Confessions of a Young Lady

m not quite. I wish I could--conscientiously--say that I was. But I cannot. I am aware that when a girl

I had better co

ntific fact that a Jack-of-all-trades is master of none. Therefore it seems to me to follow as a matter of course that because I can do the things which I can do, I cannot do the things which I cannot do. Nothin

nding he and I had come to; that she would very much like to know her dear son's future wife; so would I spend a few days with her in her cottage on the Thames, I was delighted. There was a note from eac

ion that I had let myself in for something which might turn out to be, I didn't quite know what. Directly I got there--or very nearly directly--certainly within half an hour of my arrival, I

went without him. And, on the whole, I think I bore up very well. Especially considering that, just as the train was starting from Paddington, a woman got into my carriage with two dogs, a parrot in a huge cage, bundles of golf clubs, hockey clubs, tennis rackets, fishing rods, and goodness only know

tting to the station before the train is rea

g to be bustled--had been there a good twenty minutes before it started, so--although she might not ha

black animal with curly hair, she took out of the pocket of the capacious coat which she was wearing. Directly she placed it on the floor of the carriage it flew at me, as if filled with a frenzied desire to tear me to pieces. While it was doing its best to bark itself

" remarked the mistress of

understand what she expected I was going to do. When the black dog got the hem of my

our dog will t

nly her fun; she

he smallest effort to control it!--its own quaint devices, she was serenely attaching a new tip to a billiard cue which she had taken out of a meta

sticks; and I like my tip to be just so. If yo

hands; and, without a with-your-leave, or by-your-leave, but with the most take-it-for-granted air imaginable, prepared for slumber. Perceiving which, the short-legged dog descending, in its turn, to the floor of the carriage, began to prowl round and round me, sniffing at my s

a fool!"

so unexpected, and was uttered with so much clearness--and was such an extremely uncivil thing t

cent talker; and that'

dvice was repeated at intervals of certainly less than two minutes. And as the creature kept its eyes fixed intently on me, there was a su

gan showering welcomes on my companion and her creatures with a degree

o, Stumps!"--this was to the short-legged dog. "Hollo, Lord Chesterfield!"--this was

be a

he removal of some of the impedimenta to e

. This is Miss Patricia Reeves-- commonly known as Pat. Great luck your coming down togeth

I ever should be intimate, as I understood intimacy. Still worse, I was

ussion as to what was to happen. Since the phaeton would hold at most three, somebody would have to walk. Miss Reeves insisted on being the someone; she and Bertha immediately set off at what struck me as being a

omehow, the discovery that she was bound for the same destination as I was; and was--plainly--an old and intimate friend, jarred. I do not believe that I am hard to get on with; no one has ever given me any reason to sup

or the other--with a Mrs Chuckit--I am sure of the name, because it was such an odd one--in which, it seemed, she had met with an unparalleled series of disasters. From what I could gather she had been "stymied" and "bunkered" and "up" and "down" and "holed" and "foozled" and "skied" and "approached" and "driven," and all sorts of dreadful things. At least, I believe they were dreadful things; and, indeed, from the emphatic way in which she spoke of them, I am convinced they were. One thing of which she told me I am sure must have been painful. She said that she got into a hedge--a "beast of a hedge" she called it; though how, or why, she got into it she did not explain; and that no sooner did she get out of it--"which took some doing"--so it shows it must have been painful--than back she went--"bang into the middle" of it again--which seemed such a singular thin

cold shivers up and down my back. What cleeks had I got? w

es somehow, until she put

uch with a b

I had no idea what anyone could do. In fact, until that second I had not been aware that spoons were ever made of brass. And, anyhow, what part spoons of any kind played in the ga

do about as much

my own mind as I should have liked to have been as to what was the impression which

it affected me with something like a shock; she was his replica in petticoats. In his clothes she might easily have passed as his elder br

f you, and you're r

incurable. But the second I ca

ort of feeling she was nice. As I looked at her I understood how it was that she had two such athletic daughters. Philip had never struck me as being parti

tatic. Without an unusual degree of exertion I could have cr

their own; dogs and birds galore. Among the latter was one which I afterwards learnt was a jay. It made the most ridiculous noises, so th

be a

o channels which I would much rather

he first water. What'll you do?" I did not know what a "sing-song" was. Bertha explained. "A sing-song? Oh, a kind of a sort of a concert--informal, free-and-easy, d

