Sons and Lovers

iam also refused to be approached. She was afraid of being set at nought, as by her own brothers. The girl was romantic in her soul. Everywhere was a Walter Scot

ld paint and speak French, and knew what algebra meant, and who went by train to Nottingham every day,

Roys, and Guy Mannerings, rustled the sunny leaves in the morning, or sat in her bedroom aloft, alone, when it snowed. That was life to her. For the rest, she drudged in the house, which work she would not have minded had not her clean red floor been mucked up immediately by the trampling farm-boots of her brothers. She madly wanted her little brother of four to let her swathe him and stifle him in her love; she went to c

utour de ma Chambre", the world would have a different face for her and a deepened respect. She could not be princess by wealth or standing. So she was mad to have learning whe

ple. Paul she eyed rather wistfully. On the whole, she scorned the male sex. But here was a new specimen, quick, light, graceful, who could be gentle and who could be sad, and who was clever, and who knew a lot, and who had a d

she could love him. If she could be mistress of him in his weakness, take care of him, if he

fashion at the boy, then clicked to the horse as they climbed the hill slowly, in the freshness of the morning. White clouds went on their way, crowding

as copper-green, were opening into rosettes; and thrushes called,

armyard that was backed by the oak-wood, still bare. Then a youth in a heavy overcoat climbed down.

een, very beautiful, with her warm colouring, her g

e, "your daffodils are nearly out. Isn

am, in her musica

uds-" and he faltered

e rug," said Mi

wered, rather injured. B

Leivers

e said. "Let me take your coat. It I

as quite unused to such attention. She

ough the kitchen, swinging the great milk-churns,

e sofa cushion

But Paul loved it-loved the sack-bag that formed the hearthrug, and the funny little corner under the stairs, and the small window

e down?" said

oming out, don't you think? I saw a sloe-bush in bl

anything to ea

thank

your

o. Perhaps in a little while she'll go to Skegness with m

ivers. "It's a wonder

pan. The atmosphere was different from that of his own home, where everything seemed so ordinary. When Mr. Leivers called loudly outside to the horse, that was reaching over to feed on the rose-bushes in the garden, the girl started, looked round with dark eyes, as if something had come breaking in o

seeing everything. Even he knew that her stocking was not pulled up. She went into the scullery, blushing deeply. And afterwards her hands trembled slight

eeded at her work. She was too polite to leave him. Presently she exc

e cried, "these potat

d as if she h

, mother?"

he mother, "if I hadn't trusted th

low. Her dark eyes dilated; she r

in self-conscious shame, "I'm sure I

mother, "I know

ed," said Paul. "It do

at the youth with

said to him. "Only Miriam knows what a trou

himself, "you shouldn't

re covered with earth. He was rather small, rather formal, for

er re

replied the mothe

was served. The meal went rather brutally. The over-gentleness and apologetic tone of the mother brought out all the brutality of

toes are bu

a minute. Perhaps you'll have

in anger acro

that she couldn't att

blazed and winced, but she said nothing. She swall

s trying hard,"

oil the potatoes," said Edgar.

hing that's left in th'

otato-pie against our Mir

sat in silence, suffering, like some

e mother exalted everything-even a bit of housework-to the plane of a religious trust. The sons resented this; the

gious value, came with a subtle fascination to him. There was something in the air. His own mother w

rcely. Later in the afternoon, when the

ed me at dinner

dropped

she suddenly cried, look

hem?" said the mother. "And I believed i

teful!" cried Miri

ked you not to answer Edgar back? C

uld he say w

Miriam, if even for my sake? Are you s

he succeeded better, and Miriam was the child of her heart. The boys loathed the other cheek when it was presented to them. Miriam was

ed friendship; they were always restless for the something deeper. Ordinary folk seemed shallow to them, trivial and inconsiderable. And so they were unaccustomed, painfully uncouth in the simplest social intercourse, suffering, and yet insolent in their superiority. Then beneath was the yearning for the soul-intimacy to which the

