The Wrong Box

He found the artist sadly altered for the worse - bleached, bloodshot, and chalky - a man upon wires, the tail of hi

t to be quite a gentleman. Today he had fallen altogether from these heights. He wore a flannel shirt of washed-out shepherd's tartan, and a suit of reddish tweeds, of the colour known to tailors as 'heather mixture'; his neckcl

ittle wisps of reddish hair, he held them to his cheeks like sidewhisk

'I should never have

his false whiskers in his pocket. 'Now we must overhaul

t. 'Must I indeed disguise

? I don't say it's always good taste, and I know it's unprofessional; but what's the odds, downhearted drawing-master? It has to be. We have to leave a false impression

ered the artist. 'That w

airily. 'Let me see your clothes, and

orous eye, picked out a short jacket of black alpaca, and presently added to that a pair of summer trousers whic

cal collar,' he remarked

ghtened; 'I have a pair of low-necked shirts,' he said, 'tha

ing forth a pair of those offensive little gaiters. 'Must have spats! And now you jump into these, and whistle

garden, and drove the rain upon the skylight in the studio ceiling; and at about the same moment of the time when Morris attacked t

ted, to find the closet-door standing open, the

hael, and turned to consider his friend's disguise

ery strong views as to the appearance of the professors - young ladies are considered so romantic. My beard was regarded as quit

Michael, 'and then you'll be so precio

t to be ugly,' c

hated beards and was delighted to d

glass upon his easel, first clipped his beard with scissors and then shaved his chin. He could not conceal from hi

he windowglass spectacles I have in my pocket, you'l

ntinued to gaze disconsolate

rinks," observed that powerful thinker; and if you will put your hand into the top left-hand pocket of my ulster, I have an impression

and for the water-jug, but M

!' he cried. 'This is the finest

to it, set it down

; and while I finish the flask, you may as well begin business. Come to think of it,' he broke off, 'I have made an abominable error: you sho

rdered,' said the artist. 'But I can take o

d, with eminent cheerfulness, as he sipped his brandy; 'and it can't be retraced now. Off to the mews with you, make all the arrangements; they're to ta

r an awkward name

would hang us both! Brown is both safer

my sake, I wish you wouldn

rned Michael. 'But take your hat and be of

hed into his mind; he put them on, and fell in love with the effect. 'Just what I required,' he said. 'I wonder what I look like now? A humorous novelist, I should think,' and he began to practise divers characters of walk, naming them to himself as - he proceeded. 'Walk of a humorous novelist - but that would require an umbrella. Walk of a purser's mate. Walk of an Australian colonist revisiting the scenes of childhood. Walk o

led to observe his guide, philosopher, and friend p

out rising, turned upon him a countenance somewhat flushed, encircled with the bush of the red whiskers, and bestridde

hose spectacles were to be mine,' he cried.

added, with some show of truth, 'There would be a devil

counted on them; but of course, if you insist.

rain beat strongly in their faces, but Michael refused to have the glass let down; he had now suddenly donned the character of cicerone, and pointed out and lucidly commented on the sights of London, as they drove. 'My dear fellow,' he said, 'you don't seem to know anything of your native city. Suppose we visited the T

ong the ingredients of the bowl. To reach the restaurant, for which they were deviously steering, was the first relief. To hear Michael bespeak a private room was a second and a still greater. Nor, as they mounted the stair under the guidance of an unintelligible alien, did he fail to note with gratitude the fewness of the

gle table, a sofa, and a dwarfish fire; and Michael called

an, 'surely not -

do something; and one shouldn't smoke before meals I thought that was understood. You seem

a drunken man in spectacles, and waiting for a champagne luncheon in a restaurant painfully foreign. Wh

of the alien with the brandies and sodas. Michael took

h his hand. 'Don't let me lo

to drink alone. Here,' he added to the waiter, 'you take it.' And,

lied the waiter, and he tosse

d interest. 'I never saw a man drink faster.

tely, and, assisted by some one fro

ieck's dry monopole. As for the artist, he was far too uneasy to eat, and h

gne on the strength of a leg of grouse. I have to be cautious,' he added confi

observed to make portentous efforts after gravity of mien. He looked his friend i

htn't think it from my unassuming appearance. You will be relieved to hear that I am rich, sir, very rich. You can't go into this sort of thing too thor

stupid -' b

wallowing in wealth. But then, on the other hand, you're only an American, and a maker of india-rubber overshoes at that. And the worst of it is - why should I

was cross-examined till h

plans are laid. Thoroughly consi

nderstand,' ob

enough when it comes to the

m any story to it,

as we go along,'

ested Pitman. 'I never cou

easy comment, and he began calling for the waiter, w

ery clever, but can I trust him in such a state?' he asked himself

t would be wiser, considering all

, with indignation. 'Never heard of such a thing! Cheer up, i

ot ready, took shelter in the harness-room beside the stove. Here the lawyer presently toppled against the wall and fell into a gentle slumber; so that Pitman found himself l

