Poor Relations

ty. He had often enough lost such articles as sovereigns, and matchboxes, and income-tax demands; but in the disappearance of these he had always been consoled by the knowledge th

st children-and by the way an uncle came into that-was The Babes in the Wood, in which story they were neither caught nor found, though certainly their bodies were found owing to the eccentric behavior of some birds in the vicinity. It would be distressing to read in the paper to-morrow of two children's having been found under a drift of paper-bags in the bear-pit at the Zoo, hugged to death not by each other, but by the bears. Or they might have hidden themselves in the Reptile House-Bertram had displayed a dreadful curiosity about the effect of standing upon one of the alligators-and t

d deprived him for a short time of common sense. How absurd he had been! Of course the children would be all right; but he should take good care to administer no less sharp a shock to George than he had experienced himself. He did not approve of George's attitude,

ugh, now that I have had time to think the situation out, I realize that there i

ilar degeneration that John could never escape from the reproach of George's insistent kinship. Many times he had been seized by a strong impulse to cut George ruthlessly out of his life; but as soon as he perceived that gibbous development of his own aquiline nose, that reduplication of his own rounded chin, that bull-like thickening of his own sanguine neck, and that saurian accentuation of the eloquent pouches beneath his own eyes, John surrendered to the claims of fraternity and lent George as much as he required at the moment. If Daniel Curtis's desire

by a bale of wool. When George and his deluded friend had tried the patience of the colonial housewives for a year by never once succeeding in procuring for them what they required, the partnership was dissolved, and George processed from undertaking to undertaking till he became the business manager of a theatrical touring company. Although as a business manager he reached the nadir of his incompetence he emerged from the post with Eleanor for wife, which perhaps gave rise to a family legend that George had never been so successful as when he was a business manager. This legend he never dispelled by a second exhibition of himself in the part, although he often spoke regretfully of the long Sundays in the train, playing nap for penny points. After he married Eleanor he was commission-agent for a variety of gentlemanly commodities like whisky and cigars; but he drank and smoked much more than he sold, and when bridge was introduced and popularized, having decided that it was the best investment for his share of Eleanor's salary, he abandoned everything els

sed HALMA: above the front-door of what was once number 200 the equally large gilt letters that made up HOUSE. The division between the front-door steps had been removed so as to give an almost Medician grandeur to the entrance, at the top of which beneath a folded awning a curved garden-seat against the disused door of number 20 suggested that it was the resort for the intimate gayety of the boarders at the close of a fine summer day; as Miss Moxley used to vow, it was really quite an oasis, with the plane-trees of the square for contemplation not to mention the noising of the sparrows and th

lt furniture symbolize anything more romantic than the competitive pretentiousness of life in a boarding-house that was almost a residential hotel. A blond waiter whose hair would have been dishevelled but for the uses of perspiration informed

as the appropriate setting in which to reproduce Jules Verne's Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea. The wallpaper of dark blue flock was smeared with the glistening pattern as of seaweed upon rocks at low tide; the window was of ground-glass tinted to the hue of water in a swimming-bath on Saturday afternoon, and was surrounded by an elaborate arrangement of cork that masked a number of flower pots filled with unexacting plants; while as if the atmosphere was not already sufficiently aqueous, a stage of disheartened aspidistras cast a deep-sea twilight upon the recesses of the room, in the middle of which was a jagged table of particolored marble, and

a rugged mantle of incandescent gas and calculating how much he would have

wam vaguely in his brother's direction while the other kept its fin

ve got very bad new

y away from the races and fixed h

ola are lost,"

rebe at 4 to 1-yes, my theory that you ought to back second favorites works out right for the ninth ti

made quite the splash it ought to have

d," he repeated. "Bertram and Viola

nd-favorite system. Ha-ha-they daren't, the cowards! Don't you bother about the kids; no, no, they'll be all right. They're probably hanging on

question of losing them for a few minutes or so. They have been lost now since the Zoo was clo

rge. "That's just the kind

night in the Zoo leaves you unaffected?" John

now," said George. "You really mustn't

notion of their wandering for hours

you to worry. Why worry? Depend upon it, you'll find them safe and so

dismiss

ugh I dare say a pyramid of twopences wouldn't bother

tes," John exclaimed. "I wa

ey involve me in far too many discussions.

