My Discovery of England

places, under all sorts of circumstances and before all sorts of audiences. I say this, not in boastfulness, but in so

a conjurer about him, and they think him happy. After about ten minutes of his talk they are tired of him. Most people tire of a lecture in ten minutes; clever people can do it in five. Sensible people never

belonging to the level of a circus clown. The image of "laughter shaking both his sides" is the truer picture of comedy. Therefore, I say, I always try to appear cheerful at my lectures and even to laugh at my own jokes. Oddly enough this arouses a kind of resentment in some of the audience. "Well, I will say," said a stern-looking

the very outset is the fact that the audience won't come to hear him. This happens

r me I have calculated that they paid thirteen cents each. And my lectures are evidently worth thirteen cents. But at home in Canada I have very often tried the fatal experiment of lecturing for nothing:

ist of other members who won't come to the meetings. For such an association, the invited speaker who is to lecture for nothing prepares his lecture on "Indo-Germanic Factors in the Current of History." If he is a professor, he takes all the winter at it. You may drop in at his ho

ndred." To this group he reads his paper on the Indo-Germanic Factor. It takes him two hours. When he is over the chairman invites discussion.

eat in the delightful paper that we have listened to. I want to assure the lecturer that if he comes to the Owl's Club again we can guarantee him next t

so many names that I recognise it at once. I am aware that its members refuse to turn out in cold weather; that they do not turn out in wet weather; that when the

them like bats. It is one of the compensations of age that I am free of the Owl's Club forever. But in the days when I still had to address them, I used to take it out of the Owls

or what a deist is. Never mind. It is over now, and I am glad. But just let me say this, only this, which won't keep you a minute. Your chairman has been good enough to say that if I come again you will get together a

of that gloomy gentleman-facetiously referred to in the newspaper reports as the "genial chairman"-to put the lecturer to the bad. In ni

, failed to read it and put the card back in his pocket)-"a gentleman who is to lecture to us on" (here he looked at his card again)-"on Ancient Ancient,-I don't very well see what it is-Ancient-Britain? Thank you, on Ancient Britain. Now, this is t

it down," the chairman added, "I'd like to say that I am sorry to see such a poor turn-out to-night and to as

before an audience on any terms, judge how it feels t

for grand occasions when the speaker has been invited to come under very special auspices. It was my fate, not long ago, to "appear" (this is the correct word to use in this connection) in this capacity when I was going about Canada tryi

h meetings as these to try and put a special distincti

ause). The chairman puts up his hand for silence, picks up another telegram and continues, "Our committee, ladies and gentlemen, telegraphed an invitation to Sir Wilfrid Laurier very cordially inviting him to be here to-night. I have here Sir Wilfrid's answer in which he says that he will not be able to be with us" (renewed applause). The chairman again puts up his hand for silence and goes on, picking up one paper after another. "The Minister of Finance regrets that he will be unable to come" (applause). "Mr. Rod

s supposed to give readings from my works, and my books are supposed to be of a humorous character. A church hardly seemed the right place to get funny in. I explained my difficulty to the pastor of the church,

g desk and a big bible and a shaded light beside it. It was a big church, and the audience, sitting in half darkness, as is cust

ut, just as much as ever you want to, because" (and here his voice assumed the deep sepulchral tones of the preacher),-"when we think of the

audience, even with the plenary absolution in

iced on this occasion that he introduced me very guardedly by name (from a little card) and said nothing about the Belgians, and nothing about my being (supposed to be) a humourist. This last was a great error. The audience, for want of guidance, remained very silent and d

re that we have all been immensely amused (ha! ha!). He is giving his delightful talks (ha! ha!)-though I didn't know this till just this minute-for the Belgian Relief Fund, and he is giving his services for nothing. I am sure when we realise this, we shall all feel that it has been well worth while to come. I am only sorry

