The High Toby

umerable rough bucks that have pressed me badly. But give me them all rather than a pack of silly, screaming women that know not their own mind for two minutes on end. Many t

oat catches me; and there it is. Not that I am a fool where women are concerned, for on occasion there is no harder flint than Dick Ryder, a

Turnham Green without so much as a thought of it. 'Twas fallen dark of a foul December evening, and, as I was riding for town, I missed the road and Calypso floundered into a bog of water and mire. With a curse I pulled her out, when just at that moment I heard a voice crying out a little wa

says t

says I; and I gave a hand to the coachman

mug-speaking sort of fellow whose face I could not see. "You have placed S

1

p me, you won't be long;" and at that I delivered him of a pile of

y way to Soho and see if, maybe, some of the lads be assembled. But I had got no further than the Minories, when who should emerge into sight in the company of two officers, but Timothy Grubbe, that rascally thief-taker, crimp and scoundrel. I am not to be frightened by any man on earth, but 'twas

tap, I'll eat cheese, my dear. '

re, empty tap, as it chanced, and the wench and I had it to ourselves. She was a pretty sort of figure, all in white-white mob and white apron; of a middle height and slightness pleasant in so young a maid, bri

h, but she started up and turned about, so that her face

e. I'll warrant 'tis admired, and rightly. If there's any huff or bully that br

ne in which fear and defiance and anger rubbed shoulders. One might have said, indeed, that all these sentiments rained together from her pretty

d she came forth, reluctant, to fill my glass again. "Now," says I,

ys with a gla

ind legs so hard," said I with a laugh,

, or maid, nettled me; but I know such wildings; they be not pigeons nor doves nor tame sparrows neither. I

you and badger you. Tears spoil that handsome cheek, and I would know

you could help in, sir," she says with some demureness,[154] and then br

thetically, "to bruise one so te

, and wagging her little head towards me. "She kno

oath of tha

sir," said she, running on glibly by t

if he be your

g no heed, "uncle says I must live with hi

rip me," says

o would assert her rights. "There have I worked for my Aunt Susan and cast up fi

odding. "But I would not cry tears on t

ew.[155] "'Tis that I am turned out o

, whereat she looked demure

nothing. 'Twa

t his mother destined him for better things; so that the wench must

injustice, my dear, and that I'

d, and turned aside her face, and t

silly,"

nd of silliness for a maid

r I had just taken a fancy to a little entertainment, havin

e which I will put under my jacket by your leave, mistres

d at me i

"and I know virtue when it peeps out. And if s

d you, sir," said s

you was known to be in the expectation of money,"

with her mouth

dasher has clapped eyes on a pretty miss

tared

a gentlemanly haberdasher that is a widower and is peaking for a daugh

y hers fell. I could see she w

you be," said she, demurely,

l Hogg," said I, "godly Samuel Hogg, of Bristol, that wants a daughter all to himself and

Then she gave me a shrewd glance, for

ery kind,"

le. "You may say that when I see

t 'em,"

see auntie, nunkie and all, and so you may warn 'em. The gentlemanly hab

uor and talking foolishly. But that I was not, as she discovered, for I meant to go thr

very expectant and all in a flutter. There was uncle that was broad and short[158] and of a weak cast of face with a grin on it, and by him was aunt, prim and stiff, but the vinegar of her face sugared over with a smile; and to these were added Cousin Tom,

r leave

ith your story;" at which, thinks I, "'Egad I'm glad

polite as a pea. "And since you know why I am

y at us, and a little fat man i

od man?" says I to uncle, with

she has been to us, sir," sa

ver, I guessed what she was after. She meant to pull a l

1

hat she will prove a precious

e little fat man, who,

e remaining person in the r

depends on whether miss here suits me. I will conf

adopt Nancy?"

ention," I a

otion in your head?" says

ut a handsome miss with as two pretty eyes as ever sparkled in a wench's face. 'She's for me,' says I t

e suspicion, and, perish me, I believe I had

ced at her husband, as if inviting

1

are a godly man,

ord. I cry second to none if i

at that, but 'twas the

so great a fancy to Miss Nancy here. It may be, as you say,

hairs in bunches. There was my poor wife that died ten years gone, and my daughter that followed h

dasher, sir?" sa

calling,"

