Stories of Comedy

DE A C

oord into shivers undher your feet! Sure, and isn't it a proud day for Ireland, this blessed feast ov the chair ov Saint Pether? Isn't Carlisle and Whateley smashed to pieces, and their whole college

heir g'ographies and Bibles," he used to say; "where's the use ov perplexing the poor childre wid

l hould our lodges every Saturday night, as we used to do, wid our chairman behind the masther's

ey're books that'll be in great requist in Leithrim as soon as the pasthoral gets wind. Glory be to

y whether a sod or two o' turf can't consume a cart-load ov heresy, and w

my story about poor Father Tom that I hear is coming u

the Pope was as envious as ever he could be, at seeing himself sacked right and left by Father Tom; and bate out o' the face, the way he was, on every science and

g to run agin any man's, ay, or to match them agin any other dogs

hat I've a quadhruped in my possession that

iv'rence, and they

quadhruped o' yours do

and clover off the meadows o' Paradise, sorra taste ov aither she'd let pas

that, instead ov fasting till first mass is over only, fasts out the whole four-and

sther Maguire,

thinking it was an evil spirit come to fly away wid him for the lie that he had told in regard ov his mule (for it was nothing more nor a thrick that consisted in grazing the brute's teeth): but, seeing it was only one ov the greatest beauties ov a greyhound that he'd ever laid his epistolical eyes on, he soon recovered ov his fright, and began to pat him, while Father Tom ris and went to the sideboord, where he cut a slice ov pork, a slice ov beef, a slice ov mutton, and a slice ov salmon, and put them all on a plate thegither.

an acrass the road; so I gev the whilloo, and knowing that she'd take the rise of the hill, I made over the ditch, and up through Mullaghcashel as hard as I could pelt, still keeping her in view, but afore I had gone a perch, Spring seen her, and away the two went like the wind, up Drumrewy, and down Clooneen, and over the river, widout his being able onc't to turn her. Well, I run on till I come to the Diffagher, and through it I went, for the wather was low and I didn't mind being wet shod, and out on the other side, where I got up on a ditch, and seen sich a coorse as I'll be bound to say was never seen afore or since. If Spring

t the clock half an hour back, out ov compliment to your Riv'rence

note in his pocket-book. "Only," says he, "it's hardly fair to expec

'm afeard the shabby way he was thrated had some effect in putting it into his mind to do w

"but I haven't the least objecti

ence, "it'll relish the dhrink, that 'ud be too l

laste sign ov a hiccup on him, "ov gettin

o manner ov harm at this present time; but a smoke,"

cay is it that's in

ence, "a very mild and salubrious

Tom held the coal himself till his Holiness had the pipe lit; and th

iccup," says he. "Dhrink about," says he-"Begorra," he says, "I think I'm

ining in the choruses, when his hiccup 'ud let him. At last, my dear, he opens the lower button ov his waistcoat, and the top one of his wa

asthry that you ate at dinner hasn't d

ting out over his forehead, and the palms ov his hands spread out to cotch the air. "O my! O my!" says he, "fetch m

says he, "and clap a wet cloth over his timples. If you could only thry ano

lsch!-ach!-ach!-He dined wid Cardinal Wayld yestherday," says he, "and he's bribed him to take me off. Send for a c

ouble in making the evening agreeable to the ould man, he called Spring, and put the but-end ov the second bottle into his pocket, and left th

when all's done, it's a shame, so it is, that he's not a bishop this blessed day and hour: for, ne

DARBY

LIAM H

rge Fox, who preached there and converted them, Johnny also was a Quaker. That is, he was, as many others were, and no doubt are, habitually a Quaker. He was a Quaker in dress, in language, in attendance of their meetings, and, above all, in the unmitigated contempt which he felt and expressed for everything like

g-headed, arbitrary, positive, pugnacious fellow. He would argue anybody out of their opinions by the hour; he would "threep them down," as he called it, that is, point blank and with a loud voice insist on his own possession of the right, and of the sound common-sense of the matter; and if he could not convince them, would at least confound them with his obstreperous din and violence of action. That was what he called clearing the field,

ive, monthly, quarterly, and sometimes yearly meetings too, all his life? Had not he regularly and handsomely subscribed to the monthly, and the national, and the Ackworth School Stocks? Had he not been on all sorts of appointments; to visit new members, new comers into the meeting; to warn disorderly walkers; nay, had he no

