My Happiness

At a time when everyone may have gone to their respective dreamland, I am still trapped in my room with a mountain of files.

I glanced at the wall clock hanging in one corner of my room, it was almost 9 pm. I wanted to curse my boss with swearing, but I couldn't do that.

Well maybe the best option is that l have to pay my job in installments. With the intention of half cursing I returned to finish my work. I have to go home soon and hug my little angel that I gave birth to 4 years ago normally. My room is located on the 7th floor of this building. Almost all of the employees have gone home since this afternoon. I faintly heard footsteps getting closer to my room and I knew very well who it was. He was the one who had the heart to set me up with this pile of files.

The door to my room opened and it was true that I suspected that person was Dwian Agung

Hidayat, my superior and best friend. Wait a minute, what did I call him? Friend? The kind of friend who would bother his own best friend. I pretended to only focus on my work and didn't care about his presence, afraid that the pen that was in my hand would fall on his forehead. I don't want to be labeled as an insolent subordinate to my superiors.

"Are you working overtime, Sya?"

I suppressed the emotions that would burn my soul by closing my eyes for a moment. I thought it was crazy, he asked a question whose answer already came from him. Oh God, don't make me lose control of myself, I prayed in my heart. I'm too lazy to serve him, so the answer to his question I answered only with a sigh.

I feel something strange, Agung and I are people with the same character. We hate silence. I had to turn my attention to look at Agung who seemed to be thinking about something. I asked what was wrong with him, but he didn't give me a satisfactory answer. I want to be a psychic who can read other people's minds. I looked closely at Agung's irises, there was a lot of sweat dripping down his forehead indicating there was something this man was hiding from me.

"So why, Gung?" I asked Agung. I even pushed my head forward just to demand an explanation from him. But what did I get? He actually ordered this work to be completed. Although dissatisfied, I chose to carry out his orders.

My work was finally finished in almost 30 minutes, I needed to stretch my muscles first before returning to ask my best friend who looked different tonight.

Where's the chatter going tonight? Is there a serious problem he's hiding? "Gung!" My exclamation was cut short when he offered me dinner.

I was hesitant to say yes to his wish, but I know my best friend very well. We are not children who met yesterday afternoon and decided to be friends, Agung and I have been friends for 11 years. We already know each other well, right? I know that after this dinner he will definitely start his vent session, all the things that are bugging his heart he will definitely let it out without any residue. How can my best friend keep a secret from me for too long? The road conditions have begun to be quiet, only a few vehicles passing by.

My attention was directed out the window while occasionally staring at Nabastala tonight. I miss my little angel, I want to lay down my tired body immediately. It didn't take long for our car to arrive at a fast food restaurant.

This place is always Agung's choice when he is stressed. My best friend often experiences Emotional eating. Emotional eating is the habit of consuming favorite foods in excess when stressed even though you are not hungry. Stress can cause the body to release several stress hormones. In the short term, stress can reduce appetite due to the release of the hormone epinephrine by the body's adrenal glands.

Agung and I ate without seeing each other, we were busy with our own food. After all the food was finished, Agung took out his cellphone and showed me some photos. Photo with the background of the Religious Court and there is a man who is my legal husband there. What is my husband doing in that place? Two days ago he said goodbye to me wanting to go out of town because one of his cafe branches was in trouble. Then why is he in the Religious Court? Is he already at his breaking point because I haven't given him a child after our fifth year of marriage. I don't know how to respond, should I burst into tears or laugh out loud because I'm finally free from this unhealthy marriage from the start.

"Let him go!" the Great said to me. Smile accompanied by a nod of my head I gave in response. To you, lham Rifai, my husband, thank you for giving a dark color to my life during our marriage. Let's end this matchmaking line.

No woman wants to bear the title of a widow, but I am actually happy with the new title that I will bear.

I returned Agung's cell phone that I had taken because I wanted to see clearly the portrait of the man who had lived under the same roof with me for five years. I smiled at my best friend as a sign that I was fine. I'm not a woman like in general who will cry and beg for mercy so that I don't get divorced.

"Are you going to look for him now?" Agung asked me questionably. I don't have a definite answer to this great question. I'm confused about where to look for him, 5 years he disappeared from my life without a trace. But wherever he is I always pray that goodness will always accompany his steps.

After Agung was sure that I was fine, we left the restaurant. Going home and resting is what I really want to do. Fifteen minutes through the streets of the capital city I finally arrived at my parent's house.

I opened the main door of my house, the conditions in the house had minimal lighting, meaning that Daddy, Mommy and my daughter Suci were already in the dimension of their dreams. After making sure the main door was locked properly I immediately bolted to the top floor where my room was. Suci Indah Lestari, my daughter is fast asleep. I traced inch by inch the outline of his face for quite a long time. My longing for someone seems to be paid off just by looking at my little angel.

"Where are you? I will soon part with him, please come back," I begged in my heart. The tears that I had been holding back for a long time finally fell. Every night I always repeat longing for the man who has snatched my chastity so as to bring a child between us.

Dawn broke again, its rays as if shamelessly penetrating in from the curtains of my room. I blinked my eyelids a few times to adjust them to the sunlight. Without me realizing my eyes are now down to the vortex of the bed, I found my little angel still sleeping in her subconscious.

I planted one morning kiss on his forehead while gently pinching his cheek, Suci just squirmed without even opening her eyes. Finished with the morning kiss ritual I crawled down my goal this time was the bathroom, a new day was about to start.

Almost an hour passed now I'm tidy and ready to go about my day. When I was about to leave the room I was surprised by the fallen frame. The base of my shoulders suddenly lifted, I turned my body and it turned out that the fallen frame was the frame that framed my wedding portrait with Ilham Rifai, the man who had taken over my father's responsibility for me five years ago. Slowly but surely I approached the frame, my lower jaw opened without me being able to control it, why was only Rifai's part cracked? Even though my marriage to him was not based on love, I didn't want to refuse to forget that he was my first love.

He who hugs you so tightly today does not rule out the possibility that he will stab you the deepest in the future. That's the right analogy for my relationship with Rifai first.

He really took care of me, didn't want to damage me, he just didn't want to hold my hand. He really treats me like a princess.

But I have to swallow the bitter pill without chewing it first. A year of being in love with Rifai, I have to let it go for another woman.

Don't rush to give me a stupid label, where there are also women who want to give their partners to other people voluntarily.

There is a baby in Desi Sriastuti's womb for which Sis Rifai has to give accountability. I'm an adult, and can demand justice for myself, but not with the little baby. Let me be sick, the little baby doesn't, don't even have to.