Poor Relations

tomers and shopmen alike, were abruptly seized with a frenzy of destruction so violent that they began to tear up all the material upon

ad stopped some time before John had precisely located its whereabouts and really before he was perfectly convinced that he was awake, he jumped out of bed and hurried across the chilly boards to ascertain if after all it had only been a relic of his dream. No active cause was vi

condition of sycophantic credulity. "And, of course, anything like a ghost at sev

noise began again overhead; a fleeting object darkened the casement like the swift passage of a bird and struck the penthouse below; there was a slow grindi

in creation are you trying t

to toboggan,

at tobogganing can only be carr

yet," Harold pointed o

never to toboggan down a roof. What's the good of having all t

lls from America at the same time as he was

ver, too," Ha

a river-unless, of cour

but if I had a Canadian canoe for the rive

e Murmania, felt that he was being subjected to the lawless exactions of a

ow and be

..." Haro

If those chicken

feathers," his nep

y an impression that you're a Red Indian chief, go and sit

n't to smoke till

s, in my young days such an allusion to Mayne R

ith this conversation, John

, go aw

cle John

is morning. Suppose I'd been shaving when you start

the chimneys. Mother said that whenever I was playin

. The gardener will get them for you after breakfast.

t a Red India

ter breakfast. Don't argue any more, because I'm standing here in bare feet. Go

d without my

, not

her. I can't do anything

way and do

onsolately, and John ran

the last vestige of whose irritation had vanished in the smell of fried

hing without his spect

o the breakfast table all

ning to her mother with a wry little l

John laughed. "They're probabl

never could abide wells. And I hate to think of people leaving things off suddenly. It's always a mistake. I remember little

, by the way

val. She was able to forget Harold's myopic wanderi

ie," sighed the old lady. "But he's al

hat he can get out o

ittle enough to spare for him. I wish you could have seen your

h for him," Hilda snapped,

rooms in Earl's Court,"

runk, I suppose?" Jo

. He seems to me a sad scapegrace. Poor little Hughie. I wish everything wasn't against him. It's

g of getting married," e

. "How you do take anybody up, Johnnie. I

shly voice coming down the chimney. Cook was nearly took with the convolsions, and if it had of been after dark, mum, she says she's shaw she doesn't know what she wouldn't

ar the roof. If he has disobeyed my express commands he must suffer for it by the lo

phraseology that he began to be impressed by it himself and to feel the first faint intimations of

him, and I hope it will attract

e could have uttered: autumnal wasps disturbed h

" said Hilda. "He ob

elief in his humanity, and the only retort he could think of w

child must be mad. You'll tell me

it was now. But the poor boy was so happy about his little trium

Daniel Curtis must have married Hilda in

see any insects anywhere about Ambles that show the slightest sign of having bee

orts this morning. And I don't like the idea of poor little Harold's balancing himself all alone on a chimney. It was neve

peal and begged John to let

tood that I've come down to Ambles to write a new play and that some arrang

brightening at the pros

terate oaf," as he characterized the person responsible, had put in upside down upon the shelves the standard works he had hastily amassed. Instead of setting his ideas in order, he had to set his books in order: and after a hot and dusty morning with the rows of unreadable

ving," he added. "The

ed from his tone a momentous gravity like the captain of a shi

maid's reception of her heavenly visitants than a very hot man wearing a green baize apron would appear in the doorway of the library and announce that a chest of drawers had hopelessly involved some vital knot in the domestic communications. It was no go

ipher," she k

d to wedge all its pinnacles into the lintel of the front door, John observed to Laurence he had understood that

you," Laurence replied. "It seemed to

r-in-law's expression was earnest, and the intended compliment struck

eem like gimcrack goth

usiness of forcing the bureau into the house that when it was insi

garrets for the present," he said,

the various bishops in his play as unsympathetic as they ought to be for dramatic contrast; then he remembered that after all it had been due to the Bishop of Silchester's strong action that Lau

ealism is everywhere.... Thank goodness, I've been through it and got over it and put it behind me forever. It's a most unprofitable creed. What was my circulation as a realist? I once reached four thousand. What's four thousand? Why, it isn't half the population of Galton. And now Laurence Armitage takes up with it after being a vicar for ten years. Idiot! Religion isn't realistic: it never was realistic. Religion is the entertainment of man's spirituality just as the romantic drama is the entertainment of his mentality. I don't read Anatole France for my representatio

border until the gardener told him he had weeded away the autumn-sown swee

burking the point at issue; and his disillusionment became so pr

ipe?" asked the young

up with soap and water," said J

e which father sent home. It belonged to a little Indian

John advised him. "Expl

can I b

a change. I'm tired of being shunned by

bring Ants, B

t to go trailing about Hamps

n the

something, you can carry m

tice bringing eggs down in m

all intolerably sticky it kept Harold from asking questions; for about two hun

me won't come till the

lofty trees round Ambles, and with his mouth

character of a testimonial and thereby added to John's sense of obligation-that he was even embarrassed by the notion of accepting it. At the same time a faint echo of his own realistic beginnings tinkled in his ear a warning not to refuse it, both for his own sake and for the sake of his brother-in-law. He therefore escaped from the imputation of avarice by sugge

told himself, "for if Laurence has a rather mon

echoing Laurence, was still able to rouse in her brother's heart feelings of warm affection. Old Mrs. Touchwood had acquired from some caller a new game of Patience, which kept her gently simmering in the lamplight every evening; Harold had discovered among the odds and ends of salvage from the move a sixpenny encyclopedia that, though it made him unpleasantly informative, at any rate kept him from being interrogative, which John found, on the

