My Secret Crush

In a groggy, half-awake state, I mistakenly sent a risqué "short story" from my phone instead of my thesis to the group chat that included my crush and several lab mates.

To make matters worse, the story's protagonists bore the names of my crush and me.

By the time I woke up and realized, it was too late to retract the file.

1

I clutched my phone, leaning against the headboard, feeling a chill run down my spine.

The screen displayed the opening line: "Ricky narrowed his eyes dangerously, a smirk playing at his lips as he pulled down Elliana's spaghetti strap dress, revealing..."

I couldn't muster the courage to read further and desperately closed the document.

Here's what happened.

Last night, my friend Kaylyn, who loves writing, sent me a Word document with a hint: "Read it before bed."

She often shared her works with me, making me her first reader.

I got the hint but didn't open it right away.

I was up late revising my thesis and only fell asleep near dawn.

When the alarm woke me, I groggily saw a message in the group chat from Ricky, urging us to submit our thesis drafts.

With the last bit of consciousness, I sent the "thesis" to the group and drifted back to sleep.

When I woke up, it felt like my world had collapsed.

If it had been an ordinary "short story," I might have managed a weak defense.

But upon opening it, I discovered the protagonists shared our names, and the scenes were quite... steamy.

A familiar classmate messaged me privately: "Elliana, that was a bold move!

Impressive!" I feebly defended myself: "I didn't mean to..."

"Say no more, Elliana. Ricky will surely feel your intentions," he replied, adding a meme with "respect."

Speechless and choked up, I had no choice but to confront Kaylyn: "What on earth is this story??"

"Sweetie, don't you like it?"

Kaylyn sent a Tom blowing a kiss meme, "It's your birthday gift!

Knowing you have a crush on your senior, I crafted this over three days and nights..."

"Next time, use a message in a bottle to contact me."

I was completely floored.

Ricky is four years my senior, currently in his second year of PhD, and we're in the same department.

When our advisor goes for academic exchanges, he leaves us first-year grad students under the guidance of a few PhD seniors.

Ricky is one of them.

That day, he walked in from outside the classroom, carrying the dampness of a southern autumn, his eyelashes glistening with moisture.

My gaze traveled from his beautiful eyes down past his smooth jawline and neck to his long fingers holding a book.

I had to admit, as someone who values looks highly, I was captivated by his appearance from the first glance.

Moreover, our advisor was often busy, frequently assigning Ricky to guide us.

With increasing interactions, my feelings grew restless.

But clearly, Ricky is the type who is single-mindedly dedicated to academics, an unattainable figure.

A month ago, our lab had a gathering, inviting a few PhD seniors.

I had drunk a bit too much and, in the middle of the meal, received a call from my ex-boyfriend, Mathew.

He seemed drunk too and rambled on for a while.

By the time I returned from the call, most people had left.

Ricky escorted the drunken me back to the dorm, but halfway there, I stumbled and fell into his arms.

He pushed me away immediately.

Well, not entirely; he still held onto my wrist to steady me.

The cold night breeze sobered me up, and my heart felt heavy.

Ricky looked down at me and said softly, "Our lab doesn't allow dating-I mentioned this before, remember?"

I stared blankly into his eyes, which seemed to twinkle like stardust, clear and sober.

During the gathering, Ricky hadn't touched a drop of alcohol, still carrying a faint, cool fragrance.

My heart felt heavy as I forced a smile, "I remember... I'm sober now, senior, you can leave me here."

Later, Ricky insisted on walking me to the dormitory entrance.

I knew very well it was purely out of concern for my safety as a girl at night, with no romantic implications.

For the next month, I managed to restrain my feelings and interacted with him normally.

Then, this social nightmare happened!

The document was sent five hours ago and couldn't be retracted.

During those five hours, the group chat was silent; neither Ricky nor anyone else said a word.

My "thesis" lay there in the chat history, clearly having been viewed by everyone.

Thinking about facing the lab tomorrow, with classmates who had read my little story about Ricky and me, and the other protagonist of the story, I felt utterly hopeless.

2

Suddenly, my phone vibrated twice.

I thought it was Ricky replying, and nearly fell off my chair in fright.

Once I steadied myself, I saw it was another message from Mathew.

"Elliana, are you still mad at me?

I didn't mean to break up; it was just words in anger."

"Are you free tomorrow?

I'll come to your school, and we can have a meal together."

