Poor Relations

Road he would have taken refuge in it gratefully, for there was no atmosphere that preyed upon his m

d to his own lack of suitable fur rugs? Evidently last week the drama had been interrupted by the landlady because they had been spoiling her fur rugs. John was on the point of going back to Church Row and inviting the children to celebrate his return in a jolly impromptu supper, when he remembered that there were at least five more Sundays before Christmas. Next Sunday they would probably decide to revive the Argonauts, a story that, so far as he could recall the incidents, offered many opportunities for destructive ingenuity. Then, the Sunday after, there would be Theseus and the Minotaur; if there were another calf's head in the larder, Bertram might easily try to compel Mrs. Worfolk to be the Minotaur and wear it, which might mean Mrs. Worfolk's resignation from his service, a prospect that could not be faced with equanimity. But would the presence of Beatrice exercise an effective control upon this dressing up, and could he stand Beatrice for six weeks at a stretch? He might, of course, engage her to protect him and his property during the first few days, and after that to come for every week end. Sup

r welfare. He with his skeptical and curious mind, his passion for mathematics and hatred of idealism, and his unaffected contempt for the human race could not conceive a worse hell in eternity than a general practice offered him in life; but having married a vain, beautiful, lazy and conventional woman, he could not bring himself to spoil his honesty by blaming for the foolish act anything more tangible than the

a much smaller sum than it would have fetched a few years before. For a time he played alternately with the plan of setting up as a specialist in Harley Street or of burying himself in the country to write a monograph on British dragon-flies-for some reason these fierce and brilliant insects touched a responsive chord in James. He finally decided upon the dragon-flies and went down to Ockham Common in Surrey to search for Sympetrum Fonscolombii, a rare migrant that was reported from that locality in 1892. He could not prove that it was any more indigenous than himself to the sophisticated county, but in the course of his observations he met Beatrice Pyrke, the daughter of a prosperous inn-keeper in a neighboring town, and married her. Notwithstanding such a catch-he used to vow that she wa

hole of English literature after the eighteenth century with the exception of the novels of George Meredith. These he used to read aloud to his wife when he was feeling particularly bilious and derive from her nervous bewilderment a savage satisfaction. In her the critic possessed a perpetual incarnation of the British public that he so deeply scorned, and he treated his wife in the same way as he fancied he treated the larger entity: without either of them he would have

"perhaps Meredith couldn't have made him

s fault," James h

was left of James' method of applying gold lacquer to poker-work. There were also three or four family portraits, which John for some reason coveted for his own library, and a drawer-cabinet of faded and decrepit dragon-flies. Some bookshelves filled with yellow French novels gave an exotic look to the drab room, which, whenever James was not smoking his unusually foul pipes, smelt of gravy and malt vinegar except near the window, where the predominant perfume was of ferns and oilcloth. Between the living-room and the bedroom were double-doors hidden by brown

than he usually was of James' rooms, and he heard the gate of the fron

that he might have eaten and to partake of which he had not invited his brother and Beatrice. "Cold mutt

ith Beyle snoring on his lap, where he served as a

d without attempting to rise

ame back

nd the country for long. Remember what

ndly from trying to find it, thirdly from asking Beatrice where she had hidden the book in which it was to be found, and finally from not only reading it when the book was found, but als

s gr

s soon forget what it means to be busy. So you've had another success? Who was it this time-Lucretia Borgia, eh?" he

he critics," John observed. "Critics are like doctors;

sick state?" James

owever, don't let's begin an argume

and has gone to demonstrate it

gone to church? I went to

for?

I took George

say that you've g

brother exploded with

"But at any rate I wasn't fool enough to have any children. So you're

e's nothing I like bet

t mine-yellow as a horse's tooth. Have you heard my new name for your habit of mind? Rosification. Rather good, eh? And you can rosify anything from Lucretia Borgia to cold mutton. Now don't look angry with me, Johnnie; you must rosif

ohn, earnestly. "I admit that I gave up writing realistic no

can write a realistic novel-or any other kind of a no

must talk about books, talk about your own, not mine. Beatrice wrote to me that you had something com

n't. I h

about them? Their day ha

hat they were a pretentiou

ax Nordau

Johnnie, the rascals took themselves seriously and I'm going to smash them on their own estimate

t even French literature can

run, though in the eighteenth century it followed a fairly decent coaching-road. Modern English literature, ho

oral elephants had taken

pipe over Beyle in a gust of c

um horse-laugh! British humor! Ha-ha! Begotten by Punch out of Mrs. Gr

ok without flying into a rage," John said, mildl

ng. But to repay politeness by polite

" John declared. "Have you

hear me reading the proofs to Beatrice. You should really have the pleasure of watching her face, and listening to her comments.

