Torchy

back to the nearest Chief of Police, you needn't do any guessin' as to what's happened. It'll be a cinch that C

and then begins to mix it. That ain't his line. He's one of the camel brand. The nearest he ever gets to red liquor is when

e pinchers, white tie, and black cutaway I might have sized him up as a cross between a travelin' corn doctor and a returned missionary; but the ear muffs and the umbrella and the black felt lid with the four-inch brim put him in the tourist class. He was one of your skimp

he was pawin' around for the gate sort of absent minded, a

the right side of the fen

eg pardon,

I, "that's

beg--"

at ground," says I

rm, peels off a brown woolen mitt, and fishes a card out of his inside

where you cash in your scalper's bo

w thought comes to him. He tiptoes back to the gate, pries off one of the ear muffs, and leans over rea

other one, so you can get a good hea

me; but he tumbled to my motion

his about your Cousin Bo

from Bubble Creek, Michigan, and is lookin' for Mr. Robert Ellins. With

that's just floated in from the breakfast food belt

ust be Cliff

is it, the cousin

s, Torchy," say

I. "I wouldn't have

ary," says Mr. Robert.

in Clifford on the shoulder. "Cliffy," says I, "you're subp@oelig

I s'pose it was a star play of Mr. Robert's, givin' the glad hand to this one; but if I'

orite from the start. Anyway, he jumps right in to feature him, lugs him off to the club for lunch, a

h my thatch, when we gets our first bulletin. Cliffy was due back to the office about four-thirty, havin' gone off by his lonesome after lunch; but

ght-Clifford. He's my cousin. No, is that so? Why, there must be some mistak

round and catches me grinnin'; but grabs his

s: how a batty gent who looked like a disguised second story worker had collected a crowd and blocked traffic on

n crook who was layin' pipes for a little jimmy work. Cliffy's architect tale wouldn't have got him off in a month, and if it hadn'

he was makin' a tour to see how it was done in other places, meanin' to polish off with a few months abroad. Then, after he'd got himself well soaked

share. It wa'n't a case of hustle with Clifford. I suspicioned that his bein' an architect was more or less of a fad; but he was makin' the most of it, there

anyone could have done it without bumpin' into trouble; but not Cliffy. It was wonderful how he dug up ructions-and hi

holds up anyone that's handy, from a white wings dodgin' trucks in the middle of Madison Square, to a Wall Street broker rushin' from 'Change out to a directors' meetin'. He seems to think anybody he meets knows all about New York, and has time to take him by the hand and

three minutes on a stretch. We found out these little tricks of Clifford

his hat all dirt and ashes up and down his back. From the description he gives we figure out that he's been somewhere up on Washington Hei

wards that I was out on an errand, and as I cut through 22d-st. back of the Flatiron I sees a crowd. Course, I pushes in to find out what was hol

umbrella of his like a sword. The other party was the pilot of a hansom

owd was enjoyin' it to the limit. But I see a couple of traffic cops comin' over from Broadway; so I breaks

nder! Was you tryin' to buy an e

him where the nearest subway station was, and befor

, "and if you don't get over it you'll be hur

ave lost th

," says I. "Better let me tow you back to the of

e'd had enough fo

d out, he'd never seen him before, and hadn't heard much about him, either. "Torchy," sa

ne. I couldn't keep him straight less'n

ow him the buildings he wants to see, keep him out of trouble, and don't leave h

hirl. But if Clifford wants to travel around

re was a streak of mule. Cliffy balks at the whole business. He's a whole lot obliged, but he really don't care for comp'ny. Goin' around alone and not havin' his thoughts sidetracked by some one taggin

first of December and wearin' 'em until the last of March, and he'd feel lost without 'em, just the sa

ext to the fact that he's dead sure he's a genius and is anxious to prove it by the way he wears his clothes. There's a lot of that kind that s

orn-fed innocent; so before he turns him loose again he gives him a lot of good advice about not gettin' t

forenoon me and Mr. Robert gets nervous. We don't hear a word f

an lamb and a fur hat with seven kinds of sealin' wax fruit on it. She's just

little dear when he

ged," says

he's grown up to look like Henry, as I said he wo

"It would suit me best if he w

ie. "And Clifford the only c

ite enough

to a relation that had come so far to see him. "I shall stay right here," says she, "until that

ere breaks loose all kinds of a riot in the hall. There was a great jabberin' and foot scufflin', and I could hear Den

ays Mr. Robert, po

that's Cliff

ams open and we gets a view of things. Oh, it was Cliffy, all right! He wa

shin' at the nearest o

and down in the door of the car. "You an' yer Polack friends may walk down, or jump out

they'd just finished ten days in the steerage. You could tell that by the bouquet. They didn't carry their perfume with 'em. It went on ahead, and they follered, backin' Cliffy clear in until he fetched u

liffy," says I, "or was th

what in thunder is the meaning

s dazed. "I don't know," says Cliffy, "truly I don't, Cousin Robert

akin' a noise like a

es paddin' out. "Did I hear so

is, the one with the ear muffs. I have

nd with that she grabs out her scent bottle

eem to be makin' much of a hit

says Mr. Robert, "is

; but they'd all piled in too, and the conductor had made him shell out a nickel for every last one. Another time he'd dodged through one of them revolvin' doors into a hotel, and four of 'em had got wedged i

ul!" says he, thro

After that it was all clear. "Where'

at gentleman who sat next to me in the subway train. You see he was leaning back taking a nap in

"the Zinskis goe

e railroad stations. It's kind of a badge and helps the bunch to keep track of their leader. Most likely them Zinskis had had thei

I; "I'll show y

door the whole push quits eatin' cheese and brea

n' my hat and chuckin' it after

ain't subbin' for Clif

my way. "If you come back here before to-morrow mo

n't that

: "but this'll cost

it," says

"Come on, you Sneezowskis! I'll show you

n, and then rushes up to a big stiff in a green and gold uniform that's hired to stand outside a flower shop and open car

e back!" and before he has time to pipe off the bunch of Polackers that's come to a

ood, and that Cousin Clifford's been shipped back to Bubble Creek, glad to get out of New York alive