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The Life and Adventures of Maj. Roger Sherman Potter

Chapter 4 WHICH TREATS OF HOW THE MAJOR FELL AMONG POLITICIANS AND OTHER NEW YORK VAGABONDS.

Word Count: 3516    |    Released on: 01/12/2017

the day was excessively warm, the Major spoke a few e

me so much, that I forgot to put the prefix of 'Major' to my name, when I registered it in the big book. And this single omission had the effect of consigning me to an attic room in the ninth story. Having intimated an objection to this lofty position, the polite waiter said it was the most convenient room in the house, since, in case of a fire breaking out I could use the sky-light, and, having gained the roof, would be rescued by the firemen with their scaling ladders; whereas, a lower position would ren

, and the glibness with which he discoursed upon the events of the last campaign, I listened to him with profound respect. He said he would see that my name was duly chronicled in the newspapers, not a few of which he assured me he had full control over. In fine, nothing that could serve the interests of one who had made himself so famous during the late campaign was to be left undone. He kne

nd review the police, which body of men had become, under the new order of things, more devoted to beards and brandy than the good order of the city. He said I must be careful not to accept the invitations of councilmen to drink, for they were sure to saddle the payment upon their guest, to say nothing of their lately adopted art of making invitations a means of

le, I joined him, and we were soon at the door of the Broadway Theater, where the General, to his great surprise, discovered that in the change of his vest that evening (he had foregone the pleasure of a very fashionable party in the Fifth Avenue to do me ample honor

tensive acquaintance, for he introduced me to no less than twenty judges of the Supreme Court, whose good opinion, he said, it was well to cultivate, and many other persons, not one of whom was less than a major-general of the Ninth Regiment, a corps somewhat celebrated for its courageous marching and counter-marching up Broadway. Of the etiquette that ruled among the military heroes of New York

appertain to such artless beings as my companion would have me believe them. It struck me, too, that the toilet of these artless damsels was not what it should be. Indeed, there was an extravagance of color, and scantiness at both ends of their drapery, that both my mother and grandmother would have set down as in extremely bad taste. My

is fortune to their love of bright colors. And although he had filled two graveyards with ruined husbands, and was preparing a third for the great number of wives whose constancy he had crushed out with the high price of his laces, no one was simpleton enough to blame him. No matter how many sins of extravagant men he might have to ans

such indeed as I was not accustomed to; but I found them extremely easy to become acquainted with, and in nowise prudish. They did, however, keep up a suspicious intimacy with a brilliantly lighted, though not very

pledged her honor, of which she seemed to have a large stock, to return it safe. As it was the first favor she had ever condescended to ask of a gentleman, she felt sure I could not deny a lady. Notwithstanding my respect for rich bankers and their daughters, I begged that she would excuse me in this instance, and charge to my poverty what might otherwise se

ressed the great delight their company had afforded me, and took my leave, promising to pay them another visit at no very distant day. I now began to mistrust my companion, whose deportment did not

f free stealing, which was to be advocated at great length in its columns. Its general department would, my companion told me, be devoted to the histories of great historians, commencing with Jacob Abbot and ending with Peter Parley. Of its politics not much was to be said, seeing that they were written by my learned friend, Doctor Easley, author and compiler of 'The Polite Speech Maker,' and ought never to be taken as meaning what they said. Sharpeye and Scissors were to be honored with

zation stolen literature would confer upon a nation, I preferred to distinguish my generosity by a more national and less tricky example. This, I obse

would introduce me to the high priest of the Pewter Mug, which was the Star Chamber of Tammany, though many simple-minded people residing in the rural districts had mistaken it for the place in which Mr. Beecher, the reverend, wrote his celebrated star letters. No famous politician or statesman ever visited New York without scenting its pure atmosphere. And even Marcy himself, who, notwithstanding his grie

ere politicians whose metal had been hardened in the furnaces of the custom-house, and had passed enactments, which they enforced with great rigor, that no country-made politician should be

ho hoped I would not be alarmed, since the place we had arrived at was nothing more than the celebrated locofoco 'nest number three,' the members of which had their head quarters at Tammany Hall and the Irving House, and were very respectable men, and good working politicians. A less inquisitive man than a citizen of Cape Cod is acknowledged to be, could not have failed to discover the artifice. But my enthusiasm carried away my discretion; and, after descending six slippery steps, we c

r by the fourteen stalwart fellows who lay stretched at full length upon half-emptied whiskey barrels, and seemed much devoted to shattered garments, disfigured faces, and collapsed hats. 'Here,' my friend said, 'is your true working politician, who has no fear of the infernal regions, and never thinks of heaven.' At a word from him, they rose to their feet, though not without an effort, and having given their hats an extra tip, and thrust their hands into places where pockets ought to have been, and let drop a few words of discontent, like my learned friend Easley once said Calypso did, they seized tumblers and ranged up to the

ay Bishop Hughes for praying a recently-deceased brother through purgatory, a service he never performed without feeling the money safe in his palm. All at once they set up a howl like midnight wolves, which so alarmed me that I hastened into the street, where my companion soon joined me, saying it was a way they had of expressing a joke. Not being accustomed to the ways of working politicians of the New York school, I

he services of a detective would do the rest. Just as we were debating this subject a well-dressed man advanced toward us, and, stooping down, picked up a corpulent pocket-book, with the possession of which he seemed not at all easy. 'Friend,' said the man, 'I am an honest Quaker, can'st thou tell me if thou art the owner of this, for I leave for my h

