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Five years.
I gave this man five years and tonight he is smiling at the waiter like he is the warmest person in the room.
He has not smiled at me once.
The restaurant is called Aurum. Everything in it is gold and soft and expensive. The kind of place that makes you feel like your life is beautiful even when it is breaking apart quietly under the table.
Marcus ordered for both of us. He always does.
"She will have the sea bass," he told the waiter. Smooth. Easy. Like he already knew what I wanted. Like he had ever asked.
I watched the waiter write it down.
I did not say anything.
That is the thing about five years. After a while, you stop saying things. Not because you have nothing to say. But because you have learned, slowly, the way you learn to walk around a bruise, that saying things does not change anything. It only makes the silence afterwards heavier.
So you stop.
And then one day you look up and you realise the silence is the whole marriage.
"The Henderson deal is almost closed." Marcus cuts his steak cleanly. Precise. No mess. "Conrad believes we can finalise by Thursday."
I lift my wine glass.
"That is good," I say.
"It is more than good, Valerie. It is a twenty million dollar close."
"I know."
"You do not sound impressed."
I look at him across the table. His face is handsome. It always has been. Clean lines and easy confidence. He looks like the kind of man who has everything.
"I am impressed," I say.
He goes back to his steak.
The candle between us flickers once.
I look down at my plate.
Sea bass.
I hate sea bass. I have hated sea bass for four of the five years we have been married. I told him once, early on, laughing about it. I thought it was one of those small things couples collect. A little fact. A little detail. Proof that someone is paying attention.
He forgot.
Or maybe he never stored it in the first place.
"Nadia called me this week." I say it carefully. Testing the air.
Marcus does not look up. "What did she want?"
"She just wanted to talk."
"She always just wants to talk." He says it the way you say something you have said a hundred times. Tired of it. Tired of Nadia existing. "That woman has too much time."
"She is my best friend."
"She is a distraction."
I press my lips together.
There it is.
That small thing. That sentence shaped like nothing important. But inside it is something that has been happening our whole marriage. My people, reduced. My world, gently, consistently, carefully made smaller. Not with a shout. Never with a shout. Marcus does not shout. He just has a way of making things seem not worth your time until one day you look around and the only world left is the one he built.
I pick up my fork.
I put it back down.
"I am going to the bathroom," I say.
He does not answer.
The bathroom is marble and soft gold light. The kind of light that is supposed to make you look like the best version of yourself.
I stand in front of the mirror and I do not look like the best version of myself.
I look tired.
Not the kind of tired that sleep fixes. The kind that sits behind your eyes. The kind that takes years.
I look at my hands. At my left hand. The ring catches the bathroom light and throws it back at me. Three carats. A perfect stone. Marcus chose it without asking what I wanted because Marcus always knows what is best.
My fingers start to move before I decide anything.
I watch them like they belong to someone else.
I slide the ring off.
It comes off easy.
I do not know why that surprises me. I do not know why I expected it to be harder. Maybe I thought five years would weigh something. Maybe I thought my own body would hold on even when my mind was letting go.
But it slides off.
And I am standing here holding it in my palm and it is so light.
It is so small.
How did something so small take up so much of my life?
I set it on the marble counter beside the soap dispenser. It sits there catching the light. It keeps being beautiful even now. Even here. Like it does not know what just happened.
I look at my bare hand.
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