meaning when he was with her. His soul, hurt, highly developed, sought her as i

on mother and daughter went down the fields with him. They looke

to see this," s

ut his finger through the thorns

aid, "it's so warm. They say a bird makes its nest round like a cup with pr

it every day. It seemed so close to her. Again, going down the hedgeside with the g

s go flat back with the sunshine. They se

lived for her. She seemed to need things kindling in her imagination or in her soul before she felt she had them. And she was cut off from ordinary life by

cy, this meeting in their common feeling for

eivers about the shore and the sea. And he brought back his beloved sketches of the flat Lincoln coast, anxious for them to see. Almost they would interest the Leivers more than they interested his mother. It was not his art Mrs. Morel cared a

s only superficial. They had all, when they could tr

to the fallow?" asked Ed

nd let him do little jobs-chopping hay or pulping turnips-just as much as he liked. At midsummer he worked all through hay-harvest with them, and then he loved them. The family was so cut off from the world actually. They seemed, somehow, like "les dernier

ne dull afternoon, when the men were on the land and the rest at school, only Miria

u seen t

answered.

wshed," sh

h different standards of worth from women, and her dear things-the

n," he replie

or four cows. Hens flew scolding over the manger-wall as the youth and girl went forward for the great

appreciatively; and he sat down on it, an

d have first go,"

e bags on the seat"; and she made the swing comfortab

then," he

go first,"

e in her still

hy

," she

he had the pleasure of giving up to a m

said, sitting

owing outside the drizzling rain, the filthy yard, the cattle standing disconsolate against the black cartshed, and at the back of all the gre

at of a swi

es

at her. Her crimson cap hung over her dark curls, her beautiful warm face, so still in a kind of brooding, was lifted towa

a bird was watc

him falling and lifting through the a

hough he were the dying motion of the swing. She watched h

d. "But it's a treat of a swin

took a swing so seriously

go on,"

want one?" he as

h. I'll have j

st he kept the bag

her in motion. "Keep your heels up

strength of his thrust, and she was afraid. Down to her bowels went the hot wave of fear. She was in his ha

ghed in fear.

a BIT high," h

no hi

ted in hot pain when the moment came for him to thrust her

y farther?" he asked. "

o by myself,"

side and w

scarcely movi

y with shame, and i

ea-sick," he said, as he mounted again. "

stuff; not a particle of him that did not swing. She could never lose herself so, nor could her brothers. It roused

and Miriam. To the mother he went for that sympathy and that appeal which seemed to draw him out. Edg

pondered longest over the last picture. Then she would look up at him. Suddenly, her d

I like t

t shrank from these close, in

you?"

ow. It seem

shimmering protoplasm in the leaves and everywhere, and not the stiffness of the shape. That seems dead t

again, and vivified things which had meant nothing to her. She managed to find some meaning in his struggl

painting some pine-trees which caught the

l me, are they pine trunks or are they red coals, standing-up pieces of fire

trunks were wonderful to her, and distinct. He p

always sad?"

king up at him with start

lied. "You ar

, not a bit!

ng off of sadness," he persisted. "You'

ondered. "I

ke a pine-tree, and then you flare up; but you're not ju

and he had a strange, roused sensation, as if his feelings

d, with immense brown eyes in his quaint fragile face-one of Reynolds's "Choir of

n a voice heavy and surcharg

from side to side with love, her face half lifted,

e child, uneasy-

er throat, almost as if she were in a trance, and swa

the child, a frown

don't you?"

ul, all in suffering because of her extreme

ed the youth into a frenzy. And this fearful, naked contact of her on small occasions shocked him. He was used to his mo

er body was not flexible and living. She walked with a swing, rather heavily, her head bowed forward, pondering. She was not clumsy, and yet none of her movements seemed quite THE movement. Often, when wiping the dishes, she would stand in bewilderment and chagrin because s

ecstasy that frightened him. But she was physically afraid. If she were getting over a stile, she gripped his hands in a little hard anguish, and

, half laughing

m the fence. But her wild "Ah!" of pain, as if she were losing consciousness, cu

uch dissatisfi

ng at home?" Paul a

s it? I'm all day cleaning what the boys make just

you wan

else. Why should I, because I'm a girl, be kept at hom

ce of

ing, of doing anything. It's

had not so much responsibility; things were lighter for her. She never wanted to be other than

be a woman as a man

Men have e

o be as glad to be women as m

r head-"no! Everyt

o you want?

