Anne Severn and the Fieldings

"well out of it." Her safety was revolting and humiliating to Anne when she thought of Queenie and Cutler and Dicky, and Eliot and Jerrold and all the allied armies in the thick of it. She had

the war. His return coincided with the retreat from Mons. He had not been in England a week before he was in training on Salisbury Plain. Anne had left Wyck when he arrive

nything might have happened to them since they had written the letters that let them off from w

or of Adeline's talking, of the cries that came from her at queer unexpected moments: between tw

if anything happen

er what's happen

what was happe

errold was. Nothing's s

eeling that something's happened to Jerrold. I'm sure these feelings aren't

ng upon Jerrold's or Eliot's name. Every morning Adeline gazed at Anne across the table with the same look of strained and agon

one minute. Any second the wire

making swabs and bandages. Every day she went off to her War Hospital Supply work at the Town Hall, and Anne was left t

nne, he's worse with me than he is with you. Everything I say an

lie awake shivering with terror. If he dropped off to sleep he woke screaming. At first Pinkney sle

n they were children. And now, as then, their doors were left op

the bed-clothes, to shut it out, that made her lock her door to shut out Colin. Once he had come into his mother's room and she had found h

tches beside his bed where he lay shivering, holding her hand tight as he used to hold it when he was a child. To Anne

the crowing of cocks, made him writhe in agony. For Colin the deep silence of the Manor was the ambush for some stupendous, crashing, annihilating sound; sound that was always coming and never came. The droop of the mouth that used to appear sudden

ought him milk or beef tea or Benger's Food every two hours. He was content to be waited on; he had no will to move, no desire to get up and do things for h

this is a quiet

iet enou

going on and on. Awful noises.... You know what it is?

you hear. We're much too far

c

't thi

it's noises

go away when y

ever be st

ll be. You're b

er they'll sen

Never

oughtn't to be stickin

hink Queenie'll c

s got much too muc

g, Queenie's coming. She'll tell me I funked. She think

ur body, not you. Your nerves a

went back after I had shell-shock the first time-straight back into the trenches. It was at

Colin,

Queeni

ectly. Why, she sees men with shell-shock

as she thinks me. ... Don't let

won't

ell her not to come. Tell her she can't see me. S

hink abo

uch beastly things. You can't thin

everybody. She d

that mother? You might

ld. Colin had been home six weeks and he had not once spoken Jerrold's name. He read his letters and handed them to Anne and

ne was wakened by Coli

are you

hite dawn. She saw him sta

my brain shaking and wobbling inside it, as if

se they

ight have lo

lin. It's your nerves. It's just

ver going

onger. Go back to bed

ing-gown and came to him. She sat by h

s when you put

d you'll

to her jo

y innocent, utterly pathetic in his sleep, and beautiful. Sleep smoothed out hi

e wrote: "Don't worry too much about Col-Col. He'

r whether he remember

e was not there to

i

gone to bed and they were sitting together in t

when Colin has s

's ever going to

it'll ta

ong

ong, pr

lived through these five years. First, Robert's death; then the War. And before that there was nothing but perfect happiness. I think trouble's worse

rold and Eli

I know. He'll never be the same again. I'd almost rather he'd been killed than that he should be

She thought: "He's Jerrold's brother. He

hen Robert died. I shall never marry again. I

't. I know it's been

ne, if I didn't believe

hink how you get on

u know I h

faith in Anything

fficult. If you love people, that's enough, I

akes it all so hard. If you didn't love them you wouldn't care what happ

e him, I couldn'

deline, "we both m

d ended in emotion. With Anne love was power in action. More than anything it meant doing things for the people that you loved. Adeline loved her husband and her sons, but she had run away from the sight of Robert's haemorrh

, "you'll leave me now yo

ble. He was retiring after twenty-five years of

e. "I shall stay as long as you want me. I

three days

little faded, but he was slender and handsome still-ha

up and down the lawn and on the flagged paths of the flower garden. Again he followed her f

us smile. She had the look of a young girl, moving in

ked out. In the full moonlight she saw Adeline and her father walking together on the terrace. Adeline was wrapped in a

you mind awfully going somewhere else? Coli

up to them with a l

ducky; we'

gone back to London. He had taken a house

e down smiling, more se

u could look after Colin if I went

ne's sister. She

urse I

raid of being

-Col? What do y

ed. "It isn't as if Mrs

g was the h

a rest and change before the winter. I hardly ever get away, a

you must go

delin

the first we

uare. Novem

life. We were to have married once (you knew that), and I jilted him. But he has never changed. He has been so faithful and forgiving, and has waited

uiet. No bridesmaids. No party. We think it best not to have it at Wy

blessing, t

r l

ne Fi

he was, without any fascination. She thought: "She's marrying to get away from C

ld Adeline it wasn't much use asking her

ke, that I can

her wro

the sort. You'll agree it's the best thing she could do for him. She's no more capable of looking after Colin tha

n there with Colin. If he isn't bette

g whether we're

et her have her own way; w

affectiona

SEV

ne ans

n't dream of reproachin

roach a pussycat

ch as you please-I s

not, darling, you can't

home. It would be the

ot. Besides,

ad you're goin

r l

N