50 Shades of Shepherd

or not u

my mind. Surely, I'm overreacting to something that's imaginary. Okay, so he's very attractive, confident, commanding, and at ease with himself, but on the flip side, he's arrogant, and for all his impeccable manners, he's autocratic and cold. Well, on the surface. An involuntary shiver runs down my spine. He may be arrogant, but then he has a right to be, he's accomplished so much at such a young age. He doesn't suffer fools gladly, but why should he? Again, I'm irritated that Lexie didn't give me a brief biography. While cruising along the I-5, my mind continues to wander. I'm truly perplexed by what makes someone so driven to succeed. Some of his answers were so cryptic as if he had a hidden agenda. And Lexie's questions, ugh! The adoption and asking him if he was gay! I shudder. I can't believe I said that. Ground, swallow me up now! Every time I think of that question, I will cringe with embarrassment. Damn Alexandra Grey! I check the speedometer. I'm driving more cautiously than I would on any other occasion. And I know

till in her pink flannel pajamas decorated with cute little rabbits, the ones she reserves for the aftermath of breaki

. I expected yo

e considering the interview ran over.

was it? What was he like?" Oh no, here we go, the Alexandra Gre

ave to see him again. He was rathe

, and young. Young." Lexie gazes

iography? He made me feel like such an idiot for skimpi

sorry, I didn'

like he's old before his time. He doesn't talk lik

iefed you, but I was in such a panic. Let me have the

eat your soup?" I ask, k

I'm feeling much better." She smiles

can still make m

'll be ex

a bit about most everything we sell, although ironically, I'm crap at any DIY. I leave all that to my dad. I'm much more of a curl-up-with-a-book-in-a-comfy-chair, by-the-fire kind of girl. I'm g

you would not

take as long as I thoug

her laptop. Her nose is still pink, but she has her teeth into a story, so she's concentrating and typing furiously. I'm thoroughly drained, exhausted by the lengthy drive, the grueling inter

ou." She gives me a fleeting, quizzical look. I flush, and my heart rate inexplicably increases. That wasn't the reason, surely. He just wanted to show me aroun

bout formal. Did you ta

no, I d

h this. Shame we don't have some original stills.

rd to sound disintereste

looks." She arches a perfect eyebrow at me. Crap!

ld have got a lot

hat I foisted this on you at the last minute, you did very well." She

amn, she's inquisitive. Why can't she ju

smatic. I can understand the fascination," I add truthfully, as I peer

rst," she snorts. I gather the makings

that was the most embarrassing question. I was mortif

he society pages, h

hing was embarrassing. I'm glad I'll

think he sounds quite taken with you." Ta

u like a

ilt around me, close my eyes, and I'm instantly asleep. That night I dream of black places, bleak white icy floors, and gray eyes. For the rest of the week, I throw myself into my studies and my job at Yang's. Lexie is busy too, compiling the last edition of her student magazine before she has to relinquish it to the new editor while also cramming for her finals. By Wednesday, she's much better, and I no longer have to endure the sight of her pink flannel with too many rabbit PJs. I call my mom in Georgia to check on her, but also s

" For a moment, I hesitate, an

m f

... how does she do that? The ex

ng. You'll be the fi

to get out more, honey

bear. It's a brief conversation. In fact, it's not so much a conversation as a one-sided series of grunts in response to my gentle coaxing. Ray is not a talker. But he's still alive, he's still watching

t from our studies, from our work, and from student newspapers when the doorbell rings.

see you!" I give

U, looking as lost and lonely as I did. We recognized a kindred

As a result, our fathers have become firm friends too. George is studying engineering and is the first in his family to make

e grins, his bla

get kicked out for another week," I

allery will exhibit m

!" Delighted by him, I hugged hi

he paper. Nothing like last-minute editori

u to come to the opening."

ng the need-a-boyfriend gene, but I just have met no one who... well, whom I'm attracted to, even though part of me longs for those trembling knees, heart-in-my-mouth, butterflies in my belly, sleepless nights. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. P

Yes, George's hot, but I think he's finally getting the message: we're just friends. The cork makes its loud pop, and George looks up and smiles. Saturday at the store is a nightmare. We are besieged by do-it-yourselves wanting to spruce up their homes. Mr. and Mrs. Yang, John and Patrick, the two other part-timers, and I are all rushed off our feet. But there's a lull around lunchtime, and Mrs. Yang asks me to check on some order

e doing here looking all tousled-hair and outdoorsy in his cream chunky-knit sweater, jeans,

