Stories of Comedy

YSICS AND

s to the fire, and score my sum in Dives's denominations ov the double rule o' three, or play fox and geese wid purty Jane Cruise that sat next me, as plisantly as the day was long, widout any one

lecthiring, and tuthoring as they do get on wid! I wisht to gracious the one half ov their rules and regilations was sunk in the say. And they're getting so sthrict to

ily done widout these hard times, I'd see if I couldn't get a sheltered spot nigh hand the chapel, and set up again on the good ould principle: and f

wid a pint ov sweet milk in a skillet, and the bulk ov her fist ov butther, along wid a dust ov soft sugar in a saucer, and I'll show you t

gredients, and they were br

Send up the housekeeper," says he, "for a faymale hand is ondispinsably necessary to produce the adaption of the partic

and by up there comes an ould faggot ov a Cuillean

ooseberries in the panthry as I came up: she has eyes as black as a sloe," says he, "and cheeks like the rose in June; and sorra taste ov th

very unproper ov you to spake that way o

ss," says his Riv'rence, l

nsinivations; I don't care who sees my whole household," says he; "I don't care if

em," says his Riv'rence. "You're afeard, now, if I was to

p she came, stepping like a three-year-old, and blushing like the brake o' day: for though her apron was thrown over her head as she came forrid, till you could barely see the tip ov her chin,-more be token there was a lov

e way you'll know that will be by stirring it onc't or twice wid the little finger ov your right hand, afore you put in the

" says the Pope, mighty stern. "Stir the posset as he b

oper; I hope I'm uncapable ov any sich dirilection of my duty," says he. "But, marciful Saver!" he cr

Miss Eliza; but, upon my conscience, I believe it was a mere mistake that his Holiness fell into on account of his being an ould man and not having aither his eyesight or his hearing very parfect. At any rate, it can't be denied but that he had a sthrong imprission that sich was the case; for he wheeled about as quick as thought, jist as his Riv'rence w

what would your Holiness be at, at al

inses?" says the Pope; "would you have me dou

e, "if they pretend to have informed y

za as plain as I see the nose on your face; I heard the

and isn't to be depended upon at all. If we were to follow them blind guides we might jist as well turn heretics at onc't. 'Pon my secret word, your Holiness, it's neither charitable nor orthodox ov you to set up the testimony ov your eyes and ears agin the characther ov a clergyman. And now, see how aisy it is to

says the Pope; "here's the cork in t

ecause it's only its real prisince that's in it. But that appearance that you call a cork," says he, "is nothing but the outward spacies and external qualities of the cortical nathur. Them's nothing but the accidents of the cork that you're lo

y ov the cork and these cortical accidents; and that it's quite possible, as you allidge, that the thrue cork is really prisint on the end ov the shcrew, while the accidents keep the mouth ov the bottle stopped-st

Riv'rence, "is that it was

e, "the kiss you g

iv'rence, "but t

ubt you," s

rew with less noise,

g to be less nor nothing, bar

glass ov whiskey is less nor that tumbler ov punch, and

al misure or by the liquid

, this glass ov whiskey is less nor nothing; and for that raison I see no harm in

goes to make the rule good," says he, filling his tumbler wid the blessed stuff, and sitting do

'll account for the increased daycrement I mane to take the liberty of producing

's the best stuff I ever tasted; you call

s his Riv'rence, "we'll have the less deffe

ys the Pope. "Faix, I'm afeared," says he, "it's

v surds here in the bottle; for I tell you it will take us a lo

lessed quart an irrational

r one and too little for

fficient, and we'll

exponent then,"

hat?" say

be sure," says

r?" says

cork," says

rk's dhrew,"

nt ov the accidents that's stuck in the

ays the Pope, "and that makes me suspect tha

o that's in it, and the reality's passed out through the cortical spacies, as you say; for, you may have observed, we've both been in re

've got the reality, there's no use th

e accidental qualities ov good liquor to hunt the sinsible thirst out ov him." So he dhraws the cork in earnest, and sets about brewing the other skillet ov scaltheen;

nd we'll see what's the news afore we finish th