Fox one, did they think; or Willia

within hearing of any bell, or any other thing that could guide him, he would sit on the front seat of his meeting where not a word was spoken, exactly for an hour and three quarters to a minute, and then break it up by shaking hands with the Friend who sate next to him. Was not that an evidence of a religious tact and practice? And had not the Frien

sleeper? Was not this Friend very ill, and didn't Johnny go to see him; and didn't he, when the Friend complained that he could get no sleep, and that not all the physic, the strongest opium even of the doctor's shop, could make him,-didn't Johnny Darbyshire say right slap-bang out,

e was a book big enough for you, he should think. For himself, like most of his cloth, he would confine himself to his feelings. He would employ a variety of choice and unique phrases; such as, "If a man want to know what religion is, he must not go running after parsons, and bishops, and all that sort of man-made ministers, blind leaders of the blind, who can talk by the hour, but about what neither man, woman, nor child, for the life of them, can tell, except when they come for their tithes, or their Easter dues, and then they speak plain enough with a vengeance. One of these Common-Prayer priests," said he, "once came to advise me about the lawfulness of paying Church-rates, and,

hing"; "feeling himself dipped into deep baptism"; "feeling a sense of duty"; and of "seeing, or not seeing his way clear" into this or that matter. But his master phrase was "living near to the truth"; and often, when other people thought him particularly provoking a

e the remnant in a draper's shop, a very old-fashioned one-continued still to keep up their meetings, and carry on their affairs as steadily and gravely as Fox and his contemporaries did, if not so extensively and successfully. They had a meeting at Codnor Breach, at Monny-Ash in the Peak, at Pentridge, at Toad-hole Furnace, at Chesterfield, etc. Most of these places were thoroughly country places, some of them standing nearly alone in the distant fields; and the few members belonging to them might be seen on Sundays

ere! In answering the query, whether their meetings were pretty regularly kept up and attended, though perhaps there was but half a dozen members to one meeting, yet would it be weighed and weighed again whether the phrase should be, that it was "pretty well attended," or "indifferently attended," or "attended, with some exceptions." This stupendous business having, however, at length been got through, then all the men adjourned to the room where the women had, for the time, been just as laboriously and gravely engaged; and a table was soon spread by a person agreed with, with a good substantial dinner of roast-beef and plum-pudding; and the good people grew righ

eatures, wrapped in great-coats and thick cloaks, and defended with oil-skin hoods, travel all their lives long? Not a soul was more punctual in attendance than

he had to pass through a toll-bar; and being on Sundays exempt by law from paying at it, it may be supposed that the bar-keeper did not fling open the gate often with the best grace. One Sunday evening, however, Johnny Darbyshire had, from some cause or other, stayed lat

aid Johnny, pulling out his watc

keeper, gruffly, "it is past t

e its master, it is a little too hasty. I assure thee my watch is righ

ily, "I've nothing to do with your wat

u art too exact wi

keeper; "you go through often enoug

ohnny; "there is the money: and it's r

be s

next twenty-four hours I can g

; everybody

aving at last extorted a double toll from the shrewd Quaker, went to bed, not on that quiet road expecting further di

on his things and descended to open the gate, wh

eally is past t

be s

: I have occasion t

he was not so sure of exemption from interruption, for he expected the Quaker would in a while be coming back homewards again. And he was quit

s past twelv

runted th

, advise thee to go to bed to-night, for it is so particularly fin

drift, exclaimed, "Here, for God's sake, sir, tak

after twelve, then the money is justly thine; but I advise th

d to this, and was therefore anxious to attend their meetings, and see what it was. How great, however, was his astonishment, on accompanying Johnny, to find about half a dozen peop

your shoe-toes? By Leddy! this warn't th' way George Fox went on. He was a very talking man, or he would na ha' got such a heap of folks toget

ore, not only cast his eye on one of the most high-spirited women that he knew in his own society, but actually one on the largest scale of physical dimensions. If he had one hero of his admiration more than another, it was a little dwarf at Mansfield, who used to wear a soldie

as he was alone in the company of the lady, by name Lizzy Lorimer,-"Lizzy," said he, "

