Wit, Humor, Reason, Rhetoric, Prose, Poetry and Story Woven into Eight Popular Lectures

man kindness." As rude rough rocks on mountain peaks wear button-hole bouquets so there are intervening tra

fficult things in science is to invent a lense that will not distort the object it reflects; the least deviation in the li

out a dozen men confronted me. They were dressed in blue, a color I was not very partial to at that time. I had read that "he that fights and runs away may live to fight another day." It occurred to me tha

uring the remainder of the war from the narrow standpoint of prejudice and cherished revenge in my heart for his having exposed me to the fl

of temperance, he as candidate for the presidency of the United States on the prohibition ticket. From the warmth of friendship, my preju

toward those from whom they differ. We are greatly creatures of education and environment anyway, and until we can unlock the alphabet of a life and sum up the mingling, bl

o, you might know why one is a member of this or that church, this or that politi

laves, General Grant would have been a Confederate General in the Civil War; while Robert E. Lee if born, reared and educated in New England would have been a Union General. If

as turned seaward, instead of lakeward, by simply a pebble thrown in the fountain-head; why not have consideration for those whose circumstances and early training set in motion convict

Mississippian a liar, he will challenge you to a duel; call a Kentuckian a liar, he will stab you with a bowie-knife or shoot you down; ca

u a liar, and you are not a liar, the manliest thing to do is to say, "I challenge you, sir, not on to a field of dishonor, where the better aim

look at character or questions from

any babies, horses and dogs named for one man in the same length of time. But one morning the papers came out with the statement that he had deeded to his wife a piece of property some friends had presented to him, and within three days after, when his picture was thrown on a canvas in an opera house in Washington City it was hissed from

oth ends would ride the sea. The bulk-head was made to withstand any contact, and Captain Smith never dreamt of danger from icebergs. But when he saw his idol shattered, he did all a brave seaman could do to save human lives. When the last life-boat was launched he came upon a little child who was lost from its parents. He seized a life-belt, buckled it about his waist and taking the child in his arm

ilmington, Pennsylvania, when the great preacher was to follow me the next evening. As I was leaving the county superintendent said to me: "When you reach the main line Joseph Cook will get off the train which you are to take. I wish you would speak

h Cook entered the door and took a seat just inside. When I had talked about ten minutes, he arose and passed

hour and see to his reaching the chautauqua grounds. With reluctance I went to the hotel and sent my card to his room. He ordered me to be shown up to the room at once. Approaching the door I found it open and Mr. Co

e rendered the temperance cause. I heard you once for about ten minutes in Cooper Union, when I

. Cook, if I can be of any service to you while you are in

anxious to see the home of Henry Clay a

daughter had been buried only a few months before. When I had called his attention to the sacred spot, Mr. Cook said: "I

covered head for a few moments. Then taking his seat beside me in the carriage,

in of Joseph Cook beats a tender heart." Not to know him was to misjudge

trate the benevolent guardianship of God in working out the problem of creation. Out of the most discordant elements God can bring the mos

be over. When the end came he gave back the sword of Lee, and said to the worn-out Confederate soldiers: "Take your horses with you, you'll need them on your farms. Go back to your homes and peace g

Yet, we are told it was the cackling of a goose that saved Rome; the cry of a babe in the bull-rushes gave a law-giver to the Jews; the kick of a cow caused the great Chicago fire; the omission of a comma in preparing a bill that passed Congress cost this republic a half million dollars; while the

frog's flesh as it touched a certain kind of metal led Galvani to invent the electric battery. The swinging of a spider's web across a garden walk led to the invention of the suspension bridge. The oscillation

e to a store. A boy took the sign down a

with that sign?" a

ll, I'm here, so I b

ful man, while a little temper, a little indifference, a little cigarette, a li

e up against a half open door, knock the pitcher off the table and spill the cold water on your bare feet, sit down on a chair that's not there, and you'll realize what it means to strike a match. If I were to go in

'm glad to find such a trait in that person," but directly another match will flare up and you will find another tr

ks well, and she falls in love with him, dreams about him tonight, sighs about him tomorrow and thinks she'll surely die if he doesn't ask her to marry him. Yet she knows nothing about his parentage or his character. No wonder we have so many unhapp

d: "Hello! who r

ing to settle now," sho

hile by the natural law of love, a young woman may see in the object of her affection her ideal of perfection in humanity, she owes volitional conformity to a higher la

e elect men to offices of public trust. While we have many public men, schooled in the science of government, whom the spoils of office cannot corrupt, we have an army of demagogues w

olitical gang you have running this city, put them in a cage, then let the devil

of society are teachers and all life is learning. The birth of an infant into this world is its matriculation into a university, where it graduates in successive degrees. And do you know in this great school of human life, where I

tle and then to sing a new song. It was a catchy tune and took hold of me. On the train I found myself trying to hum that tune, then I tried to whistle it, and failing in both attempts I finally gave it up. Two days after I left the trai