so 'twas my poor husb

in an honourable

hat he was," she

[161] was clearly no man of words, but the

nt some warra

Bristol, and, for the rest, if it is the colour you wish, why I ca

that their e

l endowed," s

posal of Miss Nancy, when I

t, and they glanced askance at me. So, as matters wer

of eyes. Rip me, I carry not my wares to a market tha

sure we may be pardoned if we hesitate to lose one so d

ut the preliminary to my design. I will not pluck your partridge from you roughly-not[162] I. But I would have her remain with you during m

the purse and counted

le silence among the others, save that uncle sta

sun; the grocer pursed up his lips; and the widow regarded me

stily, and, at that, supper being

at night, and, moreover, I was for pushing the fun a little further. Lord, if Tony or old Creech could have seen me a-si

d thank ye;" and dow

1

he widow, and on t'other side was the grocer. Sa

, and you can fire the train

guineas. There was plenty more behind 'em. And then the widow turns on me, and begins to ply me with questions about

e all such tri

ost perilous. You want someone that will look af

hat miss will

he, "was worth his two hundred guineas a year, a

Alack,' if that befel m

ink that it's all lost to business; for I am my own mistress," she

ly at Miss Nancy, who flushed very deep. Just then I was digged in the r

h," says he

tossing off the wine

er about the town," he says a

e-" says I, but

was after from th

did!" I said, a

ain. "Ten guineas for her!"

r I guessed what t

er, "you ain't no haberdasher. I

our supper and keep your foul fingers off

5] said no more. Moreover, I was not for turning the party into pepper and mustard, so I to

ays he knowingly, "and

took but a sip of wine, but her face was flushed and eager, but Booby-he made up for that abstinence, and drank and talked and laughed as though he was at a goose-fair. Well, they were a pretty party, and by this time I was entered into the proper spirit of it. Booby over the way made a feint of embracing miss and whispered in her ear, seeing which I bestowed a smile on him a

Need I put a style on them? Well, when these hairs be whitening, sure I shall be comforted in a nursery of babes that sha

kled and called out an indelicate jest for such maidenly ears. But what was my surprise that miss turned crimson, and the

s she tartly. "I am my own mistress

to you?" said I amazed, and au

'twas a strong attachment

uld ha' guesse

head,[167] "I never did believe there

s as black as night,

nse. They are a

recious cunning; you have noosed and caught her alrea

aid I angrily, "I will run

from me; and I could see him eyeing me

denly. Take your time," I said, "and we will wait. 'Tis a hundre

said she petulantly, and flu

for he was much in liquor. But the grocer an

not with your mood this afternoon. I will admit Booby is no beauty

1

youth, rising in a passion that w

will teach you a lesson. Sit down and

rose and moved from the table. "I will not

e with anger, "or you shall be turned o

sts her eyes high," says the w

to knots. Be easy all. If Nancy wants a husband, as well she may, being of a marriageable age, here's one

e what she wanted. I could have laughed aloud if I had been in my own company. She took me for a real well-to-do haberdasher and would[169] have me, the puss; or maybe 'tw

ll you turn a daug

widow. "'Tis shocking to t

, nor perhaps will be," for I was weary of her hint

m for you both," says the

n, "I will spare her to so worthy a gentleman. I have known her since she was a chit so

ot want a silly slip like that, either to daughter or wife, undutiful as she would be, and extravagant in her habit. What would suit you, s

iet," says I to

nose in the wine, "I knew it all along. There's mighty little chance to deceive me. I

e him a blow under his fat chin that sent him sprawling over the n

er! m

d was up at this silliness, when the

says he, with a hiccough. "I will fight an

e treated him as I had done the grocer, the widow put her arms about me and squealed that I was b

Christian house," cries

1

I threw her off roughly; but a blow from the vintner took me in the sto

ou to do murd

ried by their stupidity, and to have them

name is Dick Ryder I'll lay a c

cy, letting go of Booby, who

ghtily sorry that he ever set forth t

nd me, "'tis Dick Ryder

descending from the tavern, was Timothy G

ou in the name of His Majesty for the robbery o

ded the wretch. "Why, come in[172] and welcome.

been very merry," s

that will drink my health. I beg you to open a bottle of your best

," says he with his

ttles, host," s

in obedience to my command, he moved slowly towards the tap-room door, where Grubbe and the trap stood

ind 'em on that scratch-cat over yonder, with the red nose. She

w nothing of it, and she was innocent, and that he would spare her a

1

the vintner till I came abreast of Grubbe,

usual, Dick," says he, "'

n the face of the trap and toppled 'em both over. That done, I clapped to the door instantaneous and darted through the dark tavern and into the road. There was no one there, so that I knew that Grubbe had lied, or else he had posted a man behind the house, neve