Josh Billings on Ice

Josh Billings on Ice

Henry Wheeler Shaw

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Josh Billings on Ice by Henry Wheeler Shaw

Chapter 1 JOSH ON ICE.

Having herd mutch sed about skating parks, and the grate amount ov helth and muscle they woz imparting tew the present generashun at a slite advanse from fust cost, i bought a ticket and went within the fense.

I found the ice in a slippery condishun, covering about 5 akers ov artyfishall water, which waz owned bi a stock company, and froze tew order.

Upon one side ov the pond waz erekted little grosery buildings, where the wimmin sot on benches while the fellers (kivvered with blushes) hitched the magick iron tew their feet.

It waz a most exsiting scene: the sun waz in the skey-and the wind waz in the air-and the birds were in the South-and the snow waz on the ground-and the ice lay shivering with a bad kold-and angells (ov both genders) flucktuated past me pro and con, 2 and fro, here a littl and thare a good deal.

It waz a most exsiting scene; I wanted tew holler "Bully" or lay down and rool over.

But i kept in, and aked with glory.

Helth waz piktured on menny a nobell brow. Az the femail angells put out ov the pond, side by side with the male angells, it waz the most powerfull scene i ever stood behind.

The long red tape from their necks swum in the breeze, and the feathers in their jockeys fluttered in the breeze, and other things (tew muteh to menshun) fluttered in the breeze.

I don't think i ever waz more crazy before in mi life-on ice.

For 2 long hours i stood and gazed with dum exsitement.

I felt like a kanall hoss turned suddinly out to grass.

I didn't kno how tew proceed.

Az one ov the angells, more sudden than all the rest, cum flying down the trak, 3 lengths ahed ov her male angell, awl eyes ware gorging with her heavenly bust ov speed; she seemed tew hav cut luce from earth, and waz bound South, for the Cape ov Good Hope, when awl tew onst, with gorgous swoop terriffick, down-crumbling into a limpid heap she went with squeak terriffick, a living lovely mass ov disastrous skirt and tapring ankle.

Awl gathered around the bursted angell; but lo! in a minnitt's space, her wings agin was plumed, and evry feather waz in its lawfal plase; and on she fled laffing like wine thru its buteous blushes.

I had saw enuff-more happyness than belonged tew me-and az i sloly wended back tew mi home at the tavern i felt-good.

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I died on a Tuesday. It wasn't a quick death. It was slow, cold, and meticulously planned by the man who called himself my father. I was twenty years old. He needed my kidney to save my sister. The spare part for the golden child. I remember the blinding lights of the operating theater, the sterile smell of betrayal, and the phantom pain of a surgeon's scalpel carving into my flesh while my screams echoed unheard. I remember looking through the observation glass and seeing him-my father, Giovanni Vitiello, the Don of the Chicago Outfit-watching me die with the same detached expression he used when signing a death warrant. He chose her. He always chose her. And then, I woke up. Not in heaven. Not in hell. But in my own bed, a year before my scheduled execution. My body was whole, unscarred. The timeline had reset, a glitch in the cruel matrix of my existence, giving me a second chance I never asked for. This time, when my father handed me a one-way ticket to London-an exile disguised as a severance package-I didn't cry. I didn't beg. My heart, once a bleeding wound, was now a block of ice. He didn't know he was talking to a ghost. He didn't know I had already lived through his ultimate betrayal. He also didn't know that six months ago, during the city's brutal territory wars, I was the one who saved his most valuable asset. In a secret safe house, I stitched up the wounds of a blinded soldier, a man whose life hung by a thread. He never saw my face. He only knew my voice, the scent of vanilla, and the steady touch of my hands. He called me Sette. Seven. For the seven stitches I put in his shoulder. That man was Dante Moretti. The Ruthless Capo. The man my sister, Isabella, is now set to marry. She stole my story. She claimed my actions, my voice, my scent. And Dante, the man who could spot a lie from a mile away, believed the beautiful deception because he wanted it to be true. He wanted the golden girl to be his savior, not the invisible sister who was only ever good for her spare parts. So I took the ticket. In my past life, I fought them, and they silenced me on an operating table. This time, I will let them have their perfect, gilded lie. I will go to London. I will disappear. I will let Seraphina Vitiello die on that plane. But I will not be a victim. This time, I will not be the lamb led to slaughter. This time, from the shadows of my exile, I will be the one holding the match. And I will wait, with the patience of the dead, to watch their entire world burn. Because a ghost has nothing to lose, and a queen of ashes has an empire to gain.

Chapters
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Josh Billings on Ice
1

Chapter 1 JOSH ON ICE.

06/12/2017

2

Chapter 2 SUM NATRAL HISTORY.

06/12/2017

3

Chapter 3 LIVE YANKEES.

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4

Chapter 4 LINCH-PINS.

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5

Chapter 5 GOOSE TALK.

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6

Chapter 6 JOSH BILLINGS

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7

Chapter 7 JOSH CORRESPONDS FREELY WITH 3 FELLOWS.

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8

Chapter 8 MONOGRAFFS.

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9

Chapter 9 HONESTA IZ THE BEST POLISY.

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10

Chapter 10 GREAT AGRIKULTURAL HOSS-TROTT.

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11

Chapter 11 JOSH BILLINGS DEFINES HIS POSITION.

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12

Chapter 12 COLD PIECES.

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13

Chapter 13 LETTER FROM JOSH BILLINGS.

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14

Chapter 14 WISDUM CHUNCKS.

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15

Chapter 15 BILLIARDS.

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16

Chapter 16 JOSH BILLINGS RIZES.

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17

Chapter 17 BILLINGS ON PILLS.

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18

Chapter 18 JOSH IN SARATOGA.

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19

Chapter 19 SUM VEGETABEL HISTORY.

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20

Chapter 20 JOSH REPLIZE TEW CORRESPONDENTS.

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21

Chapter 21 LIST OF HOUSEN TEW LET.

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22

Chapter 22 LAUGHING.

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23

Chapter 23 LYING.

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24

Chapter 24 PERKUSSION CAPS.

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25

Chapter 25 ONE WEEK FROM MY DIAREE.

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26

Chapter 26 AMERIKAN ARISTOKRASY.

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27

Chapter 27 LOVE.

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28

Chapter 28 THE GAME OF YEWKER.

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29

Chapter 29 NOW AND THEN.

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30

Chapter 30 OATS.

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31

Chapter 31 WATERFALLS.

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32

Chapter 32 POLITENESS.

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33

Chapter 33 DREAMS.

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34

Chapter 34 JOSH CORRESPONDS.

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35

Chapter 35 NUZE CUTS FROM OUR EXCHANGES.

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36

Chapter 36 DEAD BEATS.

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37

Chapter 37 SPRING-MAY, 1868.

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38

Chapter 38 HARTES.

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39

Chapter 39 MONOGRAFFS. No.39

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40

Chapter 40 JOSH BILLINGS AND THE LEKTUR COMMITTY.

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