then, feeling that he must change the conversation, 'My

a brother myself in Melbourne. Does y

f the geography of New Holland were a little scatter

great respect upon th

'it's a mighty big place, is Austra

nt to,' he added irritably. And then, feeling some div

the lawyer,

said Pitman sternly. 'I wi

ybody any harm; I feel comparatively sober now. But what's all the hurry?' he added, look

r of tremulous conjecture to this day; but by the most blessed circumstance the cart was then

remarked to his companion, as

I never did such a thing i

e composure, 'neither can I see. But just

ce decided Pitman. 'All right,' he said despe

he sat holding on and gasping counsels, sole witness of this singular feat, knew not whether most to admire the driver's valour or his undeserved good

ng as he mentally reckoned up a handful of

the tone,' returned Mi

a deserted by-street, Michael drew up the horses and gave them in charge to a blighted shoe-black; and the pair descending from the cart, whereon they

asked. 'It would be the devi

nt attention. 'But is my disguise equally effective? There is

id Michael. 'All you have to do is to remember to

ng man won't be at h

returned the lawyer. 'It will save

in works connected with the bench of British Themis, and offering, except in one particular, eloquent testimony to the legal zeal of the propriet

d the engagement. 'We have come to trouble you with a

e instructed through a so

ooting tomorrow,' replied Michael, taking a chair and motioning Pitman to do the same. 'B

ed Gideon, 'to whom it was I am

ith a foolish laugh; 'but I was invited n

bt,' was the barr

ame in Ballarat; and my friend here is Mr Ezra Thomas, of the United

that,' said Gideon; any one might hav

the entrance; now again there began to settle on his mind clouds of irresponsible humour and inc

y one of mine; I can confidently recommend

Australian, 'it's perhaps best to tell you candidly that I

nder no sense of hurry. I can give you,' he added, thoughtfully

delicate, I can tell you. My friend Mr Thomas, being an American of Portuguese extra

some surprise. 'Dear me, do I understan

eturned Michael. 'My frien

certainly have it so in my notes - that your frie

sides - many, many, many others,' repeated Mr Dickson, with drunken solemnity. 'Mr Thomas's cotton-mills are one of the sights of Tallahassee; Mr Th

r. 'What a people are these Americans!' he thought. 'Look at this nervous, weedy, simple little bird in a lownecked shirt, and think of him wielding an

id the Australian. 'Let's approach the

ed for this view of his position t

ublesome. Tell me everything about it,' he added kin

e. 'My friend will tell you all about it,' he added to Gideon, with a yawn.

s of flight, thoughts even of suicide, came and went before him; and still the barrister pati

clutch at his beard; his fingers closed upon the unfamiliar smoothness of a shaven chin; and with that, hope and courage (if such expressions could ever have been approp

ple, patriarchal style of life. You see the thing from here: unfortunate visit to Europe, followed by unfortunate acquaintance with sham foreign count, who has a lovely daughter. Mr Thomas was q

erstand -' b

emphatically, 'it isn't possible

ingly in the direction of the culprit, and, observing on his c

ld say that Mr Thomas's hands were clean. He has no excuse; for he was engaged at the time - and is still

ated Gideon

aid Michael. 'Ga. for Georgia, in

ritten,' returned the barrister, '

ow, he calls himself - was formerly a tobacconist in Bayswater, and passed under the humble but expressive name of Schmidt; his daughter - if she is his daughter - there's another point - make a note of that, Mr Forsyth - his daughter at that time actually served in the shop - and she now proposes to marry a man of the eminence of Mr T

ccess,' said Gideon. 'Was Schmi

to think so. Mark the neighbourhood - Bayswater! D

d if he were not becoming light-headed. 'I suppose it's just because he has

of trains to Hampton Court; and I needn't try to describe to you the impatience of my friend. Here is a five-pound note for current expenses; and here is th

something else on a sheet of paper. 'You said you had not chosen a solicitor,' he said. 'F

lated Michael, as he

Gideon. 'But he is himself a perfectly honest man, and his capacity is recognized.

urse,' returned Mic

n, smiling. 'I suppose I may

ur,' cried the va

d upon his shoulders,' he said to Pitm

nctly heard to mur

the best solicitor in London, and it's not every man c

eturned

ausing, 'what's wrong with

the artist broke out; 'your language was perfe

ichael. 'I spoke of Ezra Thomas; and do pl

ard to bear,' s

ng by the horses' heads with a splendid assumption of dignity; and there was the piano, figuring forlorn up

battle of the campaign opened. It is probable that Mr Gideon Forsyth had not yet taken his seat in the train for Hampton Court,

must leave him the key of the piano, and we must contrive that he shall find it. Let me see.' And h

d the artist, as they

ition,' assented Michael d

displayed a most ungrateful temper. I had no right, I see, to resent

a word more, Pitman. Very proper feeling on your part; no m

therefore (in comparison with previous stages of the day's adventures) quite a holiday outing; and when they had returned the cart and walke

with concern. What! we have been wet through the greater part of the

ng. Now that peace was restored and the body gone, a certain innocent skittishness began to appear in the manners of the artist;