n't that extraordinary? I was ju

g woman, and though he could pluck up courage enough to go and see her, he couldn't summon courage enough to speak out his mind when he got there; and so he and the damsel sate opposite one another before the fire. She knew well enough all the while-you're sharp enough, you women-what he was after; and there they sate and sate, and at la

whole cargo of Mercury's wings, and put them on their feet. It was the same in parish affairs; and the fame of Johnny's eloquence at vestries is loud to this day. On one occasion there was a most hot debate on the voting of a church-rate, which should embrace a new pulpit. Johnny had hurt his foot with a stub of wood as he was hurrying on his men at work in thinning a plantation. It had festered and inflamed his leg to a terrible si

wd wise men o' Gotham did, and that's a cuckoo. I've heard just one sensible word, and that was to recommend a cast-iron pulpit, in preference to a wooden 'un. As to a church-rate to repair th' owd steeple-house, why, my advice is to pull th' owd thing down, stick and stone, and mend your roads with it. It's a ca

, in high resentment, "that is very unciv

an old sheep as for a lamb,-we'll not make two mouthfuls of a cherry; my advice is then to have a cast-iron pulpit, by all means, and while you are about it, a cast-iron p

ration of the clergyman, Johnny ordered himself to be again hoisted into his cart, and rode home in great glory, boasting th

f. Once, on the occasion of the funeral of an old neighbor, which, for a wonder, he attended, he

do so only out of respect to his old neighbor. With looks of great wrath he seated himself at a good distance from the clergyman; and as this gentleman was proceeding, in none of the

h as if he did not clearly perceive who it was. "Who is that who

Johnny, and begged t

"I'll sit i' th' porch. I'd much rather. What's the use sitting he

ut to proceed from the church to the grave, said, "Mr. Darbyshire, what have you done? You'll as surely be put

on I've affronted thee with bidding thee speak up. But thou should speak up, man; thou should speak up, or what art perched up aloft the

r what

"that will not do, I assure you. I cannot pass over such con

y pardon, haven't I? and if that wu

-everybody, they said, knew Johnny, and if he called him into the spiritual court, he would be just as bold and saucy, and might raise a good deal of public scandal. The clergyman, who, unfor

on like the flying clouds of March; and at fair and market, at meeting and vestry, he had his fling and his banter at the expense of his neighbors, as if the world was all his own, and would

valuable blood mare to run a few months with her foal. He had stipulated that the greatest care should be taken of both mare and foal, and that no one, on any pretence whatever, should mount t

than the gentleman intended. To his great astonishment, it was not long before he one day saw Johnny Dar

en with me. T' other day I'd a son drowned, as fine a lad as ever walked in shoe-leather; and in hurrying to th' doctor, how should luck have it, but down comes th' mare with her foot in a hole, breaks her leg, and was obligated

s drowned son, in the exasperation of his own loss,-"but what business had you riding to the doctor, or the devi

ater on the gentleman's fire. It was in vain that Johnny tried the pathetic of the drowning boy; it was lost on the man who had lost his favorite mar

ed to call himself. An action was commenced against him, of which he took not the slightest notice till it came into court. These lawyers, he said, were dear chaps, he'd have nothing to do with

byshire, but there was no reply; and learned gentlemen looked at one another, and all shook their learned wigs; and the judge was about to declare that the cause was forfeited by the defendant, John Darbyshire, by non-appearance at the place of trial, when there was seen a bustle near the box of the clerk of the court; there was a hasty plucking off of a large hat, which somebody had apparently walked into court with on; and the mom

ho, on their part, did not fail to return his survey with a stare of mixed wonder and amazement. You could see it a

t the judge, and sent them rapidly thence to the jury-box,

at is he doing there, or why does he appear at all,

chaps i' their wigs and gowns, with their long, dangling sleeves; and I dunna yet mean to have anything to do wi' 'em. But I just heard one of 'em tell thee, that this cause was not going to be defended; and th

he judge, "defendant in this case, you had

early and late, in heat and cold, for my bit o' money, and long enough too, before these smart chaps had left their mother's apron-strings; and let them catch a coin of it, if they can. No! I know this case better than any other man can, and for why? Because I was in it. It was me that had the mare to summer; it was me that rode her to the doctor; I was in at th' b

ce evidence?" inquired the

oes the chap mean? Evidence? why,

t in the court, and at the bar, i

me; for, as I tell you, I did i

e means to plead his own cause, and to include in it his evi

rsing and swearing, and such like wickedness. He left that to th' ragamuffins and rapscal

tion, if he be a member o

se, Lord Judge. Ay, I'm

re took his affirmation,

ny Darbyshire's not the man that ever did a thing and then denied it. Can any of these chaps i' th' wigs say as much? Ay, now I reckon," added he, shaking his head archly at the gentlemen of the bar, "now I reckon you'd like, a good