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1 Chapter 1 WHICH TREATS OF THINGS NOT PARTICULARLY INTERESTING, AND MIGHT HAVE BEEN OMITTED WITHOUT PREJUDICE TO THIS HISTORY.2 Chapter 2 WHICH TREATS OF HOW I LEFT MY NATIVE CAPE, AND SUNDRY OTHER MATTERS.3 Chapter 3 IN WHICH IS RELATED A PLEASANT MEETING WITH A RENOWNED MAJOR.4 Chapter 4 WHICH TREATS OF HOW THE MAJOR FELL AMONG POLITICIANS AND OTHER NEW YORK VAGABONDS.5 Chapter 5 IN WHICH IS RELATED HOW PLEASANTLY THE MAJOR TOOK HIS MISFORTUNES.6 Chapter 6 WHAT TOOK PLACE BETWEEN THE MAJOR AND THE FISHMONGER.7 Chapter 7 THE MAJOR RESUMES THE STORY OF HIS ADVENTURES IN NEW YORK.8 Chapter 8 IN WHICH MAJOR POTTER ENCOUNTERS A SWINE DRIVER, AND TRADES WITH HIM FOR AN INTELLIGENT PIG.9 Chapter 9 WHICH TREATS OF HOW MAJOR POTTER ARRIVED IN BARNSTABLE, AND SUNDRY OTHER QUEER THINGS, WITHOUT WHICH THIS HISTORY WOULD NOT BE PERFECT.10 Chapter 10 WHICH TREATS OF TWO STRANGE CHARACTERS I MET AT THE INDEPENDENT TEMPERANCE HOTEL.11 Chapter 11 IN WHICH THERE IS AN INTERESTING MEETING BETWEEN MAJOR POTTER AND HIS WIFE POLLY.12 Chapter 12 WHEREIN IS RECORDED EVENTS WHICH TOOK PLACE ON THE DAY FOLLOWING THE MAJOR'S ARRIVAL AT BARNSTABLE, WITH SUNDRY OTHER QUEER THINGS.13 Chapter 13 WHICH TREATS OF WHAT WAS DONE WITH THE PIG; AND ALSO OF THE LECTURE ON CRABBE, BY GILES SHERIDAN, AND VARIOUS THINGS.14 Chapter 14 IN WHICH THE READER IS INFORMED HOW MAJOR ROGER POTTER, IN LOVE OF HIS COUNTRY, AND TO SUSTAIN THE HONOR OF HIS PROFESSION, DISPLAYED HIS COURAGE DURING A STORM.15 Chapter 15 WHICH TREATS OF A PARTY OF YACHTERS MET ON THE SOUND, AND WHAT PAINS THEY TOOK TO COMFORT THE MAJOR, ON BEING MADE ACQUAINTED WITH HIS VARIOUS EXPLOITS.16 Chapter 16 WHICH TREATS OF HOW THE MERRY VOYAGERS MADE MUCH OF MAJOR ROGER POTTER, AND HOW THEY INVITED HIM TO AN INTERVIEW WITH THE COMMODORE OF THE FLEET.17 Chapter 17 WHICH RELATES HOW THE MAJOR WAS RECEIVED BY THE COMMODORE OF THE YACHT SQUADRON, AND SUNDRY OTHER QUEER THINGS, WITHOUT WHICH THIS HISTORY WOULD NOT SUSTAIN ITS CHARACTER FOR TRUTH.18 Chapter 18 WHICH RELATES HOW THE MAJOR WAS RESTORED TO PERFECT HEALTH; AND ALSO AN AUTHENTIC DESCRIPTION OF WHAT TOOK PLACE ON HIS ARRIVAL IN NEW YORK.19 Chapter 19 WHICH TREATS OF MANY THINGS UNIQUE AND WONDERFUL, ALL OF WHICH TOOK PLACE WHEN THE MAJOR ARRIVED AT THE GREAT ST. NICHOLAS HOTEL.20 Chapter 20 WHICH CAREFULLY RECORDS WHAT PASSED BETWEEN THE MAJOR AND THE MAYOR-HOW THEY MADE SPEECHES, AND WERE SERENADED.21 Chapter 21 IN WHICH MAJOR ROGER POTTER IS FOUND ALMOST SUFFOCATED; AND HOW HE DECLARES THAT MEN OF LOWLY BIRTH BECOME DANGEROUS WHEN ELEVATED TO POWER.22 Chapter 22 WHICH TREATS OF HOW THE MAJOR RECEIVED THE CALLS OF DISTINGUISHED PERSONS, AND HOW HE DISCOVERED THE OBJECT OF HIS MISSION.23 Chapter 23 RELATING TO THE APPEARANCE OF AN UNEXPECTED CHARACTER, WHICH GRIEVOUSLY DISTURBED THE