Dancing with a shadow

-" Hey, skeleton! Will you go for a date with me ?"

A bunch of laughs crossed all school. I just wish that teachers wouldn't hear it because I still felt a shame that people will know how they call me. Even if I know that everybody know how I am treated, but I still there is a small hope that it is under locked doors.

- "Av Tom is in love with a zombie, how cute". Sahra Tom's girlfriend stood in my way with a big smile on her face and I froze like a statue. I couldn't get away from her. My head was lowered, so I couldn't see her, but I felt her presence very well and knew that something bad will happen. I was their plaything when they were feeling bored. I stopped to breathe, waiting for the worst. It seemed all my body felt uncomfortable. I didn't know where to look or where to keep my hands. I hadn't pockets or books that it would keep them occupied, so I just crossed them to my chest. My all body betrayed me. It felt too tall, my hands too long, my head too big my shoulders too wide, I felt like a robot. Like stranger in my own body.

-"Where are you going, loser?" Mathew Markenson laughed and stopped me from trying go trough from Sahra Johns one of the prettiest girls in school. She had long straight blond hair, and charisma, that could awake a zombie, but not me.

I remember when in school was quarantine, this was the most peaceful days for me, also it was quiet and calm. There were only few children at school, and I was left invisible with them. I didn't notice how invisible I was until Sahra came back with all hugs for them like they were her brothers. A quiet zone became a colorful playground again. Then I understood why she is so popular, and I am a loser. She is a party girl where everybody feels special around her. When she was chatting with those few boys they became so alive, their eyes began to sparkle and all quiet space was gone with laugh and yelping when they put her up on their hands and even shoulders, they cherished her like a goddess.

Mathew Markenson is the smartest boy I know. Also, he is my secret crush. At six grade, he had let me use his notes and even called me with a name, but the same day he took off my one sport shoe and smelled it. He pretended like he was vomiting from bad smell, and all class was laughing. Yes, he was a joker of my class. There wasn't a time when he wouldn't make all class laugh, sometimes even I giggled from his jokes, especially in that time when I wasn't the joke he was telling. With every year his jokes were ruder and it all the time embarrassed me until I lost my identity. In the school I wasn't Caily Tallis. I was skeleton or zombie. It all began when Sahra's friend said that I'm skinny like a skeleton. And it feels like this opinion is the most joyful thing in our school. But the cruelest is Tom, Sahra's boyfriend. He is captain of football and respected not even by kids but also by teachers and my brother.

James pretends that I don't exist. I don't remember when he stopped to speak with me, or maybe it all the time was so, but after our incident with cat he broke me to the end. My beloved black cat named Star did a poop on my algebra book and all class laughed when Tom opened a window in saying save yourself if you can! A zombie opened the mouth, we all going to die from that smell!

In that day James, my brother, slapped his doors to my face. Then the word "skeleton" I heard for the first time not in school but at home. This was the day when I lost my brother. This was the day when I forgot my name too.

-"Why keep waiting, we can already start from here". Tom's voice brought me to reality from my thoughts about my past. Certainly everybody knew that he was bulling me nobody believed that he is asking me for a date especially in his girlfriend presence, but I didn't suspect what he will do next. Tom pushed down my pants really quickly, even his eyes went wide when my pants slipped down. I didn't have a belt which would stop it from slipping. I couldn't react as half school saw my period pad.

-"Evv that is so disgusting." Sahra laughed with tears in her eyes, and of course others followed her. Some were watching at me with pity, but mostly all laughed from my misery. Only my big sweater was keeping from full view, but cameras of the phones had bigger view than human eyes.

In a second, I was recorded. And I still couldn't move. Until I felt Mathew's hand from behind and i turned my blurry eyes to him, he took my pad and threw it on the students, some began to scream and others laugh at the same time. I was numb. My tears were somewhere stuck, I felt that I couldn't scream no matter how bad I wanted. Slowly I had put up my pants and walked home, but soon I felt when somebody cover with splitter my new bag which I bought it yesterday. Just keep going, just keep going home, I repeated to my self. It will be over soon, just one more minute.

I was walking with my hoodie on my head trying to escape, to be invisible in this world, tried to escape from them even when I knew that it was over only one day.

When my mother heard that I missed my class, she was so angry, I tried to say why I don't want to go to school but when I said THAT word that I was bullied she just looked at me like I was alien in her big angry surprised eyes, and then she asked me:

-"Is it a problem that you escaped from school? Is this an excuse from missing your lessons?" Her nostrils went wide when she laughed from such small problems as mine.

" In all times there were bullies and there will be, so what? Just don't pay attention to mean words, they mean nothing. It will all pass, but the bill you will have to pay won't."

-"You don't understand mum" I tried to explain how I felt, but the truth is I didn't know how to tell her everything, I was so embarrassed.

-"No, you don't understand how life works, Caily. Are you missing a leg?" She asked me and I whispered "-no" in guilty that I tried to ask some help.

" Do you missing arm or eye, or maybe you can't hear or speak?" the same dumb question, my all parts of the body are ok. She stood up from her bed, took some drugs with one hand without water, and came closer to me.

- "You know that I am able to speak and hear."

- "Did someone beat you ?" I shook my head in telling the truth, nobody had beat me in all years.

"So what the damn problem, Caily? Some guys use names on you, and you decided that it is end of the world?