, on all sides, w

re for. It's to keep your consciences clear of a few more additional lies. O dear! I'm quite grie

njoy the satire of Johnny Darbyshire; and still

re, I advise you to leave the counsel for t

exclaimed Johnny

hat does he mean?-I don't understand him

ng counsel, "that he shall neve

confidentially towards the jury-box, where he saw som

romised him that I would do my best, that nobody should ride her. I told him that I would use her just as if she was my own,-and I meant it. I meant to do the handsome by her and her master too; for I needn't tell you that I'm too fond of a bit of good blood to see it willingly come to any harm. Nay, nay, that never was the way of Johnny Darbyshire. And there she was, the pretty creat

that went through me like a baggonet. Down I flings th' scythe. 'That's Lizzy, and no other!' I shouted to myself. 'She's out of bed,-and, goodness! what can it be? She's ten to one gone mad with a brain fever!' There seemed to have fallen ten thousand millstones on my heart. I tried to run, but I couldn't. I was as cold as ice. I was as fast ro

'Lizzy! Lizzy! back! b

ith staring eyes and ghastly face down in

she means to fling herself in'-groaning as I ran, and tryi

he bed, and screamed amain for the nurse, for the maid, but not a soul came. I rubbed Lizzy's hands; clapped them; tried her smelling-bottle. At leng

laimed. 'She's gone only too

s my dear Sam? Thou d

?' I cried. 'What

he was drowning i

rse had been suddenly obliged to run off to the doctor's for some physic; Lizzy had promised to lie still till I came in, and in the mean time-this happens. When I understood her I flew down stairs, and towards the part of the river she had pointed to. I gazed here and there, and at length caught sight of the poor boy's coat floating, and with a rake I caught hold of it, and dragged him to land. But it was too late! Frantic, however, as I was, I flew down t

s no time to think; I could only feel, and I could do that running. I sprang over the hedge. I was across the fields, and at the doctor's; ay, long before I could find breath to tell him what was am

as if he were going to give up the ghost. The court was extremely moved: there was a deep silence, and there were heard s

ass of water was handed to him,-he wiped his forehead with his handkerchief several

seemed to require all his physical force to send it from the bottom of his chest. "My wife was for weeks worse than dead, and never has been, and never wil

hand, would you have weighed anything but her speed against a wife and-a child?-No, had she been my own, I should have taken her, a

jury were seen dashing some drops from their eyes. They appeared to look up to the judge as if they were ready to give in at

omething less than a good lawyer if I did not again revert confidently to those facts which were in the possession of my witnesses now waiting to be heard. Had this been the only instance in which the defendant had broken his engagement, and mounted this mare, I should in my own mind have flung off all hope of a verdict from you. God and nature would have been too strong for me in your hearts; but, fortunately for my client, it is not so. I will show you on the most unquestionable evidence that it was not the first nor the second time that Mr. Darbyshire had mounted this prohibited but tempting steed. He had been seen, as one of the witnesses expresses it, 'frisking about' on this

ere. As he had said, "he had left it wi' 'em," and was gone. The weight of evi

e had done of the action. An execution was issued against his goods; but when it was served, it was found that he had no goods. A brother stepp

writ, and found him sitting at his luncheon alone. It was a fine summer's day,-everybody was out in the fields at the hay. Door and window stood open, and Johnny, who had been out on some business, was refreshing himself before goi

aid, "Come, fill your glasses; I'll fetch another jug of ale. I rec

sitting down to the beef and beer. Both of them found the beef splendid; but beginning to find the ale rather long

im. It was many a day, however, before they again got sight of him. When they did, it was on his own hearth, just as they had done a