Why SHOULD it be t

s mathematics

ics? Yes!" she cried, her eye

ch as I know," he said. "I

. She mistrusted

you?" h

and she was sucking

e said he

l his mother a

each Miriam alg

. Morel, "I hope sh

eping up the kitchen, and was kneeling at the hearth when he entered. Everyone was out but her.

soft and musical. "

ow

. Nobody treads s

down, s

?" he asked, drawing a li

ut

eel her ba

ou wanted,"

though?" sh

And if you want to lea

e dustpan and looked at him

! You see, I haven

ess! Take the a

g, tipped up, to air. The men were in the cowsheds. He could hear the little sing-song of

ou like the

ok a

e said, with

over his shoulder. It irritated

etters for figures. You put d

She never answered. Occasionally, when he demanded of her, "Do you see?" she looked u

blood rouse to see her there, as it were, at his mercy, her mouth open, her eyes dilated with

aid. "What ar

," repli

anted to pull them up. Then he glanced at Miriam. She was poring over the book, seemed absorbed in it, yet trembling lest she could not get at it. It made him cross. She was ruddy and beautiful. Ye

it made his blood rouse. He stormed at her, got ashamed, continued the lesson, and grew furious again, abusing h

me time to lea

ng a cigarette. Then, after a while, he went back to her repentant.

ied. "You don't learn algebra with your blessed soul

he kitchen, Mrs. Leivers would l

Miriam. She may not be quic

said rather pitiably

iriam, do you?" he as

in her beautiful deep

d me; it's

at no one else made him in such fury. He flared against her. Once he threw th

s anger burst like a bubble surcharged; and still, when he saw her eager, silent, as it were, blind face, he felt he wanted to throw the pencil in it; and still, when he

the youth was very happy with her elder brother. The two men spent afternoons together on the land or in the loft doing carpentry, when it rained. And they talked together, or Paul taught Edgar the songs he himself had learned from Annie at the piano. And often all the men, Mr. Leivers as well,

e nationalized, Edgar and Paul and I would be just the

rking and working. She sewed or read. Then, looking up from his task, he would rest his eyes f

n you sit there in your rock

y conscious of him labouring away, whilst she worked or read her book. And he, with all his soul's intensity directing his pencil, could feel her warmth inside

o knowledge of the work he had produced unconsciously. In contact with Miriam he gained insight; his vision went deeper. Fr

afternoon off to go to the Art School-Miss Jordan's provision-returning in the even

e miles to Willey Farm. There was a yellow glow over the mowing-grass, and the sorrel-heads burned crimson. Gradually, as they walke

or him, one mile forward for Miriam. They both looked up the road that ran in shadow right under the glow of the north-west sky. On the c

ed at h

clock!"

loth to part, hu

y now," she said. "I

wly across the road

so if I'm la

anything wrong," she

d, a scent of leaves, of honeysuckle, and a twilight. The two walked in silence. Night

w it was wonderful. And yet, till he had seen it, she felt it had not come

rising, and he hesitated, wondering whether one whiteness w

anted it so much. Almost passionately she wanted to be with him when he stood before the flowers. They were going to have a communion together-something

ther-of-pearl, and the earth growing dark. Somewhere on the outerm

?" he

path," she murm

en the pines, gazing rather frightened, she could distinguish nothing for some

ried, haste

ywhere with great spilt stars, pure white. In bosses of ivory and in large splashed stars the roses gleamed on the darkness of foliage and stems and grass. Paul and Miriam stood close togeth

d, and her dark eyes lay open to him. His look seemed to travel down into her. Her soul qui

k like butterflies, and s

expanded in an ecstasy. The tree was dark as a shadow. She lifted her han

go," h

, virgin scent. Something made him feel anxio

oliness of the night. He stumbled down the path. And as soon as he was out of the wood, in the free open meadow

he had been sitting thinking, because a chill to her eyes prevented her reading. She could feel Paul being drawn away by this girl. And she did not care for Miriam. "She is one of those who will want to suck a man's soul out till he h

