A Maid and a Million Men

usy

1

est in those French box cars that are marked "8 chevaux 40 hommes" and it took me a week

the place they were fixing up there to take care of horses that were shipped over for the cavalry and artillery-although the cavalry didn't have much to do in a war of this kin

e, because we only had one spare. While we were standing around-I was trying to help him-the General noticed that I was doing quite a lot of fi

ly, but I had put off doing anything about it until I could get a bath and a new change of

he just suggested, "If you have, Sergeant

sir," I s

o clean them out of your clothes. I advise burning them

t as well as he could! The way he said things gave me the willies anyway, and I just

," said th

get a private bath. I carried with me a complete change of clothes and two kinds of medicine and a bluish ointment th

building, where there were several little rooms just large enough for a bathtub. The woman chattered glibly as she wiped out the t

shed the door shut. I didn't take off anything else, but just sat there on the stool an

telling me how nice it was to meet a fine young

e," I told her. "I

claimed. "I will help you." She

u!" I told her. "I can get along

I was just on the point of removing my cootie-laden underwear-regulation issue, by the way-when I happened to look at the door and noticed a cracked panel through which I could se

ac for after the bath?"

" How does a woman get like that: if she were young, I could understand it-but a woman

and as soon as the water started to run, the old woman came back to the door with her jabbering, wanting to know what I was trying t

ities-too generous, I later discovered, for my skin was so sore in some spots that I

t a wonderful American soldat I was, how young and clean, and she finally attem

urried out of the place. I carried my clothes back to camp and burned them, cooties and

That woman seemed to be obsessed with the idea of making love to me. I guess I was not

2

om Vyvy, I sent her a post card w

et. Mademoiselles aplenty but all ugly. All my lo

on

ut photographs suitable only for private collections-some of them actually revolting in the scenes they depicted-I decided that they couldn't possibly get through the United States Mail. I did buy about a dozen of the r

luable to send by mail, so I'll bring them home with me. Every

ertainly

as entitled FIT TO FIGHT or something like that, and by the time it was over, I must confess that I wasn't fit to do anything. Whew! And the comments the fellows made anent various familiar details. Every new sequence in the picture recalled some personal experience or story to somebody near me

intended to do. I might have known that he wouldn't stay there, although it would be a wonderful place for him to commune with nature and let his

y think I was here. He never did have much liking for Leon, so naturally would not break his neck to see him. But Jay-Jay was foxy: yo

3

st look up Lisa at once and thus be able to fall back upon her in case of discovery or trouble of any kind. It was awfully funny, too, because the post card was sent from this very city of Le Mans, and I'd be leaving in another day or so. So I made

this r?le. I was a pretty cle

4

from Auntie without copying the name of the man Lisa married. I knew her maiden name but I had

n section, looking at window signs and cards, and repeating over and over all the possibilities that came to my mind. I knew

o wildly that their hands were all wet, and one of them kept referring to some name that finally began to sound familiar. I listened more closely and, s

artled man. "Pierre Lenoti

aimed. "And where does one find

stepped from beneath his little roof long enough to point to the sign over the doorway in which I was sta

ked at the old sign o

HIEN

Lenot

was Lisa herself: a little older looking, fatter and perhaps harder faced, but I knew her at once. I started to yell across th

to say something. But she just stared at me,

out finally. "Do

rs to take much stock in any of them. I removed my cap and l

n't believe me, coming upon her so unexpectedly. Finally her grin broaden

ering, into a back room which opened off the main room at the end of the little bar. Then she looked

that she was right. "

ement of these foolish Americans who play tricks on hard-working people. She spluttered and fussed and stared at me

. "This is more worse yet! You joke: you are Leon!

on," I insisted

kes. When I was too weak from laughter to argue further, I proved to her my identity in the only way in which it could be proved. She was too dumfounded to speak, so while she sat silently gaping at me, I tried to explain how I had come here. Finally she understood and believed me. Not

y, bald-headed and walrus-mustached man appeared in the doorway and glared daggers at us. I knew at on

plain to him that I was really a girl. I hoped I wouldn't hav

5

welcomed me with a smile but, if looks could kill, I'd be a dead rabbit right no

y trouble. She just laughed at me. "It is too funny, chère," she e

ll him I am a g

his head. He speaks everything he knows when he gets beaucoup zigzag. Non,

t rag at Esky and wouldn't let him come in at all. H

6

ough the British in Flanders. General Backett heard reports that didn't sound very good: apparently the Fritzies were putting everything they'd got into this offensive, because they figured that it was now or never. If they couldn't w

d for replacements was increasing, with the result that our division was designated as a replacemen

d more physically robust officers. He was rather upset about it, I guess, but he was too old a soldier to ki

the General so well and I got along so easily, that I was glad he was taking me with him. I mean, common sense told me I'd have less to worry about if I stuck w

d act as General Backett's personal aide. And Getterlow was assigned to drive

job drivin' er doin' somethin'?" he wanted to know. "I'd give my shirt to get into somethin' different.