I stared at these messages, momentarily speechless.

I had liked Mathew for a long time and finally managed to win him over.

During our three years together, it was mostly me accommodating and tolerating him.

In my junior year, I had secured a suitable internship at a major company.

But Mathew insisted I take the graduate school entrance exam with him, for a prestigious school he had always wanted to attend.

The reason was simple: the school was out of town, and he didn't want a long-distance relationship.

The prestigious school was notoriously difficult to get into, but I couldn't resist Mathew's persistent persuasion. In the end, I gave up the internship opportunity and agreed to take the exam with him.

Ironically, I got into the school of his dreams, while he didn't.

After receiving the admission letter, Mathew suddenly suggested I forgo graduate school and work with him instead.

His reason was that if we saved enough for a down payment on a house, we could get married.

I was emotionally drained and lost control: "You insisted I take the exam when I wanted to intern.

Now that I've been accepted, you want me to give it up.

Mathew, can you stop being so selfish?"

Mathew was silent for a moment, then gritted his teeth, "If you insist on this, then we're not suitable for each other.

Let's break up."

I wasn't unhurt, but from start to finish, Mathew never considered things from my perspective.

It was a hard-won journey to get here, and only I knew how much I had sacrificed to get into this school.

I didn't want to compromise my life for him anymore.

So, faced with Mathew's relentless pressure, disappointment and fatigue nearly crushed me. In the end, I readily agreed to break up.

At the moment of agreeing, there was sadness, but more than that, there was a sense of relief.

I hadn't expected that just a few months into graduate school, Mathew would come all the way to find me and ask to reconcile.

After several rejections, Mathew didn't give up, not only harassing me on Whatsapp but also visiting the lab multiple times.

I didn't know where he got the confidence, assuming our breakup was just a tantrum.

How much had I compromised in that past relationship to give him such an illusion?

Once, he pulled at me downstairs for quite a while.

After finally shaking him off, I turned to see Ricky standing in the corridor, his gaze sharp as a knife slicing across my face.

That afternoon, he announced, "To ensure academic focus, our lab prohibits dating."

Seeing no reply from me, Mathew began another long emotional appeal.

Thinking of Ricky and the little story I had sent to the group for everyone to admire, I was frustrated and directly blocked him.

During dinner, I finally mustered the courage to send the actual thesis to Ricky, along with a note: "Sorry, senior, I was groggy this morning and sent the wrong file.

Here's my thesis draft."

Ricky still didn't reply.

What would he think of me?

A junior who throws herself at him, persistently clinging on?

A silly girl who writes secret stories about him after being rejected?

Feeling heavy-hearted, I stuffed my phone into my pocket, grabbed my meal card, and headed downstairs to the cafeteria.

As soon as I lifted the curtain and walked in, my eyes landed on Ricky just a few steps away.

White T-shirt, cargo pants, a straight back, and a face with a calm and detached demeanor under tousled hair.

My scalp tingled instantly, and I lost my appetite. Clutching my meal card tightly, I turned to leave.

But after just two steps, a voice as cool and clear as a summer night's breeze drifted over from behind me.

"Stop."

It was Ricky.

Though I wanted nothing more than to run away without looking back, the last shred of rationality in my mind made me halt.

Turning around, I saw Ricky, tall and long-legged, stride over to me in just a few steps.

I forced a smile, "Ricky... Senior?"

His gaze swept lightly over my face and landed on the meal card I was clutching.

I heard his cool voice, "Are you nervous?"

"No... no."

I denied it, but when I looked down, I saw my fingertips had turned white from gripping the card so tightly.

I wasn't sure if it was my imagination, but Ricky seemed to chuckle softly.

Unfortunately, when I looked up again, he had already returned to his aloof demeanor, like someone out of reach.

"When will you give me the first draft of your thesis?"

Mentioning the thesis made my brow twitch, and I whispered, "Um... I already resent the first draft to you."

Ricky took out his phone, tapped the screen a couple of times, browsed for a moment, then put it away and looked back at me. "Got it.

Want to have dinner together?"

After such an awkward incident, I should have refused.

However, the bright lights of the cafeteria highlighted his handsome features, and my heart wavered.

I bravely agreed.

Walking alongside Ricky, the soft fabric of our sleeves brushed against each other, and at certain moments, my fingertips grazed his cool skin, making my mind wander.

