LOVE AND HATE

in the church. I... never knew what I was exactly to be quite honest, I tried to follow the standards imposed by them, but I felt out of place m

now that it won't end the way I wanted it to end and you'

was a strange person and thought I was ugly... but that's a story for later. We were entering the teenage phase. I was hanging out with four other friends, and I remember that he had become interested in one of them. She was too: white in color, hair straight past her shoulders. Her name was Rebecca. He kept sending her messages expressing his interest. She, however, didn't want him.At my young age I looked at him with indifference. In fact, I didn't see any fun at all... Either that was what I was trying to convince myself of, or, in fact, I already had a crush on him and wouldn't give up. Because he didn't want to be like the other girls who saw him and were dazzled: for God's sake!!! He was just a pretty-faced boy who thought he was too much! Of course, there was no way I could deny that he was handsome. But I still thought it was pretty stupid the way the girls treated him.I had a lot of problems dealing with my self-esteem. In fact, I never paid attention to anyone

o escape me, he had presence just by being in any environment, always with the same long hair. He was always in my room, he had friends there. There is! that same year, one of my friends, yeah roll your eyes and get ready! Her name was Fabiana, she was crazy, psychopathic for him. She used to say that he was

ke 2 teeth could fit in there and I'm not kidding! Anyway. I was a born nerd, I even got a certificate of best student for being diligent, which caused me even more bullying by my classmates. When I got home, I hid to cry. I felt destroyed and unmotivated. However, in 2010, anxiety affected my emotions so much that my grades went downhill, and I ended up failing my Biology recovery course. Guess who arrives to take the recovery test??? Yes, that's him! I remember like it was yesterday, he arrived late with the biggest 'poker face' in th

him, do you? Please! I'm really into his friend and it's only going to happen if I have company.''She put her hands in front of her face, imploring me to go.I rolled my eyes.I thought about saying no, but I was so angry that I didn't want to know anything anymore.''All right, I'm up.''''Hey, my friend!! How wonderful! Wait a minute, I'll send him a message here.''I watched her text him while I thought if I really was making the right decision. What if I was rushing? However, something in me wanted new adventures, I wanted to disconnect from myself and my emotional problems at least once in my life.When we left, he picked us up in front of the school. In fact, when he arrived, I almost fell over backwards!It really was him.I thought it was him when she said the name, I just wasn't sure, but here I was seeing it with my own eyes.He was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. Skinny, but as handsome as I remembered, but with those beautiful eyes that were dry and lifeless green. I felt a shiver down my spine and to this day I can't name whether that was good or bad.Josh looked me up and down with a cynical tight-lipped smile, then I remembered earlier that I'd bumped into him in the hallways at school, and he'd walked towards me on purpose.I raised my eyebrows