MAJOR'S EQUANIMITY.24 Chapter 24 WHICH DESCRIBES WHAT TOOK PLACE WHEN THE MAJOR RETURNED TO THE SAINT NICHOLAS; WITH AN ACCOUNT OF HOW HE GOT INTO DEBT AT THE ASTOR, AND VARIOUS OTHER THINGS.25 Chapter 25 WHICH DESCRIBES SEVERAL STRANGE INCIDENTS THAT TOOK PLACE, AND MUST BE RECORDED, OR THE TRUTH OF THIS HISTORY MAY BE QUESTIONED.26 Chapter 26 WHICH RELATES THE VERY UNMILITARY PREDICAMENT THE MAJOR WAS FOUND IN ON THE FOLLOWING MORNING, WHEN HIS PRESENCE WAS EXPECTED AT THE REVIEW.27 Chapter 27 WHICH RELATES HOW THE MAJOR WAS RESTORED TO CONSCIOUSNESS; AND OF THE STORY OF AN ECCENTRIC CRITIC.28 Chapter 28 IN WHICH WILL BE FOUND SEVERAL THINGS COMMON TO MILITARY POLITICIANS; ALSO, A CURIOUS HISTORY OF THE CRITICS, AS RELATED BY MR. TICKLER.29 Chapter 29 GENERAL POTTER RECEIVES A LETTER FROM HIS WIFE POLLY; HE ENGAGES TO FIGHT THE KING OF THE KALORAMAS; PREPARES TO LEAVE FOR WASHINGTON; AND VARIOUS THINGS CURIOUS AND INTERESTING.30 Chapter 30 GENERAL ROGER POTTER AND HIS SECRETARY ARRIVE IN WASHINGTON, TO THE NO SMALL ALARM OF CERTAIN ADEPTS AND OFFICE SEEKERS.31 Chapter 31 IN WHICH IS RECORDED A CURIOUS CONVERSATION THAT TOOK PLACE BETWEEN STRETCHER, TICKLER, AND THE GENERAL, AND WHAT THEY THOUGHT OF THE STATE OF THE NATION.32 Chapter 32 WHICH RECORDS HOW THE GENERAL GOT HIS COMMISSION, AND RETURNED TO NEW YORK, WITH SEVERAL OTHER THINGS COMMON TO POLITICIANS.33 Chapter 33 OF THE MEETING BETWEEN THE GENERAL AND HIS SECRETARY, WHO RELATES AN AFFAIR OF GALLANTRY THAT HAD WELL-NIGH COST HIM HIS LIFE; ALSO, OF THE DEPARTURE FOR KALORAMA.34 Chapter 34 CONTAINING A FAITHFUL ACCOUNT OF WHAT TOOK PLACE WHEN GENERAL POTTER AND HIS SECRETARY CROSSED THE LINE, AND HOW HE RODE THE FLYING HORSE.35 Chapter 35 OF THE GENERAL'S RECOVERY, AND HIS INTERVIEW WITH MR. TICKLER; ALSO, OF THE LANDING AT BUZABUB, AND VARIOUS OTHER STRANGE AND AMUSING THINGS.36 Chapter 36 ONE OF THE MOST TRUTHFUL ACCOUNTS OF HOW GENERAL POTTER SPENT A NIGHT AMONG THE DEAD.37 Chapter 37 IN WHICH THE READER WILL FIND THE MOST FAITHFUL ACCOUNT OF THE JOURNEY TO NEZUB; AND ALSO WHAT TOOK PLACE WHEN GENERAL POTTER WAS PRESENTED TO THE KING.38 Chapter 38 WHICH DESCRIBES THE ARRIVAL OF AN ARMY OF VAGABONDS; AND HOW THE GREAT BATTLE OF THE BANANA HILLS WAS FOUGHT.39 Chapter 39 WHICH TREATS OF VARIOUS CURIOUS THINGS THAT OCCURRED WHEN THE RESULT OF THE GREAT BATTLE OF THE BANANA HILLS WAS ANNOUNCED TO THE COMMANDER.40 Chapter 40 WHICH RELATES SEVERAL CURIOUS THINGS THAT TOOK PLACE AFTER THE GREAT BATTLE OF THE MIRACLE WAS DECIDED; AND ALSO HOW A GREAT QUARREL AROSE CONCERNING THE GOVERNMENT OF KALORAMA.41 Chapter 41 IN WHICH THE READER WILL FIND MUCH THAT IS CURIOUS AND INTERESTING.42 Chapter 42 WHICH RELATES A CURIOUS CONVERSATION THAT TOOK PLACE WHEN THEY REACHED THE HOUSE OF ANGELIO'S PARENTS.43 Chapter 43 THE LAST AND MOST CURIOUS CHAPTER IN THIS EVENTFUL HISTORY.