WHEN LOVE BIND

or spreading, to sticking sanitary pads on my

seat behind me had hacked off a chunk of my ponytail with

moment, I had hated the ones laughing a

camera phones and forwarded it on to everyone in our year. The principal had cracked down on it quick

he toilets. I had bolted myself into a cubicle and contemplated on ending it a

ppointment, and at the time, I

ecause I was too

orking and waking up and hav

fuckin

-looking and called my tormenters jealous bitches. He told

and I wasn't so confident about

were the same ones that had b

ing to do with it back th

e for me and defend my honor, Joey didn

polar opposite of me in

was dark haired, he was fair. His skin was sun-kissed golden. I was pa

adored by everyone at Ballylaggin Community School, aka

ularity status along the way, but even without sports, he was a great guy.

impossible tas

e walked out of the house five years previous, following yet another infamous blow out with our father. Tadhg and Ollie, who were eleven an

his that I missed

than me. Big and fearless, he was the ultimate

er him and his friends, tagging along with him wherever he went. He al

stood the full extent of his struggle. Mam and Dad had only been seeing ea

's catholic Ireland, life had always been a challenge for my brot

ed him. He was always finding something wrong with Darren, be it his hair

d our father coul

ent in the past, and nothing anyone said could get it

ame way Joey was born stra

roke my heart that he wasn

hobic father was to

ted him for all the other terrible t

scriminating behavior towards his own

had hit the roof. Months of heated arguments and physical altercations had resulted in

aside from the annual Christmas card in the

e number or address for hi

t on Darren was switched onto the youngers boys –

e bookies, our father was dragging t

l of his atte

im, what with being

school or any club activity. In my father's ey

ome up with either. Dad told

sixth time, I grew

some irrational expectation of his. I would never be a boy, and there wa

gging for love from a man who, i

hough, and it was the reason I felt so muc

had his own stuff going on: with GAA, his part-time job at t

en around his neck, someone he was constantly having to look out f

brother's eyes another minute in that school. Passing him in the

the guidance teacher at BCS, Mrs. Falvy, even organized fortnightly counselling

at €80 per session, and having to censor my thoughts at my mother's request, I'd on

better. I neve

bear to watch my

r, so I sucked it up, slapped on a smile,

never stopped.

ne day,

floods of tears, with my school jumper ripped down the front and my nose stuffed with tissue paper to stem the bleeding from the hiding

n the boy they accused me of trying to seduce, and ano

ay I stopped.

etending. I