clock and said, col

en far enoug

xposed from contact

ight home with her,"

kly, saw his hair was damp on his forehead with hast

you can't get away from her, but must go

that his mother fretted. He had meant not to say anything, to refus

lk to her," he a

obody else

y anything if I

u to go trailing, late at night, when you've been to Nottingham. Besides"-her voice sud

courting,

w what else

think we SPOON and

t time and distance," wa

the laces of h

bout?" he asked. "Beca

But I don't hold with children

d our Annie going

re sense th

hy

not one of th

t his mother looked tired. She was never so str

ountry. Mr. Sleath asked about you. He sa

en in bed a long ti

you wouldn't have gone

es, I

anything now you're disagre

and the proud setting of the temples. His hand lingered on her shoulder after his kiss. Then he went slowly to bed. He ha

me he saw Miriam

ht-not later than ten o'cloc

ped her bea

e get upset?

tn't to be out late when

m, rather quietly, with

. And he was usu

sensitive, as her mother had always been. The slightest grossness made her recoil almost in anguish. Her brothers were brutal, but never coarse in speech. The men did all the discussing of farm matters outside. But, perhaps, because of the continual business of birth and of begetting which goes on upon eve

el, as usual, was up early, whistling and sawing in the yard. At seven o'clock the family heard him buy threepennyworth of hot-cross buns; he talked with gusto to the little girl who brought them, calling her "my darling". He turned away several boys who came with more buns, telling them they had been "kested" by a little lass. Then Mrs. Morel got up, and the

n another house, an old one, near the Scargill Street home, which had been le

ul! come

sharp wind blowing out of Derbyshire. Two fields away Bestwood began, with a jumble of roofs and red house-ends, out of which rose the church

his mother. Her head appeared

ere!" s

r?" he a

and

t the buds on the curr

"that here I might n

vel of poor grassy leaves, such as come from very immature bulbs, an

o myself, 'There's something very blue; is it a bit of sugar-bag?' and there, behold you! Su

know,"

lade in this garden. But HAVEN'T they done well? You see, that

urned up the bells of

lorious colo

they say they have such lovely things. Fancy them against the snow!

set here a lot of little

ver told me

d leave it till t

ed them. And I've never had a glory

r sake at last to be in a house with a long garden that went down to a field. Every morning after brea

er the wall of the mill-race, dropped paper in the water on one side of the tunnel and watched it shoot out

s a signalman. "Lad, but she doesn't half buzz!" and the little party looked up the lines one way

n Gate the iron foundry blazed. Over everything there were great discussions. At Trowell they crossed again from Derbyshire int

n the side of a field. Leonard and Dick immediately proceeded to carve their initials, "L. W." and "R. P.", in the old red sandstone; but Paul desisted, because he had r

h or sporting about. Beyond was the garden of an old manor. It had yew

to Miriam, "wha

ing another language than hers. How it hurt her, and deadened her very perceptions. Only when he came right back to her, leaving his other, his lesser self, as she thought, would she feel alive again. And now he asked her to look at this garden, wanting

nto human relations with anyone: so her friend, her companion, her lover, was Nature. She saw the sun declining wanly. In the dusky, cold hedgerows were some red le

rner in the lane, she came upon Paul, who stood bent over something, his mind fixed on it, w

relief. She saw him, slender and firm, as if the setting sun had given him to her. A deep pain took hold of her, and she knew she must love him. And

he loo

gratefully, "have

eep shadow

it?" sh

and he showed her where

w he had not done the damage himsel

ld umbrella, isn

usually trouble over trifles, mad

n't help but know," he said quietly, s

ion of her vision of him! She looked at him. But there was about him a ce

n't do it;" and they went

e trees by Nether Green. He was talking to her fre

an effort, "if one perso

other said to me when I was

like that, I t

ere not, love might be a ver

least with most p

ays regarded that sudden coming upon him in the lane as a revelation. And th

some overbearing insult, she stuck to him, and believed he was right. And at this time she dreamed dreams of