ncholy illumination permitted; this was

nd that is why I have come to tell you that the police have bee

nked in a

?" he

sn't their luggage arrived? I had

up this morning. I've been overworking a bit lately, and Karl

nod

couldn't remember that I was expecting any luggage

sent their luggage back after

pportunity I get for a little peace. It never occurred to me whose luggage it was. It might have been a mistake; in f

n't keep them wi

blood, the plain fact might wake him up to t

ted, "Eleanor won't be home for another fi

will be at Earl's Cou

le you were in America. Stomachic, old boy. Yes, that's the trouble. And

siness, and I can't leave the children at Church Row. I'm sorry, Ge

down to the country

ely in your keeping, you can

place,

e's attitude had by now aroused his bitter disapproval, and he was determin

ola shouldn't miss her series of Spanish dances. She attends the dancing-class e

argued. "They're apt to disturb the other guests. In fact,

Crusoe," J

hey to

ous to know exactly what

od thing that none of my clothes are to be used, they are apt to borrow other people's. I must admit that generally people have been v

ave been a Sunda

oxley's parrot for Robinson Crusoe.

five pounds once,"

, yes, that was why I was so vex

't she lend

he strain of the children's performance, bit Major Downman's finger, and escaped by an upper window. Poor Miss Moxley was extremely up

s at Halma House k

ooked fr

e Mrs. Easton would object to a calf. She even objects to dogs, as I had to tell James the other day when he ca

nd calves. Bertram and Viola, howeve

me for a calf. Why, it's preposterous. Yes, you've been sp

George; but you'll be able to correct that w

looked

had to be after they lost the parrot and bu

able fur rugs," John chuckled. "So

t on, "that she's-well-the fact is, they can't

you owe her?"

of an engagement all the summer and had a wretched salary at the Parthenon while sh

ting a traged

've got my own room here and it's uncommonly difficult to find a private room in a boarding-house, so I thought we'd stay on here till Eleanor's tour was over. She intends to save thre

her?" John demanded

ut twenty pounds-it m

orge's calculations, and rang the bell, which fetch

ostulated. "You see, I never consider that my

with whoever should answer the unwonted summons; but John firmly int

rge repeated in terrified a

ng more divinely calm every moment in t

the door like one of the minor c

" it asked

e down to Mr. Touchwood's sitt

niffed and

For instance, if I hadn't got the most marvelous tact, I should never have kept this room. However," he added more cheerfully, "I don't suppose for a moment that she'll come-unless of course she thinks that the ch

hough the gossip of a long line of attenuated spinsters had evolved a rich apocrypha. It was generally accepted, however, that Halma House was founded partly upon settlements made in her favor long ago by a generous stockbroker and partly upon an insurance-policy taken out by her late husband Dr. Easton, almost on the vigil of his death, the only successful op

assuming an air of Grandisonian courtesy. "

mmered for a moment in her fierce eye; if he had been alone wit

ast sentence better, he hurriedly blotted the check and with a bow handed it to the proprietress. "No doubt," he added, "you will

mning the ambiguity of the English language waited in some embarrassment for Mrs. Easton to reply. She was by this time so s

t children will be children. We oughtn't to forge

d, "you will be glad to see them when

rders at once,

emed to detect in it a kind of reproachful formality; but he th

the fire," Mrs. Easton exclaimed, evi

en admiration and disquietude told his landl

e answered as grandly as if she had conferred

the gallant male she tucked away the check in her bodice, where it looked as forlorn as a skiff

at half-past seven," she pause

ne again. "You ought to have taken up the commission business and I ought to h

Your wife's current account wasn't fl

on," George declared. "She

at, George," he added, "because we must go out and inquire at all the police statio