she is," Joh

laughe

ccess. You treat the British public with just the same gentlemanly gurgle. And above al

half the misanthropist

shbones to amuse my landlady's children, and wasn't I a doctor of medicine without once using my knowledge of poisons? I

become the wives of publicans. On Sundays she wore a lilac broadcloth with a floriated bodice cut close to the figure; but she was just as proud of her waist on weekdays and discreet about her legs, which she wrapped up in a number of petticoats. She was as real or as unreal as a cabinet-photogra

in a voice rich with welcome.

the flowers, Beatrice. Th

e livin'. You're goin' to stay to supper, of course? But y

eople leave out their final "g's"; so Beatrice saved o

h poitry since he read it out to me. Don't light another pipe now, dear. The girl's gettin' the supper at once. I think you're lookin' very well, Johnnie, I do in

ds," John put in hastily to fore

a dull sermon

d a request to spa

d begun to think you'd forgotten all about us," she rambled on, turning archly to John. "I know we must be dull company, but all work and no play, don't

eard," he

rather good, did

ssented, warmly. "Though

a joke. I know you must work a bit. Here comes the girl with supper. You'll

m whence she could be heard hu

ting marriage, are

lor shook

he was about to say "everything," but feeling that this would include his brother too pointedly he substitut

ss oils my palm, John, we'll mov

ke up-he had been going to suggest "anything except literature," but he had noticed James' angry dismay and had substituted "creative work." What had been the result? An outburst of contemptuous abuse, a violent renunciation of anything that

you're honest-who does admire Stendhal, Turgenev, Flaubert and Merimée, who recognizes the perfection of

ons," John had replied. "I tried to write realis

urmured, "you wouldn't stand

ded generosity. But these occasional lapses-as he supposed his cynical brother would call them-were becoming less and le

ination, that the sourness of the cream came as a natural corollary; anything but sour cream would have seemed an obtrusive reminder of housekeeping on more than two pounds twelve shillings and sixpence a week, including bones for the dog. John was convinced by his sister-in-law's mood that she would enjoy a short rest from speculating upon th

e cream is really sour. I find it delicious, but I daren't ever eat more than a few figs. The cream,

ut up with custard-powder on Wednesdays. But if we don't have cream

ar what I was saying when I broke off in defense of the cream, wh

trice that next time you have supper with us she should experiment not only with fresh cr

s in at me about veal; but if I get vea

o wrench the conversation

and with our nephew and our niece." He slightly accentuated the pronoun of

her to do? Beat

hat Eleanor will be away on tour, and I thought that if Beatrice could be my guest for a week or two until the governess has re-created her nervous system, which I understand will take about a month, I shou

" his sister-in-law cried. "Tha

ou'd better take her b

that would be splendid. I'm

n't be long packin'. Fancy lookin' after Eleanor's two youngsters. I've o

ance," John jo

re much for youngsters

nd laughe

he sneered, "without deliberately creatin

g pat for her husband's round shoulders. "Only the idea comes into my head now and again t

away," James muttered. "But

look for a taxi at once," John sugg

t-so many years had it obliterated-was seated in the taxi; John was half-way

It can't bring me in less than fifteen guineas, but it might not be published for another three months. I can show you the editor's letter, if

ks very much for-er-releasing Beatrice, I mean-helping me out of a difficul

oss it,"

n the dank murkiness of the ca

mean to say he's jealous, because he's not; but still I dare say he sometimes thinks that he ought to be where you are, though, of course, that doesn't mean to say that he'd like you to be where he is. But a person can't help feelin' that there's no reason why you shouldn't both have been where you are. The trouble with Jimmie was that he wasted a lot of time when he was young, and sometimes, though I wouldn't say this to anybody but you, sometimes I do wonder if he doesn't think he married too much in a hurry. Then there were his dragon-flies. There they all are falling to pieces from want of interest. I

rehearsal of the bolero in the room over the library John was able to put in a morning of undisturbed diligence. Beatrice took Viola for a walk in the afternoon, and when Bertram arrived back from school about six o'clock she nearly spoilt her own dinner by the assistance she gave him with his tea. John had a couple of quiet hours with Joan of Arc before dinner, w

