Only mine

The sun was shining brightly and the rays were beating down on my face,I looked out the large window of the room and thought about life and why everything was so difficult for me,no matter how hard I tried to improve our situation,it seemed more like going backwards than achieving a more dignified life,as if our efforts had no effect.

"It's all right, my child."

I smiled lightly.

"It's not mother!, it's a tumor."

I was already crying.

I hated her way of finding or seeing good things where there are none, she forgot that we lived in a suburb, in a small village, paying rent, we had no money to splurge, no money to pay for the appointments at this expensive hospital, let alone pay for the necessary surgery.

"We'll get over it, honey."

She says gently.

My mother was 48 years old,she was a young woman,but not so much in appearance,as she didn't dress very well,her hair was red like mine,only hers was wavy,mine was straighter,she had many freckles on her pale skin and a beautiful smile,which always soothed me,but not when my problem was her health. Of all the things I would do,it would always be for my mother,she was my priority and who I loved most in this world.

"What are we going to do now?" I close my eyes.

"Nothing...or we can try for the audience."

"And die in line?"

"That's the solution of the moment, honey..."

"I'll manage."

"How?"

"Get a job, I can try as a secretary."

"Don't worry about it Gisele, let's try for the public."

I just kept quiet, she was very stubborn, it was a cost to get her here, she had a constant headache, then she started seeing with difficulty, she started having vertigo, but still she didn't want to know what was going on, I was very insistent that she come with me to a hospital. When I managed to convince her, we went to a public hospital and couldn't find out why everything was happening, so we had to go to a private hospital.

"Good morning Mrs. Sonia, good morning Gisele."

Says the doctor who attended her that early morning.

"Good morning doctor."

We speak together.

"Are you feeling better?"

Friendly question.

"Yes, sir."

"Good Mrs. Sonia, now you have to rest a lot, take the medicines to relieve the symptoms of the tumor."

"So we can go home now?"

I ask curious.

"Yes, I talked to the owner of the hospital and he let you go and pay for the appointment when you can, he left you in debt to the hospital."

"Great, this week I'll try to get the money to pay."

"No hurry Gisele,but we must be in a hurry to operate on your mother,no matter how benign a brain tumor is,we must do the surgery as soon as possible...your mother is suffering and may be left with sequelae from all these symptoms.

"Yes sir,we will see it as soon as possible,even if we have to pay in installments,but we will do our best to operate as soon as possible."

He smiles, says a few more things and leaves, then I pick up my mother and we go home, as soon as we arrive she was medicated and slept, then I call Luz, who was my good friend, she answers on the 4th ring.

Phone call:

"Hi Gi,how are you?" he asks as soon as he answers.

"Hi Luz,I need help" I speak already in tears.

"What happened, my friend?

"Remember my mother wasn't doing well?

"Yes, what happened to her?

"She has a brain tumor, it's benign but we have to have the money to do the surgery.

"If I had the money I would get it for you, but you know I'm trying to finish paying off my house, this is the only dream I can fulfill for my son.

"I know, and I would never ask you for the money..."

"I know, but I feel so sad for you ..."

"I understand, but don't worry."

"What are you going to do now?"

"I'd like to ask you to help me work like you."

"Are you crazy, Gisele?"

"I don't know what to do, Luz, I'm desperate.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes ... it's the only option."

"Ok ... You can come this weekend, when there are more clients and they pay well."

"Okay, thank you friend."

"No problem, I hope you change your mind."

"I won't."

"Okay."

Connection:

I look at my mother for a few minutes and then go to do the house chores. The days went by normally,I took care of my mother,the house and in the afternoon I went to sell fruit for a friend of ours,he always gave me some money after the sales,so I kept it until an emergency came up.

He always wanted to marry my mother,but after the illusion that she lived with my father,she gave up on having a new love. This same man always helped us with food,vegetables and fruits,he also went to visit my mother after she was not doing so well. And speaking of father,my mother doesn't talk much about him and what really happened in the past and why he is not with us,he might have dumped us or didn't want to meet me,but I would never know,since my mother didn't like this subject.