act-really it should be possible to write to Janet Bond presently and assure her of a production next autumn. John was feeling particularly optimistic. For three days in succession the feet of the first act had been moving as rhythmically and regularly toward the curtain as the feet of guardsmen move along the Buckingham Palace Road. It was a fine frosty morning, and even so early in the day John was

he would deprecate her own profanity in referring to so gross a quality as laziness in connection with Laurence, and perhaps for the first time in her l

to the curtain of his first act, merely replied, without a

" Edith continued, "which r

ion twitched the little straw that mig

o-And you shall see King Charles-no-and you shall see the King of France at once-no-and you shall see the King of France forthwith. Sensation amon

that a good deal of the shell was driven down into the egg: it did not matter, howeve

p me with some of these things," he w

roll of blotting paper as white as the snow upon the summit of Mont Blanc, and so fat that John thought at first it was a tablecloth and wondered what his brother-in-law meant to d

dear, why did

thout letting my materials dr

ca

t it doesn't matter, Edith. As you see, I've m

Edith went on. "

was going to begin

id of me ... I

John, who was anxious to stop Edith'

only waiting now

r you mine ... but I mu

you, also like to work alone. In fact I consider that a secure solitude provides the ideal setting for dramatic composition. I have a habit-perhaps it comes from preparing my sermons

said, "if you're alone

ried to cover her last by incorporating Hilda in

ll tell Emily to clear away

y?" Lauren

laying for lunch ti

cted playwright I have no right to attribute, but I think John at any rate will appreciate my objection to working with-ah-the bread-knife

sit in the drawin

turb Mama. I had thought of suggesting that the children should be given another room in which to play, but

ever thought of interrupting

r journey to interview Robert de Baudricourt, "there are several empty bed

anging of furniture,

," said John. "You'd fin

od that the suggestion was only playfulness on John's

good work, though at present it is occupied by a quan

re from what is now your

this holds good equally for pippins, codlins, and russets. On the other hand it means I shall lose half a day's work, becau

arranging to do," Hilda contested, acrimoniously. "There a

he apples are. John will appreciate

move the apples," Joh

uld be driven into offering Laurence a corner of the library, for he suspected

ice. "Apoplexy treatment of, Apothecaries measure, Appetite loss of. This may be due to genera

ver has the boy got hold of?

the page. "And, oh, Grandmama, you know you told me not to make a noise the other day because your heart was weak. Well, you're

p the child?" Gr

he book from his nephew

mly, and not even Hilda dared protest, so majestic w

with all his might upon their toes; his work that morning was chiropody, not composition, and bungling chiropody at that. After lunch Laurence was solemnly in

t be driven out of my new li

saw the others all laughing and Laurence smiling his acknowledgments; her desperate effort to change the contours of her fa

up your tea, dear, so that you w

l give me a clear two hours before dinner. If I allow a quarter of an hour for arranging my table, that will give me four hours in all. Perhaps

oon, especially since on the first occasion that he had been taken for a drive in the new dogcart he had evidently been imbued with a detestation o

I may not be able to help it," ad

there'll be evenings when the mere idea of waiting even for cof

rse, I appr

sily lost as the creat

-yes-ah-precisely." His brow began to lower; the mood was upon him; and everybody stole quietly from the room. They had scarcely reached the head of the stairs when the door opened again and Lauren

mental aphrodisiac and was evidently guaranteeing himself agai

d ass of himself without anybody's raising a finger to warn him. I hope I didn't give that sort o

legal formalities were complete; that very afternoon John had the pleasure of watching the fierce little Kerry cows munch the last grass they wo

ch probably provided the topic for the longest wh

loud what you want to say." He had leaned over majestically to emphasiz

to go away from here, Johnnie, if you have a cat in the house. I'd rather

her mistake even when persuaded

ut. Harold, please look well under

the times of the meals were being altered nor complain that in the smallest detail the domestic mechanism was being geared up or down to suit Laurence; the whole sensation was essentially of a spiritual eviction, and the nearest he could get to formulating his resentment (though perhaps resentment was too definite a word for this vague uneasiness) was his own gradually growing opinion that of all those at present under the Ambles roof Laurence was the most important. This loss of importance was bad for John's work, upon which it soon began to exert a discouraging influence, because he became doubtful of his own position, hyper

f I'm ever to get on with

nation he could muster. The concrete fact was still missing; his capacity for self-deception was still robust enough to persuade him that it was all a passing fancy, and he might have gone

ou have your own work to consider ... but I'm anxious for y

ist: if it were not n

hen he made one effort. "Thou

ah-difficult to make out. And I've indulged in a good many erasure

the birds, as patients in the hands of a dentist regard longingly

y written, of which the disciple Thomas was the protagonist. This drama notwithstanding the probably obstructive att

mas has come to be associated in so many people's minds with footmen. Wouldn't Saint Thomas be better,

A play in four acts. By Laurence Armytage. By the way, I'm going to spell my name with a y in future. Poetic license. Ha-ha! I shall not advertise the change in the Times. But I think it looks more literary with a y. Act the First. Scene the First.

asked John

Mary. The

ious man, Laurence, in fact I've not been to church si

y n

offend

aurence intoned. "If thy eye

said John. "You p

sting, my d

ry on the stage. Why, I'm even doubtful about Joan of Arc's vision of the Archangel Michael

e you'll not take unkindly what I'm going to say-but Joan of Arc can

he told the household that he was

here," he sighed, looking round a

t she hoped you'd had a comfortable journey and left these flowers, and Mrs.

John said. "Perhaps Mrs. Ge

ct she will," sai