get the can before l

demanded. "He ain't no chauffeur. He told me

s rating and was assigned to this job by

an' I know more about wagons than that kike will ever know. But I ca

hould happen to Getterlow-"In fact, I'll do my best to help something h

rmy: if you're a good cook, they make a machine gunner outa ya; if ya can run an airplane, they put ya to work in a canteen sellin'

him, more than I would if he were my brothe

e time I was there. I guess Lisa didn't think the jealousy joke was so funny now. She said he had accused her of everything from ad

ife. And Lisa must have been a good wife, too. But she wou

as well for me that I was leaving Le Mans. M. Lenotier didn't care to sell me any wine and didn't want me in his café at

7

r enlisted man might as well have his arm hitched up to his cap: you had to salute every time you turned around, and half the officers didn't bother to

happened ten years earlier," he said, "I would be taking my command into a zone of action-bu

f work, sir?

ion of our actual work will be in the S.O.S. and under the Headquarters at Tours.... Oh, it will be more or less interesting, and besides, somebody has to do it: someone ha

spector General's Department, and

s and reporters. We will inspect organizations and administrations and investigate cases of criminal misconduct and evidences of poor co?rd

omething or investigate somebody. Well, it

8

much for wartime France. Every house shut up tight at dusk. No street lights. Military Police eve

outine stuff to serve as an introduction to this kind of stuff. Ent

y inane, utterly foolish of me, too. However, the fact remained that I did se

icker turned up around my ears and I just couldn't make my hands pull it down-I couldn't decide whether I wanted him to see me or not. In the first place, if he had a memory for faces, he might recognize me at once; and I didn't know wheth

lish to be so excited: probably nobody would be suspicious of me-I mean, after all, Captain Winstead would not have any reason to suspect that a g

9

in Bourges and brought let

myself for having anything like this, but I'll stay here now until you poison Getterlow and get me out." I was surprised to find that he could actually write

that Leon gave up trying to get across any other way and finally enlisted in a hospital unit that

pretty small place, in so far as American soldiers were concerned: there were only half a dozen places where they congr

etract all those horrid things I thought of my fair brother. Of course, he could have started sooner for camp, but then, after all, he started and did try to get there, and now he'd proved his mettle by enlisting again. Only I could

eams and reams of statistics on every conceivable detail of the American establishment there. I was afraid the General was so full of regulations and knowl

he boss's errand boy and Getterlow drove. I guess the General kept Chilblaines with him for the latter's protection: the lieutenant's father or mother or uncle or somebody was a close friend of the General's and I

d to see a fellow get bawled out. But he was getting worse. He got drunk every time we stopped a

f Getterlow. I wrote to Ben, but didn't hear from him,

1

ance, visiting aviation fields, all kinds of training schools, hospitals, ordnance depots, quartermaster depots, motor transport parks, and God only knows wha

t him in a Casuals company. I'd have to move fast now or he'd be getting sent up to some replacement out

long. Said he hadn't heard from my sister for months-"Do you know where she is now?" Wanted me to let him know if I ever got near Paris or Tours or Cha

et chance he had of getting a letter from th

could make me put my foot in it: I would write a letter to him and send it to Aunt Elinor to remail. That'd take over a month but it would throw him off the track. I'd m

glad or sorry, for the Lord only knew what'd happen there. I wanted like t

way over-wherever he was I didn't want to be. No one town c

1

. The General finally decided that our c

d been decided upon and that a new drive

sent at the moment to pipe up, "Has

he's just out of the infirmary and is with a Casu

he is a fit-" C

Sergeant, make out a request for his transfer and speak to the personnel office

harge of that line of stuff-I mean, of personnel and trans

I could almost kiss the big galoot myself-but unfortunately kissing wasn't in the manual