The Idle Thoughts of An Idle Fellow

e terribly vain. So aremen--more so, if poss

ess. Nothing else would satisfy thisself-opinionated cherub. I tried the conscientious-friend dodge withher on one occasion, but it was not a success. She had requested myjudgment upon her general conduct and behavior, the exact casesubmitted being, "Wot oo tink of me? Oo peased wi' me?" and I hadthought it a good opportunity to make a few salutary remarks upon herlate moral career, and said: "No, I am not pleased wi

ing? Didshe ponder upon my words and determine to profit b

he ho

e became abus

ad unkie--oo bad man--me t

she nods her head approvingly and trots off toadvertise my opinion to the rest of the household. She appears toemploy it as a sort of testimonial for mercenary purposes, for Isubsequently hear distant sounds of "

sumablyin one of the other gardens, "Gamma, me dood boy, me wery good boy,gamma; me dot on Bob's knickiebockies."Why, even animals are vain. I saw a great Newfoundland dog the otherday sittin

g of thatsort, and they put a garland of flowers round the head of one of thecows. Well, that absurd quadruped went about all day as perky as aschoolgirl in a new frock; and whe

up and walk out of the room on a remark derogatory to herspecies being made by

. Now, there is nothing haughty about a dog. They are"Hail, fellow, well met" with every Tom, Dick, or Harry that they comeacross. When I meet a dog of

if you areof good manners and passable appearance she will stick her back up andrub her nose against you. Matters having reached this stage, you mayventure to chuck her under the chin and tickle the side of her head,and the intelligent creature will then stick her claws into your legs;and all is friendship and affection, as so sweetly expressed in thebeautiful lines--"I love little pussy, her coat is so warm,And if I don't tease her she'll do me no harm;So I'll stroke her, and pat her, and feed her with food,A

are each the center of the universe in our respectiveopinions. You, as I understand it, were brought into being by aconsiderate Providence in order that you might read and pay me forwhat I write; while I, in your opinion, am an article sent into theworld to write something for you t

nt state, would probably find them precious slow company. Evenmere good people are rather depressing. It is in our faults andfailings, not in our virtues, that we touch one another and findsympathy. We differ widely enough in our nobler qualities. It is inour follies that we are at one. Some of us are pious, some of us aregenerous. Some few of us are honest, comparatively speaking; andsome, fewer still, may possibly be truthful. But in vanity andkindred weaknesses we can all join hands. Vanity is one of thosetouches of nature that make the whole world kin. From the Indianhunter, proud of his belt of scalps, to the European general, swellingbeneath his row of stars and medals; from the Chinese, gleeful at thelength of his pigta

es the wheels. If you want to win affection andrespect in this world, you must flatter peo

specially upon what they haven't got. Admireguys for their beauty, fools for their wit, an

like it myself. You have to keep the thing so tight for it tobe of any use, and that is uncomfortable. Anyhow, whatever particularkind of an earl a belted earl may be, he is, I assert, get-overable byflatte

.)Tell a girl she is an angel, only more angelic than an angel; that sheis a goddess, only more graceful, queenly, and heavenly than theaverage goddess; that she is more fairy-like than Titania, morebeautiful than Venus, more enchanting than Parthenope; more adorable,l

really are, without exaggeration, the most beautiful, themost good, the most charming, the most divine, the most perfect humancreature that ever t

mere compliment orhyperbole, but to scrupulously confine himself to exact fact! Fancyhis gazing rapturously

telling her as he pressed her tohis heart that her nose, for a turned-up one, seemed rather pretty;and tha

her face was like a fresh blush rose, that her hair was a wanderings

nthan actual words. A good many like it wrapped up in the form of aninsult, as--"Oh, you are a perfect fool, you are. You would give yourlast sixpence to the first hungry-looking beggar you met;" whileothers will swallow it only when administered through the med

ery, sir," "Never letanybody get over me by f

r absence of vanity, and you

n"move us to good as well as to evil. Ambition is only vanityennobled. We want to win praise and admiration--or fame as we preferto name

dily furnished than our neighbors'; that our horses andservants may be more numerous; that we may dress our wives anddaughters in absurd but expensive clothes; and that we may give costlydinners of which

ighest form of vanity. The instinct is notconfined solely to Beau Brummels and Dolly

and working hands, of truth, of purity, of nobility. Let us betoo vain to stoop to aught that is mean or base, too vain for pettyselfishness and little-minded envy, too vain to say an unkind word ordo an unk