I don't play

uld make a row on the banjo. Can't you pla

aid I do

? Then what

ions"; this wa

. "I'm going to recite: at least, I'm going

call that

ke any differen

eople had a candid way of addressing each oth

at shall I put you down for

don't know w

skirt-twirl, or a f

e, all by myself, in fron

Everybody doe

ot, tha

hat can

o parlour

--w

o parlour

ething which it would perhaps have been better left unsaid. They all exchanged glances in that exasperating way which some people have when they wish to telegraph to each other something

e 'parlour tricks' in the opprobrious sense which you seem to suggest. I have always myself tried to acquire a smattering of as many of what, I fancied, were the minor accomplishments, as I could; and I have always endeavoured,

by Philip's mother! I fancy that I blushed in a perfectly preposterous manner, and I know that

never have been among clever people, and I'm

ut Philip himself is a past-master of all sorts of pa

to me that therefore his relations, and even his acquaintances, were all-round experts also. And I was not by any means sure that I appreciated the fact now--if it was a fact. It was not pleasant to feel that in what were here plainly regarded as essen

rgaret to sympathy. Anyhow she all at once jumped up and, I have no doubt with the best wi

have some tennis. Run upst

es? Wha

ur tenni

'm afraid I haven't br

s shoes? But, of cours

appened, I did play tennis, at least, after a fashion. We had what was called a tennis lawn at home, the condition of which may be

haven't brought any partic

. Margaret could not have seemed more s

y, they've

went a good

r girl," such impertinence!--"sane people don't wear those ro

lless, thick-soled monstrosities, into which nothing woul

in my stockings. I don't believe that mine are royal, or any other, roads to defo

struggle. She was no relative of Philip's. But she might just as well

u mayn't be conscious of it; and you won't be till you try others. Then you'll find out, and you'll be sorry that you didn't find out before. I want t

oed her moth

oes which were facsimiles of those worn by Miss Reeves. They

then you'll tell yourself what a goose you were not to have gone in for the

ven dare to try. If I could not wear--witho

of my countenance, that she had gone a little too far;

ou have on, and I'll tell Jackson to giv

ed out of playing. But my back was a wee bit up, and I was a little off my balance,

ommencing to regard Miss Reeves as if she were covered with prickles. Besides which, considering what I imagined I had come there for, and the position which I was shortly to occupy in the family, it did seem to me that they

ave a very bad par

. "I expect you're one of those dark horses

was make an idiot of myself. Bertha served first; my partner suggested I should take her service. I took it, or rather, I didn't take it. She sent the balls so fast tha

I murmured, when Be

to find

t I could have hit her with my racket. When it c

p to the net and k

all her life but play lawn-tennis. She was all over the place at once. I was only in her way, and she treated me as if I was only in her way. I had to dodge when I saw her coming, or she would have

our game,

d I am," I

unless I was mistaken, meant temper. And she was such a very stalwart person that I had

singles; I should like to

some--some

e say to

not have said to-morrow for a good

ha. Molly and

d to read disapprobation of the exhibition of incompetence which I had given. Moreover, when she did speak, her remarks took the form of criticisms of the play, approving this stroke, condemning that, with a degree of severity which made me

as not much more palatable to me than

ping-pong,

e, that games were in the air. "Wouldn't you rather sit h

play anything than play myself. B

s not a game one can take really in earnest; but there's a tournament in the schoolroo

give me a chance to refuse

se you d

t I'm quite sure that I

erest children even. I maintain that

e would soon discover that I

sn't matter. We've got about thirty different k

On a table at one side were enough bats to stock a

or I err. I thought the serves had come in with disgusting swiftness at lawn-tennis--they were nothing compared to her serves at ping-pong. That wretched little celluloid ball whizzed over the net like lightning, and then, as I struck at it blindly, expecting it to come straight towards me, like a Chr