Johnny; "and draw it you

you," said one; "my comr

Johnny, light

ds the cellar steps,-"mind, I say, some of these steps are bad

e that Johnny went some distance round before he turned down the steps. There was no

s! the man's gone,-

oan announced the man's

madman, has walked over the landing into the cellar. If he isn't killed, it's a mercy. Hel

he officer followed. They found the other man lying on hi

time to lose!" cried Johnny D

e found a door already bolted in his face; and cursing Johnny for a treacherous and murderous scoundrel, he began v

deserted him. He appeared on horseback at the barn where threshers were at work; told them what had happened; gave them the key of the cellar door, bade them off and help all they could; and s

re active than ever, and the ruins of Wingfield Manor, which stood on a hill not far from his dwelling, were speedily suspected to be haunted by him. These were hunted over and over, but no trace of Johnny Darbyshire, or any sufficient hiding-place for him, could be found, till, one fine summer evening, the officers were lucky enough to hit on a set of steps which descended amongst bushes into the lower part of the ruins. Here, going on, they found themselves, to their astonishment, in an ample old kitchen, with a fire of charcoal in the grate, and Johnny Darbyshire with a friend or two sitting most cosily over their tea. Before they could recover from their surprise, Johnny, however, had

s of cottage chimneys, in the gleam of the setting sun. Another instant, and an officer of the law was seen cautiously scrambling up the same ruinous path; but, when he had reached within about half a dozen

ut had scarcely reached the next corner, when they heard a loud descent of stones and rubbish, and, springing forward, saw these rushing to the ground at the foot of the old Manor, and some of

deavored to let himself down the wall by the ivy which grew enormously strong there; but the decayed state of the stones had caused the hold of the

s persecutor, though Johnny was declared to have rendered himself, by his resistance to the officers of the law, liable to outlawry, this gentleman declared that he was quite satisfied; that Johnny was punished enough, especially

so strongly and characteristically as during this time. He was a most troublesome subject in the house. As he sate in his bed, he ordered, scolded, and ruled wi

st scarlet-bean stick that she could find in the garden. Armed with this, he now declared that he would have his own way,-he could reach them now! And, accordingly, there he sate, ordering and scolding, and, if not promptly obeyed

thus laid up. He should be ruined, that was certain. O, if he could but see the ploughing an

nown, was all the while farming, and carrying on the

these days, and for the present he

g up into the Ark. There he sate, swaying his long stick, now talking to this horse, and now to that cow. To the old bull he addressed a long speech; and every now and then he broke off to rate the farm-servants for their neglect of things. "What a bag of bones

r his farm; and it would have made a fine scene for Fielding or Goldsmith, to have seen all

ere had the man flung the seed to? Here was a bit come up, and there never a bit. It was his belief that they must go to Jericho to find half of his corn that had been flung away. What! had they picked the windiest da

many a day did it furnish him wit

r, never was beheld; but the genus to which Johnny Darbyshire belonged is far from extinct. In the nooks of England there are not a few of them yet to be found in all their froward glory; and in the most busy cities, though the great prominences of their eccentricit

GRID

MUEL

l of whim, some queer stories, and perhaps, more than all, long and faithful services, had established a right of loquacity. He was one of those few trusty and privileged domestics, who, if his master unheedingly uttered a rash thing in a fit of passion, would venture to set him right. If the squire said, "I'll turn t

ege to some extravaganza of his servant, might, perchance, assail Pat thus: "By the by, Sir John (addressing a distinguished guest), Pat has a very curious story, which something

, sir," gri

n, in feigned surprise,

host; and Pat adds, "Ay, and

Pat told me a story once that surprised me ver

eally, I always supposed the Frenc

ey're not, sir,"

s mine host, shaking

t with a seductive air, and leading into the "full and true account"-(for Pat had thought f

favorite phrase of his, which he gave with a b

ed into the recital; "whin the winds began to blow, and the sae to rowl, that you'd think th

