I found love

I woke up feeling the warmth of the sun embracing my nakedness. I found my belt, necktie, and pants all over the place together with "her" lingerie.

I got up and checked my wrist watch. I needed to wake up at six in the morning to meet a client at eight but ended up waking quarter to 12.

I don't know, but yes, I did it again. I tried so hard not to bring someone in my unit but I let my guard down and succumb to the pleasure of doing "it" with a print ad model I met last night.

There is always a thrill hearing women scream my name. It makes me feel loved, important, appreciated. It is as if I have a skill to make women ecstatic and the feeling of being free and taking control is surreal.

I got my phone and dialed Aaron's number. Aaron is my business partner who used to be a drinking buddy.

Meeting him was one of the best things that ever happened in my life. You see, I grew up with a lot of insecurities being a young boy, with fair skin, with Caucasian missionary parents. I always have questioned my identity until I found out that I am a Filipino, abandoned by my father when I was still in my mom's womb. My mom died while giving birth to me and I was adopted by my parents who brought me to Australia. My parents were benefactors of a foundation who helps single moms who got pregnant out of marriage.

We grew up together. Aaron's family migrated when he was 10. We would always play and study together. He taught me how to speak and understand Tagalog but still I would have a hard time paminsan minsan.

Eventually, when we reached 17, we started experimenting and enjoying engaging in casual "night out" with various women but now that he is engaged to the lady he fell head over heels with, it is just me alone bar hopping, checking out woman I'd be attracted to and taking her as my own. As long as I feel the attraction, I'd find a way to get her clothes off her body.

"William, don't come up with some lame excuses. I bet the therapy is not helping you at all. Man, you missed an important meeting and you lost the deal Ano ba gising ka ba? Isa kang malaking G***!"

I pictured Aaron hitting his table and throwing crumpled papers randomly. I know he is mad and every time he is mad, he curses in Tagalog as if I don't understand.

"Pare, please understand. I was doing okay for the past 3 days with therapy but yesterday was different."

"Yeah I know. When you told me you'd seek professional help, I know you'd fail. Man, your hormones are always ready, but common, please know how to prioritize, this deal is something important!"

"I'm really sorry. Just, just give me another chance."

"Whatever you say. Get your a** here in the office if you want our business to fly. If not, just forget about it and yeah, waste the two years we've worked hard for, no I mean, I've worked hard for!"

He put down the phone and I was left staring blankly at my ceiling. I combed my hair through my hands. Aaron is right.

Dalawang taon nang nakalilipas mula nang maisipan naming umuwi ng Pilipinas para dito magtayo ng sarili naming negosyo. Mahirap kasi sa Australia lalo at mataas ang kompetisyon. Isa pa, gusto ko ring takasan ang mga magulang ko dahil alam kong masasaktan lang sila if they'd know the things I've been doing.

I feel bad about last night but I didn't have a choice.

That woman I met at the grocery store yesterday awakened the desire I tried to hold for 3 days and yeah, we were not even in a bar. We were at a grocery story, a place where you can set aside sensual thoughts but I was not able to control mine.

She was wearing a rather plain dress hugging every curve of her body. Pareho kaming nasa canned goods section nang mahagip siya ng mga mata ko. She was checking every label, reading them and biting her lips from time to time.

Ewan ko ba, naisip ko, mas okay siguro kung ako na lang ang kakagat sa mga labi niya.

I tried to put away my thoughts but my body has betrayed me. When I saw her moving to the Noodles section, I found my cart moving to her direction.

Mabuti na lang at ginawa ko dahil kung hindi baka napaano na siya.

Biglang nagbagsakan yung mga noodles mula sa standee at naramdaman ko na lang ang sarili kong tumakbo papalapit sa kanya.

She was so shocked kaya nabitawan niya ang phone niya at nagtalsikan ang mga parts nito. I looked into her eyes at pinilit na maging normal.

***

"Are you okay dear?"

She didn't answer but just stared at me.

"Hey, okay ka lang?"

"Thank you for the help. I better go."

"Not so fast miss. I mean can we grab a cup of coffee or something?"

"Huh?"

"You know. Payment for being a Good Samaritan."