, with their bags of food, for fear of being turned out. Leonard, a comic, thin fellow, went first; Paul, who would have died rather than be sent back, went last. The place was decorated for Easter. In the font hundreds of white narcissi seemed to be growing. The air was dim and coloured from the windows and thrilled with a subtle scent of lilies and narcissi. In that atmosphere Miriam's soul came into a glow.

ds. They at once became awkward in conver

erfully warm and enlivening. Celandines and violets were out. Everybody was tip-top full with happiness. The glitter

ion, almost afraid that the delight of exploring this ruin might be denied them. In the first courtyard, within the high broken walls

courtyard. They were shy. Here on the pavement, where the hall had been, an old thorn tree

with the boys, who could act as guides and expositors. There was one tall tower

e!" said Miriam in a low voice,

or she had rheumatism like anything.

she deserved it

t. She was

ft, and filled the girl's skirts like a balloon, so that she was ashamed, until he took the hem of her dress and h

some ivy, but he would not let her. Instead, she had to wait behind him, and take from him each spray as he gathered it and held it to her, each one separately

im. She was thinking of Mary Queen of Scots looking with her strained, hopeless eyes, that could not understand mise

round on their beloved manor that

d have THAT farm,"

es

e lovely to co

un, along a path embedded with innumerable tiny glittering points, Paul, walking alongside, laced his fingers in the strings of the bag Miriam was carrying, and instantly she felt Annie behind, watchful and jealous. But the meado

arty pushed on. Great expanse of country spread around and below. The lads were eager to get to the top of the hill. It was capped by a round knoll, half of which was by now

e limestone was quarried away. Below was a jumble of hills and tiny villages-Mattock, Ambergate, Stoney Middleton. The lads were eager to spy out the church of Bestwood, far away among th

was hungry, and there was very little money to get home with. But they managed to procure a loaf and a currant-loaf, which they hacked to pieces wit

or the party all day, and now he was done. Miriam understoo

. Trains came, crowded with excursionists ret

lk easily might think we're

ith Geoffrey, watched the moon rise big and red a

. Between the two girls was a feud. Miriam considered Aga

se's "St. Catherine". She loved the woman who sat in the window, dreaming. Her own windows were too small to sit in. But the front one was dripped over with honeysuckle and virginia creeper, and look

e home atmosphere, against the doctrine of "the other cheek". She was out in the world now, in a fair way to be indepen

d the red-brown wooden beads looked well against her cool brown neck. She was a well-developed girl, and very handsome. But in the little looking-glass nailed against the whitewashed wall she could only see a fragment of herself at a time. Agatha had bought a little mirror of her own, which she propped up to

ome!" she

lad?" said Ag

ll in amazement

n't you?"

g to let him see it, a

cycle in the stable underneath, and talking to Ji

Nobbut sick an' sadly, like? Why

ed earnestly in herself to see if she wanted Paul Morel. She felt there would be some disgrace in it. Full of twisted feeling, she was afraid she did want him. She stood self-convicted. Then came an agony o

eyes became with that tone. She herself would have felt it bold to have greeted him in such wise. Yet there she stood un

Morel. Keep me from loving him

et it caused her shame. That was because of him, Paul Morel. But, then, it was not his affair, it was her own, between herself and God. She was

e me love him-as Christ would, who died for the souls of

nder-sprigged squares of the patchwork quilt. Prayer was almost essential to her. Then she fell into that rapture of se

ehemence to Agatha, who was scorning a little painting he had brought to show her. Mir

peak to Paul, and then her manner was so

g the whole spring, a number of trifling incidents and tiny insults from his family awakened her to their attitude towards her, an

asked, v

Only I'd r

y we

you'd care to meet me, we

you

e-where y

why you shouldn't keep calling for me. Bu

her, and to him, were dropped. He worked instead. Mrs

o consciousness, that he saw it only as a platonic friendship. He stoutly denied there was anything else between them. Miriam was silent, or else she very qui

said to her. "WE know it. Let them ta

n his natural fire of love was transmitted into the fine stream of thought. She would have it so. If he were jolly and, as she put it, flippant, she waited till he came back to her, till the change had taken place in him aga