. There's a ghost of a smile on his lips and his eyes are

area," he says

y heart is pounding a frantic tattoo, and I'm blushing furiously under his steady scrutiny. I am utterly thrown by the sight of him standing before me. My memories of him did not do him justice. He's not mer

ame's Mer,

privy to some big secret. It is so disconcerting. Taking a deep breath, I pu

ke some cable ties," he murmurs, his

mble, my voice soft and Waverly. Get a grip, Grey.

ind the counter, but really I'm concentrating hard on not falling over my own feet. My l

voice is a little too bright. I glance up at him and reg

le to the electrical section. Why is he in Portland? Why is he here at Yang's? And from a very tiny, under-used part of my brain, probably at the base of my medulla oblongata where my subconscious dwe

voice is too high like I've got my finger trapped

re in crop rotation and soil science," he says matter-of-factly. See? Not here to find you at al

r fortieth world

ck at Yang's. What on Earth is he going to do with those? I cannot picture him as a do-it-yourself at all. His fingers trail

ys with his oh, so sec

e anythi

masking tape.

before I can stop them. Surely he hires

s, and I have the uncanny feeling that he's l

I murmur,

ecorating aisle." I glanc

oncentrating hard. I blush even more brightly. Why the hell does he have this effect on me

. To distract me, I reach down and select t

ly, and the current is there again, zapping through me like I've touched an exposed wire. I gasp involuntarily as

e is husky and breathy.

nk." His voice mi

down to hide my recurring b

tural filament rope... twine... cable cord... "I ha

aware that his hot gray gaze is on me. I dare not look at him. Jeez, could I feel any more self-conscious? Taking my Stanley knife from the back

sculptured, sensual lips curled in

aren't really my thing, Mr.

le is back. I gaze at him, unable to express myself. I'm shifting tectonic

ming: You! You are my thing! I slap it down instantly, m

his head to one side. W

He rubs his chin with his long index finger and thumb as he contempla

o get off this subject. Those fing

recommend?" What would I recommend?

live with wicked humor. I flush, and my eyes

nger screening what's coming out of my mou

your clothing," I gesture

s take them of

again. I must be the color of the communist

ld ruin any clothing," he says dryly. I try to

squeak as I hand him the blue c

ay from all the innuendo and the confusing double talk... a question I can an

with it. She's the editor of the magazine, and it devastated her that she couldn't do the in

sn't have any original photograph

Okay. I hadn't factored in this response.

Tomorrow, perhaps

h heaven if I can pull this off. And you might see him again tomorrow. That black place at th

he's taking a sharp intake of breath, and he blinks. For a fraction of a second, he looks lost somehow, and the Ear

" Reaching into his back poc

umber on it. You must call

up at him. It w

e. He's Mr. Yang's youngest brother. I'd heard he was hom

uddy, and in this strange moment that I'm having with the rich, powerful, awesomely off-the-scale attractive

so good to see

ou? Are you home for y

. I shuffle from foot to foot, embarrassed. It's good to see Finn, but he's always been overfamiliar. When I glance up at Derek Shepherd, he's watching us like

defuse the antagonism I see in Shepherd's eyes. I drag Finn over to mee

is Finn Yang. His brother owns the place." And for s

see each other that often. He's back from Princeton, where he'

held his hand out, hi

" Finn returns

" Finn goes from surly to awestruck in less than a nanosecond.

e anything I

tive." His expression is impassive, but his words... It's

Finn r

you lat

ch him disappear to

else, Mr.

him? Taking a deep breath, I turn and head for the till. What is his probl

p at Shepherd, and I wish I hadn't. He's watching me c

bag?" I ask as I t

y heart once again is frantic. I can hardly breathe. H

t?" He's all business once more. I nod, rendered s

, perhaps." He turns

hich he's just left before I return to planet Earth. Okay, I like him. There, I've admitted it to myself. I cannot hide my feelings anymore. I've never felt like this before. I find him attractive, very attractive. But it's a lost cause, I know, and I sigh with bittersweet regret. It was