A Million Reason

Another sleepless night just might drive me insane.The night rides in on a horse of pure midnight velvet, beckoned by the stars under a the glow of a full moon. As the colours of the day rest, perhaps dream of the morrow, the hillside becomes its monochrome beauty, shapes that make an ever-changing, ever-present puzzle, question and answer united. In this night we all become one, from rock to plant to animal, one promise of life awaiting the return of the day.

I heard the creaking sound of the door opening. I turned my face towards the door and saw Helena. She bought some stuff for us.She carefully moves toward me without making any sound.

She doesn't want to wake up taffy.

She handed me the bag and asked me in a low voice, if I needed anything else I quickly checked in the bag and everything was in there. I thanked her and told her I have everything."Alright, how is she doing? I'll check up on you guys tomorrow"

" She is doing fine and thank you again for helping us"

" No worries I am just returning a favor"She said goodbye to me and headed out of the room.

I hold the taffy to my shoulder and she is smaller than a bag of sugar from the grocers. Tiny toes peek from his blanket, dangling in the summer breeze. Her head, a crazy mass of brown curls not yet rubbed bald from lying in her crib, wobbles beneath her supporting hand. I gently pat her on the back.When I hold her in my arms every pain goes away...

2 years ago...

I overheard a man weeping as he was told, "I'm sorry, sir. The plane has already departed and you have missed the flight. There is nothing we can do."People are in a hurry thinking that they might miss their flight. They are rushing to and fro about the airport. A man is arguing with the airport manager that he must reach his destination in time lest he miss his meeting.

A young man trying to dodge all the people rushing about as he pushes his mom in a wheelchair.There are long queues at the departures and there are many restless people waiting for someone who has arrived or is going to arrive.

People are restlessly wandering through the luggage and are busy finding their belongings. Planes are landing and taking off every few minutes. Arrivals are being announced and the sighs of relief the mothers are having having heard their son has landed safely.

The voices of people being irritated having heard that the flight they had been waiting for the past three hours has been delayed.There is an annoying noise of infants crying.

Workers are moving the lines of the trolleys to the store. Children are trying to help their father push the trolleys carrying their luggage as they about the airport. All this is happening while I sit in my chair and patiently wait for my flight. There are sighs of relief when we find out that we are about to depart in about fifteen minutes.

I was so not excited about going on vacation to my grandparents house not because I don't like them it's just like my cousin and my parents were showing too much on these kinds of trips... well yeah we are rich but that doesn't mean we are kept showing everyone.

I don't like it my only dream is to live a simple and normal life without any of these Boujee thing. I got up from the chair and holds my bag and moves toward the terminal.After the security check I finally got in the plane clung to the armrests of the airplane seat as it gained enough speed and finally lifted off.

This was not a trip I wanted to take, but I had to. I owed it to her. I slid back until I found a comfortable position and drifted off. I stared into space and I found myself lost deep inside my complex web of thoughts.

There were no words to be spoken and there were none that could possibly comfort me. My stomach growled, it had been three days since my last decent meal. I didn't pay any attention to it because my hunger wasn't my main concern at the time. Finally overpowered by exhaustion, I fell into a deep, profound sleep.

The next morning I was awoken by a stewardess announcing it was time for breakfast. The thought of food turned my stomach. It was still dark outside when the plane landed. My watch read 5:30 a.m. Once done with the endless paperwork, I walked into a room full of eager faces.

I searched through the strange faces until I recognized a familiar smile, one that I hadn't seen for two years. I dashed up to my cousin and greeted him with a proper hug. He hasn't changed a bit.

This was not my first trip to Hawaii but it was certainly one I would never forget. The city seemed different as we drove to the upper east side of island, I remember thinking we had landed in a strange city by mistake.

Everything seemed distinctly odd. There was something different in the air and I seemed to be the only person who could perceive it. We turned on the corner of 63rd street and I recognized the My grandparents beach house.