is friends who had phones, and "Hello! Hello!" took hold of him. He went home to lunch and being a little late he hurried into his chair at the table. With

of snap to the tone which they evidently think makes the children and the servants "get a move" on them. Perhaps it does, but at the same time it fal

home in the early spring and found some one had been among my bees and had left the lids of

s the colored man in char

doesn't stay in the house." I knew that, but somehow we

trouble?" my

the bees, (about the effect of wh

out of that apiary. He'l

ight starve during the long cold spell, so I made some syrup and placed it in the upper compartments. I lifted the lid

d the right thing, my dear, and

id that, sir. What are you going to do ab

ticed when it was approaching the people didn't run out of their homes and throw stones at it. They ran for the storm cellars. When you see a bit of anger coming toward you from brother, sister

uence that may touch us, how very careful we should be as parents as to what shall touch us, how we shall touch ot

faculties of the boy are sprung doesn't come from the teacher, but from some boy on the playground and perhaps not the best boy. Some boys are as potent

e black "mammies" of the South before the war. Down there in that hale, hearty colored motherhood was laid the foundation of future health and strength for many a white baby, when otherwise its mother would have had to see it die. Frail, delicate mothers, who because of slavery had not done sufficient work to develop physical womanhoo

he slave driver and the cottonfield cannot understand the attachment between one of these colored mothers a

l except a line here and there, hence I take the liberty to supply the missing lin

nly a dear

abin f

he sunny

eams dance

reams I hear

g soft

on, b

will make

tired of

d so full

ried and

umult and

again t

lt a hear

s she loves

id in da

ar old col

cabin f

ocked me in

rever an

ms I hear y

y cradl

on, b

hes while

ar the white family moved west. As their child grew up the father and mother often told her about Aunt Hannah,

was sent for and the old black mammy and the beautiful young girl faced each other. The young lady was disappointed. She expected to see a nice, comely old woman, but there she stod, crippled with rheumatism, gray headed, wrinkled, and poorly clad. The old woman was surprised, for there before her stood a b

so many nights and cooked so many sweet things for? Why, bless yo' heart, honey; dese old hands ust

shall take me in your arms as when I was a little ch

d not all peoples, and all individuals, see in all others but a multiplication of the one each of us is, and that each is enhanced or diminished in value according to the concentrated worth of the whole? If man would stand in his l

ger." I suppose in return the negro would not have made the Irishman, nor would the white man have made the Indian or Chinaman, but God made them all and in proportion as we have the philanthropic comprehensiveness

never seen a monkey and as they played their pranks a

oy said: "Well, don't you guess God l

eate laughter it wouldn't have been a mistake. The lachrymal glands were placed in us for sorrow to play upon; we are commanded to "weep with those w

or the ringing laughs he has sent around the wor

divided; it should be portioned out and each o

o divide today, in ten years I would have ten th

ivide again," sa

n the seat with him, next to the window. An Irishman boarded the car and seeing all the seats taken he remained standing,

e cage paying his fare? If no

the cage to his lap and moved o

ity of that gintlema

very much out of humor and said

us," replied the witty son of Erin, a

uite embarrassing, as it was to Sam Jones upon one occasion, w

o heaven, stand up; I'd l

again Mr. Jones said: "Now all you who want to go

d said: "Well, parson, I don't care anything special about seeing the old chap, but I neve

from the effects of drink. His friends had made a box for the corpse and had placed in the top a ten by twelve window glass to go over the face, but when th

ffort he kept his face straight and conducted the service. At the close he invited the friends to view the remains. One stimulated friend w

o be excused if he did

irding trait of all traits of character, the trait of principle. Though you may use policy now

the right time and in the right place. Some young men win first honors in college and fail in the business of life for want of tact. Here is where the Yankee ex

repartee with him, met more than his match when he ran up against

to give, but if you will get one dollar from that old man on the end

, and is he a mem

e answer to b

: "Well, that's easy," an

ey for the Lord. You owe him a dollar. I'm told you are an ho

ou, sir?" aske

I'm nearly double your age, sir, and will very likely see the

m and when I made a point which he approved, he would nudge the boys. He seemed to be driving my advice in

o get about the best things out of his subject, and will put them in a way to take hold and benefit young men. If I were going to get the

re he lived when set free, remained after the war in his cabin and worked for the son of his old master. In his old age his memory began to fa

o better or you and I

e best I can. I is mighty sorry I forgits

tant chore, the young man said: "I told you what would happen if yo

members how you ust to take de lines and dribe de ole mule. Den when de war broke out and ole Master jined de army, I stayed here and took care ob ole Missus and you ch

oung man said: "I'm not going to move anywhere, Uncle Dan, nor shall you. We'll both s

ed the engine struck a mule and tore the animal to pieces. Part of the mangled remains was carried into the running gear of the baggage car. The engineer stopped the tra

t are you doing under t

y: "Boss, I wus de fellow

you've paid your fare; climb into

but don't let it lead you into the meane

r's family I lov

are of me, who cares

s, a young man, who was ashamed of the old worn-out hearse, went about soliciting money to purchase a n

old hearse twenty years ago, and neither me no

sympathy. I would rather have the record of Clara Barton in the great recko

ld to battlefield, and was just as kind to t

e with the German army. She was with the first who climbed the defenses of Strassburg, where she ministered to the wounded and dying. At the close of her work there she took ten thousand garments with her to France. There she waited till the Commune fell

was borne back by loving hands to her home, where she recovered and again resumed

e Grand Duchess of Baden placed upon her the "Red Cross of Geneva;" and in the great day of r

