Torchy

m carryin' any grouch. I might have known better'n to butt into any such doin's. Long as I stick to bein' head office boy, I knows who's what, and what's which, and anyone

ain't my aunt! She's Benny's. I was tellin' you how I loaded Mildred, our lady typewriter that was, into Mr. Robert's car along

hn Drew coat, and Mr. Mallory's been coachin' me how to act when I chase the folks into their seats, and Piddie's been loadin' me up with polite conversation to fire off whenever

's one of them narrow-eyed old girls that can look through a keyhole without turnin' her head, and can dig up more suspicions in a minute than mo

an errand for Benny. I wa'n't callin' for no aunts, anyway, but just leavin' a note for Wil

? Where did he come from? Who does he want to se

hort ribs. "Ah, say," says I, "d

he. "You may not be as bad as y

a'am, and many

she. "What i

the girl, "Mr. Ellin

he gives me another look. "Boy

s I. "Ain't i

with the soft pedal on.

tin' away from a nam

est to call up a smile, "wha

," says I, throwi

er-red shade of hair was real pretty. Come right in, To

er to any cake," says I; "b

f'table in one of the libr'y chairs, eatin' frosted cake with bot

She seems to get a heap of satisfaction watchin' me eat, almost as much as though she was feedin' ground glass to her best enemy. You've seen that kind, that you can stand well enough until they begin to grin at y

mooth as wet asphalt. Most of it was hot air that she said Benny'

my cue; but I was to

a dear girl, isn't

in some frostin' that h

cquainted with her, a

m-m,"

unt Laura, "what is it

g-g!" says I, makin' m

she. "But I suppose she

was a bir

I guessed at, was emptied out of me like she was usin' one of these vacuum cleaners on my head. When I gets t

there once," says she. "I wonder

, Mildred Morgan. Really! A brother too? How interesting! Who was he, and what was he doing last? What

ce tell Mr. Robert I want to see hi

"Here's your hat-

about the Lady Mildred havin' a brother that's a c

hough I'd been turnin' State's evidence. The more I thinks of it, the cheaper I feels. Here I'd be

ation list for the weddin', and, sure enough, among the also rans was a Mr. William Morgan, with a State penitentiary address. With that, and what she'd heard over the 'phone, Aunt Laura ma

ch a willin' performer that he guesses maybe he can talk him out of wantin' to get married. He didn't know Benny, though. These short, fat, dimpled boys are just

I don't give a cuth for him. I'd juth ath thoon marr

Mr. Robert. "If that's the wa

t up to give him the rake-over, and the old girl warms up the wires until she near has the lightnin' arresters out of business. It comes out too that

brother in the penitentiary, and Benny doesn't mind, I'm sure I don't. I've known lots of fellows who wished their brothers-in-

ou should ever get run in. So we goes along gettin' ready for the weddin' same's if nothin's happened. It's billed for a church

e one of them Third-ave. halls and band, you might give 'em somethin' of a send-off; but it'll be hard to

and Mildred not knowin' many folks on East, t

uiet," says I. "Put me on the door, will you, s

I'm so rattled when I get inside of that suit they sent around for me to wear that I don't know whether I'm goin' up or comin' down. Honest, that coat m

ave guyed me out of the borough. I just folds the thing inside out over my arm, like it was some one's overcoat I was takin' around to have a button shi

' they don

how I looks and stops huntin' for some place to stow my hands. It was a cinch job. There was only

bride," says a pair of 'em; "bu

musty. Butt out,

iteness since I can remember! It was

to speak of, and it was near time for the Lady Mildred to be floatin' in, when I pipes off a tall, husky-loo

; but the next minute he comes meanderin' up the steps, fishin' a card out of

e wrote on it, and it didn't need but one squint at the pasteboard for me

rse as a huckster, "a

but not half so stunned as I thou

that goes with a striped suit and the lock step was missin', though. But how you goin' to tell, in these times when our toniest fatwads is sittin' around the mahogany votin' to raise the price of chewin'

inute," says I. "There's so

oom, where Mr. Robert was keepin' Benny's mind off'n what was com

f to one side, "you want to give up

ill?" s

rock pile, Broth

lovely!"

of that,

ring his uniform sti

Monday suit somewhere. But it ain't the way he looks that's worryin' me

s he. "Can't we get him

on a sub for me at the door, and give me leave to mak

e it worth a hundred to you to keep hi

the job,

makes straight for Brother Bill. "Come on," says I. "She's w

s before he can ask any dippy questions. First off I thought of runnin' him up the avenue until he's c

though; so I steers him into the first one that has the apron up,

t any dream carniva

?" says the

then the only place I could think of was Benny

ays Brother Bill, "I came

right too. Didn't I tell you t

you did. Also you said so

"She'll be tickled to

the weddin

back-maybe," says I. "You ca

think I could get away a

s I. "Was it a clean qui

"yes, it was a-er-littl

or sneaked out in a packin' case?" But, say, I couldn't put it t

you been i

"Oh, I see! Abo

st?"

for givin' rebates, or grabbin' for graft. I knew it must have been somethin' respe

p like Aunt Laura, when we pulls up at the horse bl

is she?" says

en I gets that funny feelin' I gen'rally has when I takes t

to the weddin' or have anything to do with it; so when Marie let us in I throws a tall bluf

me mistake, hasn't there! I know no such

she'll feed you frosted cak

dill pickle when she showed up, and she opened the

lot about him lately; so I thought I'd

ke I'd said the house was afire. "Not

s I. "You're a

tand the least I ever saw. He looks as mixed up and helpless as a lady that's took a seat in the smokin' car by mist

in' a look out of her narrow eyes that must have gone clear

er--" begins

hat ever came his way; for Marie pushes

kin' at the card. "The very person I n

osperous lookin' old gent, with white billboards and a meat safe on him lik

ngs out the Doc, rushin' o

mself a job as chaplain in a State prison, and Aunt Laura loses her breath tryin' to apologize to both of 'em

Mildred was in her canopy-top outfit. He's all right, Brother Bill is. Never gives me any call-down

on me. But we did throw the ho