Pain under his spell

I keep on asking myself what is the definition of pain. Witness the beautiful flowers that were in front of me when he answered the question that I was having a hard time answering. Pain is the reason for every decision we make.

Some are left behind because they are afraid of being hurt.

Some leave because people are afraid of being hurt.

There are those who cheat because they are afraid of getting hurt.

Some people cheat because some people are afraid of getting hurt.

To make everything short, pain is the scariest thing that exists. We don't know when we will feel him and we don't know if we will be able to feel him once we do. We are all afraid of feeling bait. Especially in terms of loving someone. So, in order to avoid it we choose to put that pain in someone. We will decide to avoid that pain just so we don't feel it again.

"Isn't it over yet?!" Zoe shouted loudly as we were arranging my things.

He didn't even look at her and continued to fold the clothes I wore earlier. I don't want to make this hard for every crew member so I choose to help them. We just finished our photo shoot at Cole clothing, but instead of going home right away, I chose to help with the repairs.

"You're always a hero..." I heard him say softly before passing me and entering the dressing room.

She was my best friend back then and I know that she was mad at me. Sometimes I really ask myself why he is angry with me. We were both not chosen. She reaches her dream career which is to be a professional photographer. I had no choice so I ended up here.

"Heart isn't there yet?" Ela asked Keysi.

It was like something choked me because of what I heard. I can't move because I feel like I have no right. It's been a year but the guilt is still inside my soul and eating me.

I didn't like that. I didn't want to be hurt and hurt. I just... I just can't find any way to avoid the pain.

It's tiring because I can receive those diseases that over time are buried in my heart and mind. Avoiding pain is not cowardice. I just saved myself.

Avoiding the pain is not bad, especially when you just want to save yourself. It's not being selfish because it's taking care of your mind, soul, and heart.

"Alright... we'll take care of it, maybe Zoe's cape will catch fire," Keysi uttered, one of the stylists here.

I just smiled at him and continued what I was doing. Zoe is good at barking, especially using hurtful words. I'm used to him so why should I be afraid? When we finished the arrangement, I said goodbye to them.

I held tighter the coke float that I was holding when I saw a very familiar guy. He looks stunning wearing his white hoodie and navy blue cargo shorts partnered with his favorite white slipons. He didn't do anything to make everyone look at him but he already hooked the attention of everyone inside this fast food chain.

I don't know what to do. I bit my lip to stop the feeling. I admit that for the past years I still miss him. No matter what I do... I can't cut him. He still has a very special part in my heart. Only for him even if he doesn't want to.

He was not angry at what I did to him and for destroying the relationship between him and Heart. Because he is kind... I took advantage of his kindness.

Because Aze is the man who apologizes to you, he will forgive you.

"Daddy!" I almost fell out of my seat when I heard my son's voice.

I can't move while looking directly at her. He couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my eyes. My baby... My baby is wearing a smile that I just saw.

I want to kneel and beg Aze not to look at my son because when the three of us face each other, my world might collapse again.

"Baby girl... he's my boyfriend. He's not your Daddy," I almost froze when I saw Zoe walk up to Aze and hold onto his arm.

I slowly lowered my hand and pursed my lips watching Zoe's movements. They look good together, the reason why I felt like my world is slowly fading.

"It's because I saw his picture on my mom's wallet. My mom said he was my daddy..." Cheche politely explained.

"Maybe I'm just your Mama's idol, Baby." Aze softly said and tapped Cheche's head while smiling.

Aze smiled widely at my baby Cheche and I swear that my heart crumpled because of her reaction. The pain was slowly showing on his face but somehow he managed to smile. That forced smile... as if he was indicating that. It's okay... which he accepts.

My son watched his father and Zoe walk out the door. He is like a child who is lost while looking at the person who left him. No... he can't.

I covered my mouth and stifled pitiful sobs. It's like salt is sprinkled on the wound in my heart. Nothing... I can't do anything anymore. There was nothing I could do to introduce my son who was missing his father. I don't have the courage to tell him about this situation. I don't want to bother them. I don't want to hurt anyone again. I don't want to put pain on someone. To me... only to me.

Yes, this is the consequence of my action. So I must endure... so I must remain okay even though I know in the deepest part that I am not. He couldn't stop my loud sobbing along with the rapid movement of my shoulders and the rapid rise and fall of my chest. I covered my face because I know all of them are staring at me.

"Mommy! Why are you crying?" my son asked in tears and hugged me around the waist causing me to cry even more. "Are you in pain, Mommy? Tell me where it hurts and I'll kiss it..." he asked confused.

I looked at him sobbing. "I'm not in pain..." I lied.

I picked him up and held him in my lap. She wiped my tears while shaking her head like she knows that I'm lying.

"You told me that eyes can't lie and our eyes are the way to let our soul talk. What Papa Wave said when someone cries there are only two reasons. Happiness and pain. You can't lie to me, Mommy. Your eyes already answered my question," he explained at length.

I don't know but I cried even more because of what he said. I can't find any words to use as an excuse.

"I'm fine, my baby cheche. I'm fine Mama and you don't have to worry," I tried to smile.

Yes, I'm fine... I should be fine.

He nodded like an innocent kid. "Papa Wave just told me that happiness is when you feel that there is nothing missing. I don't have a daddy so I can't be called happy but here it is, Mama, what is it?" the bait?" he asked confused.

I looked into his eyes full of wonder "What is pain? Pain is the scariest one..."

"Chacha..." I froze at the voice that called me.

I tightened my grip on Cheche's clothes before turning my gaze to Aze who was now standing in front of us. He looked back and forth between Cheche and me as if asking a question.

I can't move because I don't know what to do. I felt like if I move then my world will stop rounding.

His jaw clenched as he stared at me badly. "You know... you know I can't be angry with you..." he said holding back and I saw his fist clenched. "I think I can do it now..." he said firmly while staring at me full of anger.