Hold me, still

Benji’s POV

Sometimes in life, the unexpected happens. And when I say unexpected I don't mean something trivial. I'm talking about something that could shake your roots and reshape everything about you. Something that could break your facade into a thousand pieces of glass. Glasses that would be hard to pick and place back together.

To be sincere, I never thought this would happen to me. I was so focused on Brandon and his new family. Although it brought back memories, I was so happy for him because he was a very close friend. The word friend wouldn't be enough to describe my relationship with Brandon. He was a brother. We all are brothers. And I know how hard he fought to get a little bit of peace. I know how hard he fought to be with Emma now.

And also, no one would have thought that Brandon would be the first of us to get a child but who would have thought that he was having a trust with someone we all thought he hated? Not that they were in love with each other but he claimed they were sexually compatible which I have to agree with because I've been in the audience while they made googly lovesick eyes at each other.

And while I should be happy for them….no. I am happy for both of them because they deserve this happiness but there is something that reminds me of what my life could have been like if I had not been so naive and stupid. I pushed the best thing to ever happen to me away and most days, I sit and try to imagine what she would look like now. If she would be happy without me. If she thinks about me the same way I think about her.

But there is no way to find out because I signed a contract not to even search her on social media or even contact her at all. Funny right? That's a lie. I was the one who came up with my punishment. I decided not to search for her at all. No matter what I did, I could never live up to her father's expectations. I wonder if my being a billionaire would make him change his mind now.

My phone buzzed on the table where I had kept it and I knew my friends were going off in the group chat. Since there was nothing to do, I decided to see exactly what it was they were talking about.

Alec: I have no fucking idea what is going on.

Brandon:???

Alec: I mean I don't understand what is happening.

Piper: We got that the first time.

So it was the general group chat. The one that had every one of us in it. The same one where we had argued a few days ago about who was going to be Zoey’s bridesmaid.

Kevin: Speak English.

Carson: Pretty sure he is speaking English.

Kevin: You know what I mean.

Alec: Guys! I'm being serious.

Me: Then maybe you should explain better?

Carson: Is Benji being the most reasonable one in this group today?

I shook my head as a smile made its way to my face. Benji was the only black guy in our group and he was an actor but he was also the life of the party, and also the jokestar of the group. While people thought it strange that he moved with a bunch of white people, he did not care. Benji and Kevin had known him longer though. They've been friends since high school and no matter what people say about Carson relating with a group of white boys as they liked to call it, he did not care.

Emma: I don't see how Benji telling Alec to explain better makes him reasonable.

Carson: Make some noise for Mama Tyler, people.

Kevin: What the fuck? *Laughing emoji*

Me: Woohoo *laughing emoji.*

Brandon: Woohoo. That's my baby mama right there people. *Laughing emoji.*

Emma: Shut up you guys.

Alec: Guys, can we come back to the reason why I dragged you all here and not Mama Tyler although I still don't know why you named him Tyler, Dumbledore would've been better.

Me: Tyler is the best baseball player ever. And why the fuck should he be named Dumbledore? Do you want him to look like some old dude with overgrown hair extensions he disguises as a beard?

Kevin: Um….before this gets out of hand, Alec could you explain what is going on?

Alec: It's not overgrown extensions but that's by the way. I have a visitor. I mean I don't know if I should call her a visitor but since she just showed up she is a visitor right?

Zoey: For goodness sake, Alec just say what's on your mind.

Alec: So this is mainly for Benji though. You might want to come over.

Me: Why?

Carson: Do you miss him that much? As far as I know, we all live in the same area and Benji's home isn't that far from yours.

Alec: Shut up, I'm serious.

Me: Pretty sure you have to tell me why I should come over. Today's the day I play FIFA until I'm tired.

Carson: Should I come over?

Piper: Aren't you in London shooting a movie?

Carson: Fuck you caught me there.

Piper: There was nothing to catch. It was public knowledge.

Emma: Let's now go back to Alec and stop behaving like college kids.

Alec: Right.

Me:....

Alec: It's a woman. She's black. I think she's your ex-wife.

Carson: Your ex-wife is black? How did I not know about this?

Brandon: No one knew about this, you idiot.

Me: Very funny, Alec. Why would my ex-wife show up on your doorstep?

Alec: Well, she didn't show up at my doorstep per se. I was driving into the area when I saw her at the gate. She was about talking with the security guys you hired.

Kevin: Main entrance or….

Alec: Main entrance.

Brandon: And you just let her in? Do you even know if she is his ex-wife?

Alec: She is. I….I may have stumbled across her some time ago.

I scoffed. Alec saying stumbled meant he searched her up. And I dislike the fact that he would do that behind my back. What exactly did he plan to gain from searching her up?

Me: You went searching didn't you?

Alec: Yes. But that’s beside the point. She insists on speaking with you.

Me: So you couldn't reach out to me personally?

Alec: I panicked.

Me: Yeah sure

Alec: But I'm not joking. Can you come over?

I released a sigh and picked up a shirt. Alec’s home was in the same gated area as mine and it was just a walking distance away because the houses in this place were huge. I still doubted that my ex-wife would be with Alec, in his home. I found it hard to believe but still, there was something about this situation that propelled me forward so I sought to meet with her.

Immediately I got to Alec’s home, I saw him seated on the porch, he approached me immediately.

“Where is she?” I asked him.

Alec placed his hands on the hoodie he loved wearing. He dressed like a college kid most times but that brain was way more developed and he had gone through more than an average college kid had gone through.

“Inside. But..”

I ignored him and walked into his home, making my way to his sitting room. I heard voices. A woman speaking. I knew that voice anywhere because I had spent years with her. Alec wasn't lying.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw that my ex-wife wasn't alone. She was talking to someone else. A little girl who held a teddy bear that was too big for her. She looked scared….anxious? I could not understand children very well.

My ex-wife looked better. She looked good but there was evidence of tiredness in her eyes. As much as she looked good, she also looked stressed. The little girl was the first to notice me and she touched Echo, my ex-wife who turned and stared at me.

There was so much being said in her gaze. So much being spoken with just that gaze and while I wanted nothing more than to touch her. To hold her and kiss her. To whisper sweet nothings into her ear and make her mine, I couldn't. We were not that set of people anymore. The familiarity wasn't there anymore.

Echo was the first to break eye contact. She turned to the little girl who clutched onto her dress like her life depended on it.

“Mama.” The little girl said to her.

Echo turned to give her attention. “I just need a moment, baby. Would you mind giving mummy a moment?” She asked the girl.

The girl nodded but did as Echo asked. If my estimations were correct, then she would be about two or three years old.

“Benji,” Echo called out in greeting.

When I said the unexpected happens sometimes, this was what I meant. I knew with one look at Echo that my life would shatter like pieces of glass. Seeing her again was going to uproot my world. I knew but still, I wanted it to happen.