I cannot help but feel that I have acquired a fine taste in chair men. I know them just as other experts know old furniture and Pekinese dogs. The witty chairm

ow, ladies and gentlemen, you have not come here to listen to me. So I will be very brief; in fact, I will confine my remarks to just one or two very short observations." He th

ing with a very imperfect knowledge of who or what the

world to-day. He comes to us from; from a great distance and I can assure him that it is a great pleasure to this

ade at the eleventh hour. Just such a chairman it was my fate to strike in the form of a local alderman, built like an ox, i

r his book last night. I didn't read it all but I took a look at the preface and I can assure him that he is very welcome. I understand he comes fro

answered equ

rd of McGill myself but I can assure him he's welcome. He's g

orous lectu

treat. I'm only sorry I can't stay for it myself as I have to get back over to the Town Hall for a

happening and who comes on to the platform with a face imprinted with distress. Before introducing the lecturer

ut this hall to-night," he began in a doleful whine, "I see many empty seats." Here he stifled a sob

y gathered that some particular sorrow

ained we should come out here to listen to a humorous lecture,-", "What's

-he whispered back-"h

w o

our," he

n, with deep sobs in

me I began to feel like a criminal. "The case would have been different had the lecture been one that contained information, or that was inspired by some serious purpose, or

ence, deeply moved, all looked at me as at a man who went around the co

lves presently, that Mr. Leacock's lecture is not of a character which,-has n

ed and choke

e has noted that somehow his strength was failing, that, for some reason or other, he was no longer what he had been. Last month he began to droop. Las

were now ne

isible effort towards

at the war has taught us all that it is always our duty to 'carry on,' no matter how hard it may be, no matter with what reluctance we do it, and wh

ure, the title of which I have forgotten, but I understand it to be the s

nial and pleasing person who introduced me,

em possible that he could make any kind of a mistake. I though

here tonight our distinguished Canadian fellow citizen, Mr. Learoyd"-he turned half way towards me as he spoke with a sort

his books to know him already as an old friend. In fact I think I do not exaggerate when I tell Mr. Learoyd that his name in our

with a few words of rapid, genial apology buzzed off, like a humming bird, to other avocations. But I have amply forgiven him: anything for kindness and geniality; it ma

s office. There is, for example, a type of man who thinks that the fitting way to introduce a lecturer is to say a few words about the

But it is the paid lecturer sitting on the plat

with their fees. I am aware that these are hard times and it is difficult to collect money but at the same time the members ought to remember that the expenses of the society are very

He can see the members who have not yet paid their an

to our society. But fortunately through the personal generosity of two of our members who

ich the lecturer sit

iment of the "

rom the comfort of one's own fireside and come and listen to a lecture. But I think that the members should look at it not as a matter of personal comfort but as a matter of duty towards this society. We have managed to keep this society alive for fifteen years and, though I don't say it in any spirit of boasting, it has not been an easy thing to do. It has required a good deal of pretty hard spade work by the committee. Well, l

s knows that that introduction is far

fact. This is especially true in the case of a Canadian like myself. The chairman feels that the moment is fitting for one of those great imper

hat was used against me by a clerical chair

r community to help build up that country. We sent out our labourers, we sent out our scholars and professors

nd they are as polite as they are literal. They understood that I was a

s worst he is far better than having no chairman at all. Over in England a great many societies and public bodies have adopted the plan o

edition isn't in it with it. I found also the further difficulty that in the absence of the chairman very often the audience, or a large part of it, doesn't know who the lecturer is. On many occasions I received on appearing a wild burst of applause under the impression

an had collapsed sideways on to the floor; a little group of men gathered about him; they lifted him up and I could see them carrying him out, a silent and inert mass. As in duty bound I went right on with my lecture. But my heart beat high with satisfaction. I was sure that I had killed him. The reader may judge how high these hopes rose when a moment or two later a note was handed to the chairman who then asked me to pause for a moment in my lecture and stood up and asked, "Is there a doctor in the audience?" A doctor rose and silently went out.

regret to sa

of enquiry (I did it in reality so as to have a proper proof of his death) and received the answer, "