Sorry I Love You

Ana POV

When I was seven years old, my brother Andres and I were playing hide and seek behind the house, I ran so fast and hid so well that it was difficult for him to find me, my parents didn't notice my absence and the worried Nana called the police, two days later they found me, in the same place.

That day I learned that our parents completely ignore our existence, that they don't even notice when we are not there.

Andres decided to leave home and mom only found out five months later, because the police called her to say that my brother was in jail.

The irony of life is that for some reason or another we did not leave our parents in this cold home.

We don't have the best relationship and only sometimes wish we could be heard by them.

I have seen families, being unity and loving, I can only feel envious, my head is filled with many thoughts every morning and I wish I was born in another home and with another family.

The sun coming through the window created a heaviness in my eyes, which made it a little difficult to open them, I was sure that at night I had closed the curtains, but mom always came into my room, she did whatever she wanted and entered as she pleased, a slight sigh left my lips and I hid my face under the soft pillow.

I remained still while I let myself be embraced by sleep again, until I heard voices and screams coming from the room next to mine, plus a horrible sound of a door slamming and the screams of my mother makes me lose the minutes of peace, it was the most beautiful moment of my life and I lost it because of the fights of Andres and my mother.

Something that always happen and lately more often.

"You are a bad son, you don't love your father and much less me, who have given everything for you and your sister, I don't waste my time with you anymore and go get yourself killed in those bad neighborhoods, because that's what's going to happen if you don't come to your senses, Andres." 

Mom screams really loud and I get ready to go see what was going on, I can feel the sentiment in my mother's words pretending she doesn't care, but I know deep down she loves us. I want to believe that.

Because all mothers have to love their children?!

Andres is a rebel without a cause. His bad meetings with two other boys from the surrounding community make his behavior problems increase and they end up in jail at the police station, where my father has let him spend more than a week in detention, and not that dad or my own brother cares much, but I think sometimes he tries to get their attention, being the worst way and which does not work since they do not care; the truth, I think Andres will not change and they are not going to be better parents.

Living in the high society, as our parents call it, has taken us away from the real world, from the poverty, scarcity, hunger, the pain that many people can suffer in what mom calls, the real world of the poor and my brother prefers to be in that world, the world where everyone works to survive. Andres loves that world, he prefers to live with them, he says there is more love and trust, that they are good people.

I have never gone to the communities where he lives, but the truth is that I would like to feel a little of what my brother calls home and where he practically lives, I know that the only reason for his way of being, is that there is something there that we do not have at home, it is Love.

The love of people who even knowing that they just know you want to give the best of themselves, for you in good times and bad.

I turn with heaviness and sit on the bed, I put my feet down to find my slippers, I get up and drag myself to the door of the room still with my eyes closed, I peek my head through the door, opening my eyes with much effort, but I find no one in the hallway, so I close the door and head to the bathroom.

Even though my brain says that all is not well as my parents paint it, my heart is hoping that this blissful surprise, that daddy talked so much about at dinner yesterday, is not really a very bad surprise, because they never prepare anything that is good for their children.

Because with my parents you never know when you are going to laugh or cry.