When he sat across from me with his dinner, the collar of his T-shirt dipped slightly, revealing a beautiful collarbone with a small mole.

At that moment, I inexplicably recalled Kaylyn's description in her writing:

"When he was aroused, crystal beads of sweat trickled down, leaving his collarbone and shoulder damp.

Elliana cautiously reached out to touch, only to have Ricky grasp her hand and guide it down with a smile..."

Stop!

Elliana, stop it, you hopeless romantic!

Blushing, I lowered my head, only to hear Ricky ask again, "Is it too warm for you?"

"No, no, the noodles are just a bit spicy."

I wished I could bury my face in the bowl right then.

After dinner, I bid Ricky farewell. Before leaving, he kindly reminded me, "Remember to come to the lab on time tomorrow."

That night, I had a dream where I was caught sleeping in the lab, and my advisor punished me by making me read aloud the steamy fanfic about Ricky and me.

With a stiff face, I read aloud on stage:

"Ricky's white shirt was soaked, clinging to his body, outlining his muscles.

He unbuttoned two buttons, trapping Elliana between his arms..."

When I looked up, the scene had somehow transformed into a steamy bathroom.

Ricky stood before me in a white shirt, a slight smile on his lips, his voice low, "Elliana, shall we give it a try?"

And then I overslept.

After hurriedly washing up, I rushed to the lab entrance, only to find Ricky had just arrived too.

We entered together, and I felt several meaningful glances cast our way.

I tried to maintain my composure throughout the morning in the lab, but people kept giving me odd looks.

One girl even approached me when Ricky stepped out, asking, "Elliana, your writing is impressive-do you take custom commissions?"

I wanted to explain that the piece wasn't my creation, but Ricky returned just then.

She had to return to her computer, whispering to me before she left, "Let's talk later. I'm willing to pay."

I wished the ground would swallow me up.

My data had some issues, so I was the last to finish the experiment, staying an extra half hour after everyone else had left.

When I finally packed up and stepped out, I found Ricky sitting on a bench in the hallway.

"Senior, you didn't leave?"

He put away his phone and looked at me, "I stayed to see you."

His words tugged at my heartstrings, and I was about to say something when someone suddenly turned the corner at the end of the hallway.

His gaze flicked between Ricky and me, then he showed a look of realization.

It was Alfred, the lab mate who had admired Kaylyn's work in the group chat yesterday morning and later messaged me privately on Whatsapp.

I looked at him in panic, trying to signal him to keep quiet with my eyes.

But Alfred didn't get it at all. He just gave me a thumbs-up, "Elliana, impressive!"

I wanted to die.

After Alfred left, it was just Ricky and me standing there in silence.

After a long moment, I recovered slightly from the extreme embarrassment and asked quietly, "Senior, is there something you need?"

"I wanted to discuss something about the experiment project with you."

I immediately tensed up.

When I first got into this program, I put in a lot of effort.

Initially, working on the lab's major projects often left me feeling overwhelmed.

Gradually, with guidance from my advisor and Ricky, I caught up, but I still felt uncertain.

Ricky's mention made me think of something bad.

"Is there a problem with the experimental data I submitted earlier?"

"No."

Ricky denied my guess and quickly added, "It's about a new project."

He offered to buy me a bubble tea, and though I intended to politely refuse, he coolly remarked, "Don't you love it?

You always have a cup on your desk when writing reports."

I gave up resisting, "Thank you, Senior."

At the shop, I ordered my usual full-sugar taro bubble tea, a sweet, creamy drink popular in Asia, and turned to ask Ricky what he wanted.

He looked at the menu for a long time before saying, "I'll have the same as you."

I hesitated, and sure enough, Ricky took a sip and set it aside.

I love sugary treats and always order full sugar for my bubble tea.

When I was with Mathew, he took one sip and spat it out, questioning how I could drink something so sweet.

I expected Ricky to complain too, but he said nothing. Instead, he asked the staff for a bag and put the bubble tea cup inside.

"Too sweet?"

"Yeah."

Ricky said, "I'll take it back for Neil. He likes sweet things."

Neil was his roommate, a doctoral student under the same advisor, assisting with the project in the neighboring lab.

Ricky paused slightly, then leaned closer to my ear, "I was talking about a new major regional research initiative I'm starting, and we're short..."

His breath brushed against my hair, tickling slightly.

My ears turned red, and I instinctively moved away, only to hear a familiar voice in front of me, questioning, "Elliana, why did you block me?"