mes but Beyle the bulldog, who had, if one might judge by his behavior, as profound a

tested. "Look at him now; he's upset the paper-bask

, steering himself with the kinke

t," his master explained

it, you brute, will you. I say, do put him downstairs. He's going to worry it in a minute, and all agr

ly he turned the dog out of the room, and John heard what he f

e landing. What ever Beyle had been doing, he was at rest now and smiling up at John from the front-door m

s shouted, i

not in that way. But she's not used to

ay with me, if that'll be any con

e?" his brot

nodded

n't spare Beatrice any more easily than you could spare Mrs. Worfolk. I've bee

aging the children magnificently. I've hardly known

hly endowed with comforts as yours. You'd bette

ise?" John pleaded. "Why don't yo

wo children careering all over the place? I dare say they don't disturb your plays. I dare say you can't hear them above the clash

ink, while Viola practised the fandango in the library preparatory to dislocating the household by remov

t James tries to scoff at married life I shall tell

is being responsible for them. If by chance George proved to be really ill, which he did not suppose for a moment that he would, he should take matters firmly into his hands and export the children to Ambl

hey went to the dancing-class together and did not try to assume diabolic attributes in exchange for the angelic position she had forfeited. John was allowed to gather that Viola's c

ke a little lady," Maud had in

oyed tak

bout with anyone so lady-like. Several ver

, Maud, d

ernoon reached him he wondered if the

he accorded to her tales and by his appreciation of an album of fam

" she assured John, "as long as he i

ncourage him,

here's the use in filling up a child's head with Latin and Greece. Teach a child to be a heathen goddess and a heathen goddess he'll be. Teach him the story of the Infant Samuel and he'll behave like the Infant Samuel, though I must say that one child who I told about God's voice, in the family to which I was nursema

him when he grew

It was God here, and God there, till I fairly got the jumps myself and might have taken up with the Wesleans if I hadn't gone as third housemaid to a family wh

een a great chang

there's nothing new under the sun. But good gracious me, fellows who make up mot

t there came a letter from Janet Bond to beg an earlier production of Joan of Arc if it was by any means possible, and John looking at the infinitesim

our father wants you back in Earl's Court, so it will be your last opportunity of enjoying yourselves for s

"Have we got to go back to rotte

ing to live here alwa

was a voice brimming with reproaches for their lack of filial piety, but whic

affirmed, "we like bei

uch a thought gave him, and when he spoke again it was almost roughly, because in addition to being suspicious of their sincerity he was vexed with himself for displaying

rrow is definitely our last day. So choose your

up on Sundays," V

o," Bertram opinionated

have shunned the proposal with horror; but with Bertram and V

ned himself. "Yes, and I must beware of

it the Zoo immediately

ertram cried. "There won't be nearly t

bout ou

n eat

ions. I much doubt if a human being can eat at the Zoo, unless

tained. "Anyhow, I know you can

adventurously; and the childre

Bertram announced in a grave voice,

hat possible," John demurre

tram severely correc

of the beas

imed, incredulously. "He'

by her uncle's ignorance

ou to-morrow," B

John admitted, humbly. "And any other friends of y

he ichneumon," Viola

intments. It's just as well you're going again to-morro

Bertram, bitterly. "It

Bertram gave the chimpanzee a brown marble instead of a nut

back at me like anything. But I swopped the marble on Monday with Higginbotham Minor for two green co

juvenile Lord Elgi

did

arbles, just as you did the chi

the Zoological Gardens were closed to take them directly home and not be tempted to swerve from his determination:

for the fact that they were both new beasts to the children. There was an argument with the keeper of the snake's house, because Bertram nearly blinded a lethargic alligator with his sister's umbrella, and another with the keeper of the giraffes, because in despite of an earnest plea not to feed them, Viola succeeded in tempting one to sniff moistly a piece of raspberry noyau. If some animals were inevitably missed, there were several welcome surprises such as seeing much more of th

who was tired out and had somehow got his cigar-ca

ts' House," Bertram cried, and Viola clasped her ha

for you three minutes, and then I'm

as he had promised. When they did not catch him up as soon as he expected,

ndered, when he entered the Small Cats' House to drag them out. T

o children?" John

e Small Cats' House,

repeated Joh

d a little girl in here, but they've been gone some mi

ths through the dusk, looking everywher

eing shouted fro

he panted to a k

l o

ren are lost i

They must have gone

nto the street as he would have herded

lamented. "This is appalling.

station, left their descriptions, and directed