WHEN LOVE BIND
anuary 1
e first day back to scho
n fact, that I had thrown up no l
ety the culprit for my erratic heartbeat, not to m
I stared at my reflection in the bathr
d tie. Grey skirt that stopped at the knee, revealing two scrawny, underdeveloped
n implant. I fe
ht me brought me up to the five feet two mark.
ried eggs for breasts, clearly untouched by the p
ace with a plain red hairband. My face was free of makeup, making me look every bit as youn
k any more human, and made a conscious effort to t
o
e me look disabled – a
ouched my cheeks with my finger
rtments, I liked to think I made up for in
that I was born with an
rue to a
be fazed by boys or fa
age, not with age. If that's the case, I was
e opposite sex. I didn't have an interest in anyone; boys, girls, famous actors, hot models, clowns, puppies...
watching the shitstorm that was my parents' relationship unravel had put me off the prospect of teaming up wit
rather b
to the point of no return, I stared at my reflection in the mirror an
ld myself. This is
face, desperate to cool the heated anxiety burning inside of my bo
ing behind. The thought entered my mind and I flinc
bullying in both prima
been the target of every child's fru
that they didn't like me and I wasn't to be associated with. And th
ith the other children on our street and never had a
Sc
for me, all nine – instead of the regular
d me back so I could repeat Juniors with a new class. Even though I was just as miserable in my new clas
ool in our final year of primary, I had rea
ol, with massive funding and top of the range facilities – coming from the brown envelopes of wealthy
at the local, overcrowded, publ
rrifying feeling of being
even begged Mam to send me to Beara to live with her siste
feeling that had overtaken me when my father
and didn't put up a fight when Dad insist
t got worse.
vio
phy
ed by several groups of boys all demanding thi
e I wouldn't get off with the very boys th
esting that the reason I was such a frigit
boys were, the girls w
much
sting that I was anorexic and threw my lun
c – or bulimic,
as a frequent event, it was a direct response to the unbearable weight of the stress I was under. I was
our local GP. Several blood tests and exams later, and our family doctor had assured both my mot
one irregular cycle in the summer that had lasted le
on my body working like a nor
angement, suggesting that the stress I was under at school could b
re Mam had pled my case, I was sent back to scho