"Thank you Mr. Elizeu."

I speak as soon as he gives me some bags and the money from today's sale.

"Nothing my child,keep me informed about your mother,I will see with the bank if I can get a loan for her operation,but I can't promise."

"Yes sir,if you don't get it,no problem,I'll try to find a way too and you already help us too much,thank you very much."

"You're welcome, whenever you need me, I'll gladly help you in any way I can."

I smile and leave his presence,he was a man of almost 60 years old,neither ugly nor handsome,let's just say he had an ordinary appearance. I go home to make food, arrive and do the usual and so goes my Friday. On Saturday it's business as usual and as soon as it's getting dark I go to get ready,my mother looked at me curious since she saw me pass makeup,I was never much of a wearer,but today it was necessary.

"Where are you going honey?"

She asks finally.

"I'm going to help Luz and she's going to give me some money."

I lie, but it was for a good cause.

"Will you be back today?"

"I think not until early tomorrow,but I only go on weekends."

"Okay,anything let me know."

"Yes ma'am."

I finished tidying up my flame-colored hair,I was wearing cold-weather clothes,but I had other clothes in my bag,I looked in the mirror again and as soon as I made sure that I looked nice and without any freckles showing,I left the house.

I walk to the bus stop,I wait for long minutes and soon there's a bus going to my destination,I get on,pay the fare and sit down on a free seat,I shake my hands,I was too nervous,but I was also determined.

When it finally arrives near Luz's workplace,I give the signal and the driver stops the bus,I thank him and get off,then I walk slowly to the big nightclub,as soon as I arrive in front of the place Luz was already waiting for me,when she sees me she looks with a pity face,I also felt sorry for myself.

"Hi friend." She hugs me tight. "What's up?"

"Hi ,everything is fine as far as possible."

I smile at the blonde with the curly hair,she has always been a sweetheart to me,we met a few years ago,but we seemed to have known each other forever,as we had a huge affection for each other.

"I can imagine." She sighs heavily.

"Shall we go in?"

I ask wanting to get it all over with,with this bad air that seemed to be there in front,indeed the people who entered looked at us with great lewdness.

"Do you know that once we get in there is no turning back?"

"Yes,I know and I'm willing to take that risk."

"All right,look,you can still quit." She tries to convince me otherwise.

"Let's hurry Luz,you're making me more and more apprehensive."

"Okay,let's go."

She entwines our arms and then we enter the enclosure.

I run my eyes all over the place,it was very dark,it had blue and red lights,some colored lights flashed a lot,there were many men drinking/smoking cigars,everyone stood at a table in their groups,the women danced and used pieces of cloths as clothing,others sat on the boys' laps,I was a little scared with all these scenes and Luz noticing this,smiles at me trying to calm me down.

She takes me to the bathroom and then I breathe slowly, she thinks for a while.

"Now what do I do?"

"You need to get better dressed,just like me."

She takes off the large sweatshirt she was wearing,giving me a view of her body dressed in few and very short clothes.

"I don't think I have clothes that short."

"I have them here."

She goes through her purse and soon finds a tight dress, with a neckline and several ribbons on the part of the hip to the middle of the thigh, which did not cover the panties, leaving everything very exposed, like a TV ballerina dress, only without shorts underneath composing the outfit.

I take his hand and slowly get dressed, look at myself in the big mirror and feel a little uncomfortable, but I needed to accomplish what I came to do.

We left the bathroom and went among the people,Luz gives me a couple of glasses of alcohol and tells me to drink it all at once,I do what she says and soon I feel a warmth inside my body,I didn't feel the cold of when I arrived. She tells me to move around on the dance floor,so I imitate her,then she says that I should just wait for some guys to come up to me and do what they say,I just agree.

I dance for minutes and don't even see my friend disappearing in the crowd,I look for her with my eyes and don't find her.

"Hey girl!"

A man arrives already holding my arm a little too tightly.

"Let's go to the room!"

He orders already leading me to some place he already knew, but I don't and I feel a certain fear and apprehension, because it's not every day that a stranger gives orders and takes you somewhere.