I was filled with warm memories of the holidays and the hot summer days I had spent in this house.

My cousin Vinny parked the car in the driveway. I get off the car and glance around the area.l always loved to look up at the house from the walkway, at this view one could see the perfection of the lavish structure.

The roof peruse over the porch blocking some sunlight giving way to the right amount.The numerous coconut trees at the sides of the house were all crooked but yet still formed a Prodigious One of my pattern favourite experiences of the beach house as a child was collecting the eccentric sea shells that were on or deep within the soft, white, crystallized sand.

I moved forward towards the main entrance of the house. I see none of my cousin outside of house. I felt strange because they were all over the place.Well I was welcomed by Mr. Wilfred was the oldest and sweetest person.

He works for my grandparents from a generation ago." Welcome stella... your grandparents and parents are waiting for you on breakfast""Thank you it's happy to see you and where is everyone else"I grin" Everyone is in dining room Stella"As I walk thru the long narrow hallway on my way to the dining room, I see huge pictures of family members hung on both sides of the smooth colorful wall. It seems like you're walking forever, then I finally reach the door of the infamous dining room.

You're first greeted by the tall, wide, almond color and trimmed in gold door. The door knob is always cold to touch like you're touching a block of ice. When you walk into the door the room is so cold, it feels like you're standing outside in a snow storm.

It looks as if it's the same size as a football field. . As you step in, you immediately sink a couple of inches because of how plush the caramel colored carpet is.

The long glamorous chandelier hangs from the high vaulted ceilings. Immediately to your left is a marble sink, with silver pull out fixtures and deep sink bowls. On the sink there is an automatic soap dispenser on the right and an automatic hand dryer on the left. Both are made of sterling silver.

The burnt orange and brown colors on the wall are so bright, it looks like the sun is shining directly above the room.

The walls are covered with many paintings.

" Good morning everyone... I said Loudly Everyone flash grinned except Hannah. She is one of my cousins. I don't why she doesn't like me... well I moved towards the grandma and grandpa and hugged them both and greeted everyone. Mom told me to sit next to her I sit next to mom and on the other side of the table Abby was sitting followed by Tyler, Hannah and Luke and my uncle's and aunties.

Abby, Luke, Vinny and Hannah were my cousins and Tyler is my far far relative. He lives with my grandparents and we were like childhood friends.

Abby hit me under the table on my leg and I glanced on her... she pointed me to go out with them on beach but seriously I was so tired I can't even move a muscle.I excuse everyone and got up from the seat.Mom also got up and told me I'll show you your room.

I felt a bit odd because I knew where my room was and why my mom wanted to come with me. I knew right away that something was going on behind my back... well we walked in the hallway and Mom said," Stella your grandparents held a party tonight so be ready for that by 8 o'clock and please behave good in front of guests''`

` O God! mom you don't need to lie to me I knew what are you trying to do. We had this conversation over and over again I don't want to marry with your friend son period"

I said to mom and put the ipod in my ears to not listen to this shit again.I went to the my room and locked the door from inside.I rest my forehead on the door and wanting to scream so loudly I wanted to tell mom that why I don't want to marry.

The fragments of my past coming right front of my eyes. I could hear the chaotic laughter trailing behind me.The way that night was not supposed to go. I'm scared of you. And I'm scared of me. And I'm terrified of why I'm terrified in the first place.I lived in a really dark place.

I wasn't safe in my own mind.

I woke up every morning hoping to die and then spent the rest of the day wondering if maybe I was already dead because I couldn't even tell the difference.

Tears roll over my cheeks and I curl myself into a ball and wanting to forget everything he did to me.

" Ugh, I wanted scream loudly, I wanted to tell everyone what he done to me but yet I am still quite sobbing and licking my own wound alone terrified"

I wiped my tear off and look up at the ceiling and thought,

" When this pain goes away from me I couldn't see myself in mirror I'm disgusted by my existence please God end this pain of mine."