Looking up, I saw Mathew standing not far away, staring at Ricky and me with a hint of anger.

Before I could react, Mathew had already stepped over, glaring at me, "How long has it been since we broke up, and you've already found someone new?"

His eyes seemed sad, but I found it amusing.

"That's none of your business," I said, biting my lip. "We're already broken up. Don't contact me anymore."

I turned to leave, but Mathew reached out as if to grab my wrist.

I stepped back, stumbled, and fell into a warm embrace behind me.

A soft grunt came from above my head.

My face turned crimson, and I jumped up like a startled rabbit, turning to Ricky, "Senior, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-are you okay?"

Ricky shook his head, his voice cold, "I'm fine.

Let's go."

Mathew tried to stop us again, but Ricky's icy gaze froze him in place.

As Ricky and I walked away, Mathew's dejected voice called from behind, "Elliana, I've changed jobs to be closer. We don't have to do long-distance anymore.

Give me another chance, please?"

I paused but didn't look back.

Ricky walked me to the dormitory entrance. Before parting, he suddenly asked, "Was that your boyfriend?"

I was stunned for a couple of seconds before realizing he was asking about Mathew.

"No, no, no, he's my ex-boyfriend!"

I snapped to attention, standing up straight and cross my heart, "Don't worry, senior, I've always strictly followed the lab rules and haven't dated anyone!"

A gentle breeze stirred the air as Ricky looked at me in silence for a few seconds, then suddenly curled his lips into a smile.

"You don't have to follow the rules, but not with him," he said before walking away.

I stood there, stunned, watching Ricky's tall figure gradually disappear into the distance. It took me a while to process what he meant.

Was he saying I could date, just not with Mathew?

Why?

Did he really dislike Mathew that much?

Unable to figure it out, I slowly walked back with the half-finished cup of milk tea. As soon as I reached my dorm, I received a file from Ricky on Whatsapp.

It was about the provincial project he had briefly mentioned earlier. It involved developing a patent, and Ricky was the main person in charge. They still needed someone to monitor experiments, record, and calculate data.

"I think you're very suitable," Ricky sent two more messages. "Of course, you can look at the project's details first before deciding."

Honestly, I was quite intrigued.

Our advisor had mentioned at the beginning of our studies that participating in a large project during graduate school was a rare practical opportunity.

Whether I pursued a PhD or entered the workforce, it would look good on my resume.

But... my coursework schedule is already quite full, and I had a part-time job, so it would be hard to fit it all in.

In the end, I had to reluctantly decline Ricky in person: "I'm sorry, senior.

I'm really interested, but I might not have enough time."

Ricky was writing something when he looked up at me, frowning, "Why?"

"Uh... well, my coursework experiments already take up a lot of time, and I have other things to do..."

Ricky seemed a bit upset, "What things?

You have time for a part-time job, time to play games, time to write-that kind of stuff, but no time for the project?"

When he mentioned "that kind of stuff," he paused, and his face suddenly turned red.

It took me a couple of seconds to realize what he was referring to. I wanted to explain that I didn't write that piece, but it seemed like it would only make things worse.

Still... he looked quite charming when he was flustered.

I stood there, feeling both conflicted and embarrassed, when Ricky took a deep breath and regained his usual calm demeanor.

"I'm sorry, I lost my composure.

The project is a rare opportunity and would greatly benefit your resume. Please consider it carefully."

"Okay," I replied obediently and slipped away.

Back in my room, I found a message from Mathew asking me to remove him from the blacklist.

After some thought, I decided to unblock him.

The reason was simple: I suddenly remembered he still owed me five thousand yuan from six months ago.

As soon as I unblocked him, Mathew eagerly reached out: "Yuan Yuan, when are you free? I'd like to treat you to a meal.

Don't worry, my company is close to your school, so I can come over anytime you're available."

I stared at the message, momentarily lost in thought.

Once upon a time, in my relationship with Mathew, I was always the one taking the initiative.

I would ask him out, wait for him, and even cancel plans when there was a conflict, all in the hope that he would change.

I accommodated him for three whole years, always fantasizing about a change that never came.

It was only six months after our breakup that our roles reversed.

Seeing no reply from me, Mathew sent three playful emoji stickers in quick succession.

I snapped back to reality and messaged him, "Look out the window."

Mathew replied sweetly, "The weather is nice, perfect for a date.