' down, as the sailors call it; and faith I never was good at settlin' down in my life, and I liked it then less nor ever; accordingly we prepared for the worst and put out the boat and got a sack o' bishkits and a cask o' pork, and a kag o' wather, and a th

d, and then we sailed iligant; for we darn't show a stitch o' canvas the night before, bekase it was blowin' like bl

urty things in themselves, throth they're no great things when you've nothin' else to look at for a week together,-and the barest rock in the world, so it was land, would be more welkim. And then, soon enough, throth, our provisions began to run

oy,' says he, 'for sitch a good wish, a

ng it was only a dissolute island,' says I, 'inhabited wid Turks, sure

ays he; 'you don't know how soon you may want a good word put in for yourself, i

he last bishkit was sarved out, and by gor the wather itself was all gone at last, and we passed the night mighty cowld; well, at the brake o' day the sun riz most beautifully out o' the waves, that was as bright as silver and as clear as chrystal. But i

for?' s

s bring-'em-near (that's what the sailors call a spy

re all right now; pull

' says I; 'maybe it's only a fog

e, 'it's the la

we, Captain?' says I; 'maybe it id be in Roos

way wid him-thinkin' himself cleverer nor any one els

ll me so? and how do you know it's

e Bay o' Bishky we'

I often heerd av it in regard of that same; and throth the likes av it

seen my life was safe, I began to grow twice hungrier nor

r and turf,' says he, 'what pu

arvin' with the

ouldn't eat a gridiron,' says he, 'barrin' yo

uch a gommoch all out as that, anyhow. But sure, if w

ere's the beefs

e cut a slice aff

says the captain. 'You're a clever

a thrue word sai

you, Paddy

(for we were nearin' the land all the time), 'and sure I

now,' says he, 'you gommoch,' says he, 'sure I told you before tha

you know but I'm as good a fu

you mane

wld you, that I'm as good a f

sinsible

,' says I,-and we all began to laugh at him, for I thought I wo

s he, 'I bid you, and tell me wh

o frongsay

' says he; 'why, by gor,

u may say th

fellow, Paddy,' says th

hat said that,' says I,

captain; 'and do you tell me, Paddy

o frongsay

divil,-I never met the likes o' you, Paddy,' says he,-'pull away, boys,

lovely white sthrand,-an illegant place for ladies to bathe in the summer; and out I got,-and it's stiff enough in the limbs I was, afther bein' cramped up in the boat, and perished with

n, and childher, ating their dinner round a table, quite convanient. And so I wint up to the door, and I thought I'd be very ci

making a low bow, says I,

e betoken from furriners which they call so mighty p'lite; but I never minded that, in regard o' wantin' the gridiron; and so says I, 'I beg your pardon,' says I, 'for the liberty I take, b

nds), 'Indeed it's thrue for you,' says I, 'I'm tatthered to pieces, and God knows I look quare enough,-bu

for a poor beggar coming to crave charity,-with that, says I, 'O, not at all,' says I, 'by no manes,-we have plenty of mate oursel

d that it was not France at all at all; and so says I, 'I beg pardon, sir,' says I, to a fine ould man, with a head of hair as white a

nseer,'

the loan of a gridiron,

like and onaisy,-and so, says I, makin' a bow and scrape agin, 'I know it's a liberty I take, sir,' says

r,' says he,

e loan of a gridiron!' says

fine manners; and throth my blood begun to rise, and says I, 'By my sowl, if it was you was in distriss,' says I, 'and if it was to ould Ireland you kem,

s ear, and so I thought I'd give him another offer, and make him sensible at last: and so

nseer,'

of a gridiron,' says I

d the ould chap begins bowin' and scrapin', and

n of Paddy's touching

ys I, 'I don't want a tongs at all at all; but can't

muns

of a gridiron,' says I

Bad cess to the likes o' that I ever seen,-throth if you wor in my counthry it's not that away they'd use

m; and says I, turnin' back, 'Well, I'll give one chance more,-you ould thief,-are you a Chrishthan at all? are you a furriner!

nseer,'

' says I, 'will you lind

villain,' says I; 'the back o' my hand and the sowl o' my foot to you, that you may want a gridiron yourself yit,' says I;