I put on my fake happy mask again like nothing happened to me. I walked towards my bed and trace the silk sheets with the tip of my fingers I Lean down on bed and fall asleep.

In Night

I was cradling a pillow to my chest. I groaned when the first beam of bright light hit my face.Picking up the alarm clock from the nightstand, I looked at the time."Ugh, Oh I'm late why didn't someone wake me up?" I placed the clock back on the surface and slowly began to sit up. I put my hand to my head which was throbbing. "Nothing a little Excedrin can't handle." Crawling out of my warm bed, I walked to my bathroom and took out two pills to take, pouring tap water into my rinse cup. Once I took my medicine, I jumped into a shower, after taking shower.I put on the bathrobe and wrapped my hair in a towel. I put my suitcase on the bed and unzipped it." ugh! what to wear for the party?I put on a red tulle -short skirt and I paired it with a sequined tube top. I do Smokey eyes make up and curl my hair with hair curler and I almost burn myself in rush. I heard a knock on the door. I turned off the hair curler machine..." Wait... I'm coming just a moment" I yell and put on a pair of ankle heels and went to open the door. I open the door slightly to see who's there." Open the door it's me Abby!I pull the door and Abby stepped inside the room. She scanned me from head to toe and asked me, Why are you so dress up... don't tell me you are dressed up for party"" Yeah! you are right..." I knew that but thank God I came on the right time for your rescue"I left my one brow and said, What do you mean? I don't understand what rescue she said. She took a pause and glanced over my suitcase and took a black handbag from it and then she twirls on her heel. She handed me the bag and said," Obviously I'm not gonna leave you alone at an old people's party. We're all going to nightclub"" Wait... what!... she didn't give me a chance to speak. She shoved her arm around me and pushed me out of the room and I thought maybe it's good for me to not go the party because of that Rich guy which mom's wants me to meet.We both walked out of the house and saw Tyler in his car he started checking out me for a good few seconds. he was surprised to me coming with them. we get in Tyler car and Hannah and Luke were in second car.I wore seatbelt and Tyler asked me, All set ladies"I don't want to answer him so I stayed quiet the whole time but I knew Tyler was peeking through the rare view mirror.

Finally,we reached at club and Tyler parked his car on the entrance of the club. me and Abby get off the car And As we walked in we headed to the bar to order some drinks. As we were waiting for our drinks, I noticed a man sitting to my left, all by himself at the end of the bar. he was giving me creepy vibes. I sit on the bar stool next to Abby.I glanced around in the club..The club is hundreds of conversations told in loud voices, all of them competing with the rock music that dominates the atmosphere. The crowd is young, Tyler winds his way through the warm bodies to order a drink - the dark local beer. Before the drink is poured he feels someone melting their body to his from behind and I saw Hannah has arrived. I roll my eyes..." Oh God! here she comes Miss Drama Queen. I have to bare her tonight"I shift my gaze on the other side of the bar and wonder if I could melt into this bar. I'd be the vibe, move around as easily as the smoke. I'd soak in the laughter and the smiles, dance upon each octave in microscopic disco shoes. But meanwhile, back in reality instead of my imaginary world, I'm life-size, and so... instead I'll step into the shaded room that opens my eyes all the wider, see the muted colours of the bottles and the glitter then finds every spark of light. As the night goes on, I'll be more comfortable in this crowd, intoxicated by spirits and the moments all the same.Tyler tap me on the shoulder and I turned my face towards him and he said, ``can we dance." Ummm sorry but I have to use restroom, you can dance with Abby or Hannah"I got up from the bar stool and make my way towards the restroom.I walked through the narrow corridor towards the ladies restroom but suddenly I heard something first thought which comes in my mind, " maybe it's just in my mind" I moved forward but then I again Heard it. I pause and twirl on my heels." Where is the voice coming from?I moved towards the end of the corridor and saw a door and there was a sign hanging on the door and it's "say's only for staff" I drew my ear closer to the door... I heard...