What's up, Yuan Yuan?"

I said, "Do you see that cloud in the sky? Doesn't it look like the five thousand yuan you owe me?"

Six months ago, before Mathew and I broke up, he borrowed five thousand yuan from me, saying it was for rent.

That money was never returned.

When I suddenly brought it up, he was clearly caught off guard and took a while to respond: "I'll pay you back in person. Can we meet?"

These days, it's the debtor who calls the shots.

I agreed to meet Mathew on Friday evening at the school gate for dinner.

However, when Friday arrived, I spent the entire day in the lab, struggling with a set of data that just wouldn't come out right.

The more anxious I became, the more mistakes I made, dragging out the process even longer.

Mathew called twice, but I hung up both times. He then messaged me on a chat app: "Yuanyuan, are you done yet?

If not, should I come pick you up?"

I grabbed my phone, ready to reply, when a long, slender finger suddenly appeared in front of me, tapping lightly on the desk. "Have you submitted your data?"

Looking up, I met Ricky's cool and calm gaze.

I swallowed hard and quietly put my phone away. "Not yet...

There's a set of data that's still not working, and I'm adjusting it."

Before I could finish speaking, a familiar presence suddenly leaned in.

Ricky bent down, took the mouse from my hand, clicked twice, and then typed rapidly on the keyboard.

I watched, dazzled, and it took me a while to catch up with his thought process.

Ricky asked if I understood, and I nodded vigorously. "Got it!

Thank you, Senior Ricky!"

After saving and submitting the data and uploading a backup, I realized that only Ricky and I were left in the lab.

He stood at the podium, packing his notebook into his bag, and his gaze swept over to me, stopping on my face. "Want to have dinner together?"

Ricky was inviting me to dinner!!

My heart fluttered, and I almost lost my composure until my vibrating phone reminded me that I still hadn't collected the five thousand yuan (about 700 USD) from Mathew.

Reluctantly, I had to refuse with tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry, Senior, I have plans tonight. Can we have lunch together tomorrow?"

Ricky was silent for a second, his voice turning cold. "Tomorrow is Saturday."

Oh, right.

I forced a smile. "Then next week, let's plan for next week."

After speaking, I didn't dare meet Ricky's indifferent gaze again. I grabbed my backpack and slipped away.

At the Sichuan restaurant by the school gate, Mathew and I sat across from each other.

After some small talk, I felt the time was right and decided to get straight to the point. "When will you pay back the five thousand yuan?"

Mathew was in the middle of serving me food, and his hand holding the chopsticks froze in mid-air, causing the spicy rabbit meat to tumble onto the table.

He forced a bitter smile.

"Yuanyuan... Do you have to bring this up now?"

"Isn't that why we're meeting?"

Mathew took a deep breath, and I saw a flicker of pain in his eyes, which suddenly made me feel a bit dazed.

"If... if there wasn't even this five thousand yuan between us, would you have ever taken me off your blacklist?"

I remained silent.

He forced a bitter smile.

"Yuanyuan... I really know I was wrong.

You were too good to me before, and I got used to it, thinking it could go on forever.

It's not that I don't like you, Yuanyuan. You're the only girl who's ever touched my heart..."

Mathew said a lot, and while I wasn't completely unmoved, every time I thought of my past self who compromised unconditionally, I quickly snapped back to reality.

Seeing that I remained unmoved, Mathew paused, then suddenly pulled a small box from his pocket, and knelt down on one knee in front of me.

I was taken aback. "?"

He opened the box, revealing a sparkling ring inside, and looked at me with hopeful eyes.

The commotion was so big that people in the restaurant started glancing over.

My eyes awkwardly wandered around, trying to find a familiar face to rescue me from this scene, and ended up locking eyes with a familiar pair of cold eyes.

!!

I widened my eyes in disbelief at Ricky, who was sitting at a table away, along with Senior Xu Qing across from him.

"Senior Ricky, Senior Xu...

What are you doing here?"

Ricky pressed his lips together, his expression cold, clearly not in a good mood.

I wisely turned my gaze to Xu Qing.

He held a cup, half-covering his face, and gave an awkward smile. "Well, you see, Ricky suddenly-"

Ricky turned his head and glanced over, and Xu Qing immediately cut himself off, paused, and then started again.

"I suddenly wanted to eat Sichuan food, so I asked Ricky to come with me. Younger colleague, are we interrupting you?"