't. I must think of my health. Dr. Burnham who's staying here for a congress of medical men has given me a lot of advice, and as he

police statio

r been to a police station? They're most uncomf

r coat," Jo

ge s

if the kids are in a police station, I think it would teach them a dashed good lesson to keep them there f

ave-beens of the race course had kindled in his breast the fire of a reformer; George must be taught that he c

uble," he declared, "if y

d," George agreed.

ned with i

x terrier. But, don't you see, a dog is dependent upon its collar, wherea

r wear your

e to go all the way ups

e hall, and John longed to prod

ilitary appearance, who was practicing golf putts fr

know my brother, don't you? Yo

with the major and toi

aw a play of your

ally as the major might

f Nineveh,

dly worth while differentiating between Nin

ere a good deal of talk about the scan

"We had to save on the dresses wha

jor, wisely. "But I'm

show his appreciat

fact. I play golf every Sunday

George would be q

in much for the

't y

By gad, yes! But it was better, I think, in my

end enchantment,

ece, though. I remember there was a scene in which the uncle-or it may not have been the uncle-no, I'm wrong. It was at the Strand. Or was it? God bl

nearer to the heart of his reminiscence, and unless he escaped

gain. "I'm confusing two pieces. That's what I'

I see my brother coming downstairs. Good-by, Major, good-by. I should like

e to-night. Don't you be afraid. Yes, it's on the tip of my tongue. On th

ell rang; when George opened the door for John and himself to pass out, they

of relief. "Well, you've given us a nice hunt," he went on with an indignant scowl at the

room Bertram and Viola sto

s, except in church. To begin with, the nerve they've got. Well, I mean to say, when any one packs up some luggage and sends it off in a taxi, whoever expects to see it come back again almost at once? It came bouncing back, I do declare, as if it had been India rubber. 'Well,' as I said to Maud, 'It just shows how deep they are, and Mr. Touchwood'll have trouble with them before the day's done. You mark my words.' And, sure enough, just as I'd made up my mind that you wouldn't be in to tea, rat-a-tat-tat on the front door, and up drives my lord and my lady as grand as you like in a taxi. Of course, it give me a bit of a turn,

rrupted Viol

o Church Row. 'But your uncle intended for you to go back to your father, Mr. George, in Earl's Court,' I remarked very severely. 'We know,' they says to me, laughing like two hyenas. 'But we don't want to go back to Earl's Court,' putting in a great deal of rudeness about Earl's Court, which, not wanting to get them into worse trouble than what they will get into as it is, I won't repeat

o support Mrs. Worfolk by an exhibition of avuncular sternness he could only smile at his nephew and niece. Indeed, it cost hi

stay with you,

stay with you,

in the Small Cats' House. B

ad to," ec

back with them," interru

" John agreed. "Oh, unquestionably!

m and Viola to follow

good children and stay quietly at home. We shall mee

e fifth of November. I'd have made old Major Downman muc

ave done that. Though I can understand the te

going to buy Miss Moxley a p

h some emotion. "That shows a fine spi

hen with what you gave V we'll

ried John, turnin

on't it, Uncle John?"

an upper window like the parrot

Worfolk had gone back to Hampstead, John told his

had a strange letter from Mama this week. It seems that Hugh has got into rather a nasty fix. She doesn't say what it is, and I d

e been doing now?" a

fuse to do anything about it. Why should he come to you to get him out of a scrape? You've done enough for him, in my opinion. You mustn't let people take advantage of your good nature, even if they are relations. I'm sorry my kids have been a bit of

cided. "You're not keeping anything from m

to-night," George promised. "Hugh is living with his frien

ere to-night,"

the front door when

w there's a medicine called Easton's Syrup? Well, I thought ... don't

oor of Halma House behind him. "Fatuous, that's what George is,