"You are mine,' he grunts out, pumping into something the length and level of her arousal brutal. 'Mine,' I swear, as I release her mouth and turn her around, pushing her forward as I yanks her legs back, one hand hard on her back, the other gripping her ass. I don't slow the movement, giving her full, hard thrusts, her breasts bouncing from the top of her dress, the mirror above the sink giving me a full view of her slut dom. She was in a tight fitted dress, light hair mussed, mouth open, intensity over her face, and I found her eyes on mine in the mirror...You're mine,," I said softly, pressing myself into her depths. "Mine alone, now and whether you will it or no." she pulled herself against my grip, and she sucked in my breath with a moan"ahhh"

After hearing this from the other side of door.I took a step back from the door. My heart was racing impossibly fast and I don't know who's on the other side of the door and seriously, I just didn't want to know that. I turned around swiftly as I lift my heel up to take a step forward. I heard a creaking sound of the door.I paused and it's felt like my body shut down I can't even move a single muscle..." Wait! HEY YOU...I heard his voice and his voice was as hard as the blade of a shovel. I slowly twirl on heel and see his face. He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. I guess he must get used to that, the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they looked his way followed by overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. Of course the blush that accompanied it was a dead give-away. It didn't help that he was so modest with it, it made the girls fall for him. He was handsome alright but not my type. " Yes" I said..." I think this is your... he waves my bracelet in the air...I remained still despite my legs trembling. I could barely hold myself on my feet and my mouth was as dry as a desert. I thought I would pass out but he moved closer to me and I took a step back.He was now only short distance away from me. The neon red light licked one side of his face making him appear more dangerous and handsome. My mind was kept telling me to run but I don't run,why I didn't ran instead of running I kept moving back until my back touch the wall.

He paused infront of my face, I felt his warm breath on my face. I bit my lip, eyes everywhere but on him. Then he moves closer with those eyes that look so deeply into his own, "Hey, it's your." my breathing becomes softer, my body squirms just a little as my muscles relax. There is something about that gaze of his I'll never find in another man, as if in that moment their souls have made a bridge.

" Hey, do you talk or nah."

" Nah, this is not mine" I lied

He squint his eyebrows the Shockley blue eyes flames with temper and his voice was slightly controlled.

" What is your name?

" Why you are asking me and who the hell are you?

" Oozing aggression I like it and I just want to know your name, nothing more"

"Stella... Stella can I leave now please"

" Of course go ahead but before you go I want to ask you something"

"What!! I mean what do you want to ask? I don't know you"

" Why didn't you lied?

I didn't understand what he means by it. I straight my spine to not looked affected.

" I didn't lied about anything"

So you're always honest," he said.

"Aren't you?"

"No," I told him. "I'm not."

"Well, that's good to know, I guess."

"I'm not saying I'm a liar," I told him. He raised his eyebrows. "That's not how I meant it, anyways."

"How'd you mean it, then?"

"I just...I don't always say what I feel."

"Why not?"

"Because the truth sometimes hurts," I said.

"Yeah," he said. "So do lies, though."

" Nevermind can you give me space my friends are waiting for me out there"

He took a step back and gesture me to go. I sighed relief and walk past him but he holds my hand and pulled me closer to his body.

He bent down, his lips against my cheek, brushing it lightly-and still that light touch sent shivers through my nerves, shivers that made her whole body tremble. "If you want me to stop, tell me now," he whispered. When I still said nothing. He traced the line of my cheekbone, His lips were against mine for a moment I found myself kissing him back.

When I realized what am I doing? I knotted a fists in his shirt, pushing him harder against me. Finally, he realize me..

" What the fucking are you doing?

I rub my lips with the tips of my fingers and without looking him back I just ran out back to Abby. My breathing was out of control. I glanced around

" Stella where you were? you have missed the whole drama"