OX TU

ARLES

a good style of man,-the more to his credit, since he belonged to a corporation that frequently turns out the worst imaginable style of young men. He was a cavalry officer, aged twenty-five. He had a mustache, but not a very repulsive one; not one of those subnasal pigtails on which soup is suspended like dew on a shrub; it was short, thick, and black as a coal. His teeth had not yet been turned by tobacco smoke to the color of juice, his clothes did not stick to nor hang to him; he had an engaging smile, and, what I liked the dog for, his vanity, which was inordinate, was in its proper place, his heart, not in his face, jostling mine and other people's who have none,-in a word, he was what one oftener hears of than meets,-a young gentleman. He was conversing in an animated whisper with a companion, a fellow-officer; they we

a Times and Punch; the latter full of steel-pen thrusts and woodcuts. Valor and beauty deigned to laugh at some inflamed humbug or other punctured by Punch. Now laughing together thaws our human ice; long before Swindon it was a talking match-at Swindon who so devoted as Captain D

e downward on the carpet. But this was a bit of a fop, Adonis, dragoon,-so Venus remained in tête-à-tête with him. You have seen a dog meet an unknown female of his species; how handsome, how empressé, how expressive he becomes; such was Dolignan after Swindon, and to do

a mile from t

a mile from the Box T

aria

at

t is a gentl

recounted to Miss Ha

it was pitch dark: after the tunnel the lady said, 'George, how absurd of you to salute me going thro

to lead his companion to laugh, but it was

aythor

What is

orn. I am

side). Pray do not be

near me,-very near me,

You know

u mention it. I wish we w

nt to spend hours here, re

thorn. N

your lips to the next pretty creature you m

ythorn.

hat is th

Open the door

rs, the door was shut and the blind

the insolence I can command at present. "Hit boys as big as yourself"; bigger, perhaps, such as So

engine whistled forty thousand murders at the same moment

himself whether his conduct had been marked by that delicate

ible! they must pass him. She whom he had insulted (Latin for kissed) deposited somewhere at his feet a look of gentle,

Major was too apt to look coldly upon billiard-balls and cigars; he had seen cannon-balls and linstocks. He had also, to tell the truth, swallowed a good bit o

nts; but Major Hoskyns heard him coldly, and as coldly answere

d the Major, "but unfortuna

ples; and his senior added, "I mean to say he w

nty-

ame thing; will you

will adv

send White the ￡3, that he may

ard, when

or all th

all. He was in that state of factitious discontent which belongs to us amiable English. He was looking in vain for a lady, equal in personal attraction to the idea he had formed of George Dolignan as a man, when sud

, but him-she did not see him; it was clear she never would see him-one gentleman was particularly assiduous; she smiled on his assiduity; he was ugly, but she smiled on him. Dolignan was surprised at his success, his ill taste, his ugliness, his impertinence. Dolignan at last found himself injured; "who was this man? and what right had he to go on so? He never kissed her, I suppose," said Dolle. Dolignan could not prove

ssed her many times on the parade, and searched for pity in her eyes, but found neither look nor recognition, nor any other sentiment; for all this she walked and walked, till all the other promenaders were tired and gone,-then her culprit summoned resolution, and, taking off his hat, with a voice for the first time tremulous, besought permission to address her. She stopped, blushed, and neither acknowledged nor disowned his acquaintance. He blushed, stammered out how ashamed he was, how he deserved to be punished, how

id not

Haythorn, and he danced with her. Her manner was gracious. With the wonderful tact of her sex, she seemed to have commenced the acquaintance that evening. That night, for the first time, Dolignan was in love. I will spare the reader all a lover's arts, by which he succeede

his life, and slightly propitiated by violently listening to a cutting-out expedition; he called, and in the usual way asked permission to pay his addresses to his daughter. The worthy Captain straightway began doing quarter-deck, when suddenly he was summoned from the apartment by a mysterious

eet consciousness deepen into confusion,-she tried to laugh, and cried instead, and then she smiled again; wh

more upon the railroad, going to enjoy their honeymoon all by themselves. Marian Dolignan was dressed just as before,-duck-like and delicious

e should tell each other all. Will yo

s!

ad ventured to it.) "I am ashamed to say I had ￡3 to ￡10 with White I would

; I overheard you,"

erheard me!

whisper to my companion

t! how singula

ir of glov

w; but what

you should be my

n so very angry with me, love. Why, deares

ignan lo

orgetting me! George, yo

why, here is t

come to a dark place. Besides, it is not the thing. Consider, two sensible married people. No s

riber'

g have been retained as th

a

changed

ation added af

ion added after

ion added after .

d" changed

n changed to single

him in in the