me in succession, she had smashed my service nearly up to th

r. Resting her bat on the edge of the boar

favourite ga

ion made me blush, so far, that

I haven't a favourite game. Indee

s if my admission grieved her. "That is unfortunate. W

en the occasion to her of actual pa

ld not say exactly what I had expected, but I certainly had not expected this. Philip had always made such a fuss of me, that, I fear, I had taken it for granted that, under the circumstances, his people would make a fuss of me too. Instead

t properly appreciated the paramount importance of tennis, and ping-pong, and golf, and all the other, to my mind, somewhat exasperating exercises which came under the generic heading of "games." As I proceeded with my toilette, and surveyed the result in the mirror, my spirit became calmer. At least they none of them looked better than I did. I mig

the drawing-room; Miss Reeves actually was so nice that she took m

thing's sure and certain--you'll be the beauty of the family. We shall have to show you

I were a man, you're just the sort of girl I'd like

and on the lips--there and then. It was most bewildering. I had not looked for that

look, my dear, that boy of mine

It filled me with a delightful glow--made me ev

ike to make

so. It was really a most peculiar position for a person to be

er Mrs San

his occasion, the chief exponents of parlour tricks, and responsible for all the o

beginning to get used to their ways: I laughed too. A little while before I should have objected to being again

ady and in order; so that you will have fift

ld get into the punt, and dawdle about upon the river till it was time to join them. The idea commended itself to me; although I was rega

ts all alone by themselves. The workmanlike manner in which Bertha and Margaret had rowed off with their mother had filled me with amazement,--they had gone off with nothing on their heads, or shoulders, or even their hands. They had a heap of wraps in the bottom of the boat; but it had not seemed to occ

of Miss Reeves, who showed symptoms of a desi

be hot all through the nig

't feel ch

e other boats in a way which she was qui

e river. It's the mode to do--and to dress--exactly as one pleases. In summer, on the upper reaches of the Thames, one is in Liberty Hall. Step int

po

me quiz

t you don't know w

I, when I never saw a p

with the stream, and the right companion, on a summer evening, is the poetry of li

e it moved smoothly over those glittering waters, under that cloudless sky, was delicious. And the ease with which she

, "how do you lik

oking at you. It shows off your figure splendidly." She

isn't. You only have to put it in, and tak

opinion that it was not so very hard. And I resolved that, when Philip came, and he was there to teach me, and to take a

did suit men. The "parlour tricks" were excellent; I became more and more ashamed of myself for having spoken of them as parlour tricks. Bertha and Margaret and Mrs Sanford were splendid. I believe that the people would have liked them to have kept on doing things

ings. Although it was pretty late there was a full moon in an unclouded sky, so that it was almost as light as day.

ing," I e

," said Margaret.

ts about us; people were making laughing remarks about our being in the way; the pole was lying in the punt: Miss Reeves had handled it as if it were a feather. Here was an ea

he bottom. Had I not hung on to it with sudden desperation it would all of it have gone. I wished it had! For while I clung to it I all at once perceived that, in some mysterious way, the boat was running away from underneath me. It was the most extraordinary sensation I had ever experienced, an

ew that not a creature there sympathised with me truly. All round me people were laughing outright--at me--as if it were quite a joke. I could not see where the joke came in. Although Mrs

the same, I slept like a top. I seemed to have only been asleep a

there?"

p?" returned M

e had roused me from the

child! It's a perfec

-for a swim?--B

her strong arms underneath my shoulders, raising me from the pillow. "I don't b

then dropped me; scurried back ac

eve, I turned over an

out for hours. There was a letter from Philip lying on my plat

him," suggested Mrs S

but I did not mi

ornfully. "Why, I've driven

Anyhow, if you can drive you mi

station my heart jumped into my mouth; especially when he took his ha

lieve a word of it; which seems, from one point of view, to have been a trifle rude. And he said that, as for my not being able to do things, he

does teach me how to do some things.

almost perfectly happy. And, after all, that is something. Pa