ness seemed to split. The place where she was touching him ran hot with fric

e, warm from climbing. Paul was alone in the kitch

the sweet-peas," h

fine row of sweet-peas, gathering a blossom here and there, all cream and pale blue. Miriam followed, breathing the fragrance. To her, flowers appealed with such strength she felt she must make them pa

o the house. He listened for a moment to his

bosom of her dress, stepping back now and then to see the effect. "You know," he said, tak

ed in one's dress without any care. That Paul should

offended at

those who look

s mix her up with women in a general way. From most me

he heard his mother's footstep on the stairs. Hu

mater kno

orway looking with chagrin at the beautiful su

in a deferential way. She sounded as i

iriam?" replied M

his friendship with the girl, and Mrs. Mo

oliday, except to see her sister, since she had been married. Now at last Paul had saved enough money, and they were all going. There was

ed it endlessly between them. They wanted a furnished cottage for tw

y for his mother's sake. She would have a real holiday now. He and she sat at evening picturing what it would be like. Annie came in, and Leonard, and Alic

hich mentioned Mablethorpe, and so he must read it to Miriam. He would never have got so far in the direction of sentimentality as to read poetry to his own family. But now they condescended to listen. Miriam sat on the sofa absorbed in him. She always seemed absorbed in him, and by him, when he was present. Mrs. Morel sat jealously in her own chair. She was going to

hat IS the 'Bride of Enderby' tha

was drowned in a flood," he replied. He had not the faintest knowledge what it really was, but he would nev

what that tune mean

'The Flowers o' the Forest'-and when they

ounds the same whether it's

he deep bell and ring up to the high

it clever. He thought so too. Then, w

en he finished. "But I wish everyth

want drownin' theirse

. Annie got up to

to help wi

p to wash u

Annie. "You sit down ag

miliar and insist, sat down aga

ffered lest the tin box should be put out at Firsby instead of at Mablethorp

cried to a

ind the rest, convulse

to drive to Brook Cot

shill

ow far

ood

elieve it,

re were eight crowded in

"it's only threepence each

ch cottage they came

s? Now, th

s. They drove past. The

ute," said Mrs. Morel. "I WAS f

ss a little bridge to get into the front garden. But they loved the house that lay so solitary, with a sea-meadow on one side, and

ging, food, everything-was sixteen shillings a week per person. He and Leo

led from the bedroom, "eat

ht," he

le. The woman of the house was young. Her husband was blind, and she did laund

a real holiday," said P

imed. "What are y

sea. She was afraid of the plank bridge, and he abused her for

ought they were to himself also, and he preached priggishly to Annie about the fatuity of listening to them. Yet he, too, knew all their son

ion than a grasshopper could go and sit and listen." And to Miriam he said,

t went in a perpendicular line from the lower lip to the turn. She always

own lov

with me, ta

t to him the eternality of the will, just as the bowed Norman arches of the church, repeating themselves, meant the dogged leaping forward of the persistent human soul, on and on, nobody knows where; in contradiction to

t the land. He loved to feel himself between the noise of it and the silence of the sandy shore. Miriam was with him. Everything grew very intense. It was quite dark when they turned again. The way home was through a gap in the sandhills, and then along a raised grass road between two dykes. The country was bl

Miriam, when

moon, the only thing in the far-reaching darkness of the lev

urmured Miriam,

afraid-deeply moved and religious. That was her best state. He was impotent against it. His blood was concentrated like a flame in his chest. But he could not get across to her. There

?" she murm

n," he answer

wonderful?" She was curious a

he fact that he might want her as a man wants a woman had in him been suppressed into a shame. When she shrank in her convulsed, coiled torture from the thought of such a thing, he had winced to the depths of hi

dded beside him. He hated her, for she seemed in some way to make him despise himself.

his mother, and the

been in long ago!" said

cried irritably. "I can go

ou could get in to supper wi

he retorted. "It's not LA

Miriam read also, obliterating herself. Mrs. Morel hated her for making her son like this. She watched Paul growing irritable, priggish, and melancholic. For this she put the blame on Miri

poilt his ease and naturalness. And he wri