, Kentucky, a home for the rescue of fallen girls, she went in

ive your consent to have your wife do such work. I saw her recently in her ca

ing in her arms the spirit of a poor girl, snatched from the hell of a harlot'

andirons, and as he heard the beating of the wild winter storm against the window pane, his heart went out to the homeless hungry poor of the city. Ordering his carriage he went to the city mission and asked for a helper, and then drove to London Bridge, under the shelter of which the penniless poor gather in time o

One afternoon, while he stood outside a tenement door, awaiting the return of the doctor from a visit to a poor sick soul inside the tenement, he became deeply moved by the ragged c

day. To these schools he added homes for working women, and for these women he persuaded Parliament to give shorter hours of service. He tore down old rookeries

hand, he said: "I am sorry to leave the world with so much misery in it, but I have lived to prove

me the twenty-third Psalm, for 'though I walk throug

eads and tearful eyes, to pay their tribute. Children came from the "ragged schools" bearing banners with the motto: "I was naked and ye clothed me." From the hospitals came the motto: "I was

Lord Shaftsbury died, and yet lives in memory

ngs of his violin; that was sweet music when I sat in the twilight on the stoop of my childhood's home and heard the welkin ring with the songs of the old plantation; but the sweetest music in this old world is that which thrills the soul w

I would add two grand tra

nded touch

gs you for

ike a man

your hand

rles Carroll of Carrolton," and the courage to say, "Give me liber

to a river

no canoe

y's on the

y boy, and

may have to go ahead of public sentiment at times, but you wil

Hall. At the close of the lecture a friend said to me: "You said some good things but th

ternoon I met an elegantly dressed lady, I suppose a wealthy one from her jewels and dress. She had a poodle dog in her arms, with a b

nother holding her apron strings. I think it would be a blessing to home life if an avenging angel should go through this country, smiting every English pug and poodl

is a fiery furnace with an angel for company, th

d for the right would be to meet difficulties at every step of the w

. I had never been across the plains and before the time for the train to start I walked to the front of the engine and looking along the track as it reached out across the prairie I saw trouble. What was it? Why, six miles ahead the track wasn't wide enough. Yes, I saw it. Then on six miles more the rails came together, with my destination nineteen hundred miles away. Soon the train moved and

way. Get you a through ticket, get on the train, battle

weeks earlier than usual, the highways were blocked, frost fiends ruled the air, the great French army was broken into pieces and Napoleon had to fly

ave with the much that others have, when if they would compare their blessings with the miseries of others it would ad

might have been worse." A friend, who wanted to see if the old man would say the same und

I dreamt I died and w

ame: "Well, it mig

d it have been worse," he answ

I never worry over; one is the thing I can help, the other is the thing I can't he

ide, more good men than bad, more good women than good men; slavery, dueling, lottery and polygamy are outlawed, the saloon is on the run, the wide world will soon be so sick of w

s not so b

uld like t

r it is go

n how we

out her, the blue sky with its sun, moon and stars above her, the faces of her loved ones, and yet at ninety-two she said: "I never worry, never think disagreeable things, never find fault with anything or anybody. If

preserved, who after passing through a flower garden where

f summers y

am not

weed is y

that I s

when done with the body, she was disappointed because she couldn't carry the old body along with her. Don't let these things trouble you. Live one summer so you wil

home on earth, follow Fanny Crosby's receipt for contentment and you

ness? In attempting to do so, I would not point you to Cong

ng round a curve he saw the wood-work of a tunnel before him on fire. To attempt to stop the train then, would be to halt in the flames. He threw on more steam and sent the train whizzi

ight have jum

f saving sin

hem women

the ri

ht on a day

er old Joh

t going to sa

back as an

pumps were not equal to the task of holding the water down to the safety line. The captain said: "We will dra

to a comrade in a life-boat: "When you reach the shore, see my wife, tell her good-bye for me and help

rawing, when a very popular officer of the ship drew his lot. He was doomed to go down with the ship. Though a brave man, the though

s. You have a wife and three sweet little children, while I have no one that will rejoice at my coming, nor will any one weep i

rced his friend into a boat saying, "G

dstones, but yonder in the humbler walks of life are heroes and heroines, who in the final reckoning day, will pale

to historic heights, but that you may win your share of greatness

me of God

w and la

e when even

eat upon

l come t

stops at s

s He pays

ithful one,