36 Years Old

ctly I have realized t

is that I have tried to

ad to break up with that boy just because I was afraid that he would have broken up w

ots of kissing games and I always had the

ve and curious

ways ended with a broken heart. Most

ain from the broken heart still is there. It didn't

lways dive into a relationship with a

life because I couldn't stand remember

ted for sev

I put my trust in God to put our lives in b

and move on. It wor

no one would know me and that I would forget

g, that I should have gone to polic

said th

They have always loved the way I looked

en I was a teenag

like being overweight. It is not good fo

s I previous wrote, they were my ange

en ran away from home with my boyfriend. But I did come back hom

With his death he took away a part of my

fought with death ma

a father, my best friend, the only one

est way I could, as he d

difficult to

it to anyone, by putting a fake smile on my face and

idn't think that anyone would try to confort me, but to my surprise there were ma

rs ago, I have never thought that I would get such da

will be 9 years old on May 1st, my other daughter Gilda

ll alive, they are my o

ign, at least on this moment when I am feeling a little hope, on other days

ve I really been living w

when I just shut all the connecti

would feel so amused if you would

gues have written to me and most of them have written tha

an say that is

come. Scared to answer a call, scared to have a video

ike I am truly myself, no shyness, no anxiety, no depression. That state of I

n bad moods, like I want to scream from the bottom of my he

verything is fine, although my oldest daughter often realises that I am not ok. I always do

in a bad mood, I feel better, even though he doesn't spen

very well, we try to make

love me back, but now everything had changed as he hurt my heart

, but he didn't let me, he is very decided that w

sible as I still have the ur

t if you could call it like that, to push away eve

to get to the surface. And I did it myself, with no

born, I have alw

independent being. I love to think outsid

be the wolf t

be bipolar too or just

mentally instable woman be able t

at work, either he goes to visit his dad and

s a family, I am not because I am too piss

t you do not know the whole stor

n I am at my darkest p

f, like working, taking care of the kids, doing chores, spend time outside whe

d then I make sure my kids are not around and I start cryin

he bathroom and wash my face a

ain this facade? Will I be able to do it for the rest

grownups, settled in their homes and then I will be happ

hildren and yes it is hard, but I

have kids and exactly when

who do not have kids and they suffe

seek help in doctors, if they

come to this age of

God and my i

ds, I have tried that with my husb

rough writing, I don't know why i

er calls, not me, it is a challenge for me to

each day for several times that everything will be

ngth anymore to say it, I often forge

le to reach for the light at the end of the

all we can actuall

come do and from

hings are supossed to

t I was always righ

ime, just too stubborn to lis

l kid that I was bad, because I didn't

I think it is part of who I am, although

o get along with ever

e would say, because indife

g about what people do, just do your best to be the