Forbidden For Both

The fear that he will hit me again makes me feel terrified, I hear his voice, as he calls my name over and over again. I can't open it, I don't want to open that door. Tears adorn my cheeks, I am in the living room of the apartment in a hidden corner and covering my ears, but that does nothing because his screams do not stop, from one moment to another the door opens and he enters.

I see his gaze and panic. Because that look full of fury is dedicated to me. All the anger that lives in his eyes will end up discharging it in my body. I know it.

"So here you are, little fox," he says as he approaches me with a macabre smile. I have nowhere to turn back, so my head shakes in denial.

"Please Benjamin, don't hit me again," I beg to cry in a vain attempt not to make him do it. He smiles looking at me with that malice that I hate so much.

Before I can blink his hand hits my cheek making me turn my head a little from the great force he used, it burns, it hurts and it only makes more tears run down my cheeks.

"I told you very clearly, idiot," he approaches, grabbing a handful of my hair, making me moan in pain. "You respect me by hook or by crook ... bitch." If I want you to do something you just do it - his breath is mixed between mint and alcohol making me feel dizzy - now I'm going to teach you to respect - I look at him stunned.

"No, no, no, no, I beg you for what you want the most, I promise you that I won't do anything to make you angry again, but don't do it." He drags me to the apartment room and throws me on the bed, He takes off the strap of his pants and then the rest until he is naked in front of me, I buy inertia back in bed, but he is more skillful and takes me by the ankle, pulling me towards him.

"You're going to enjoy it, little fox," he whispers in my ear and I feel horrible nausea.

"Leave me!" I cry crying, but he hits me again with a fist in the stomach making me a little unconscious, but I beg to be unconscious so as not to witness what he will do to me. What he has done to me so many times.

"You're going to like it, I said," he kisses me forcibly down my neck to the valley of my breasts, I just close my eyes and wait for everything to end.

I am pressing my knees to my chest as I silently cry. The apartment room looks terrible, but I know that I do much more. Benjamin hit me in hidden places where my clothes can cover and no one will know that he is hitting and abusing me. I dry my tears and get up, walk to the bathroom, take off my clothes and go inside. The water makes contact with my skin and mixing with my salty tears I only wish one day never to wake up. He changed so much, he is not the simple boy who conquered me.

The typical story of the handsome, attentive boy who conquers you and then becomes a real beast. This is my history. I met Benjamin when I was 20 years old, I still remember that day.

I was walking in a hurry, it was my second year at university and I was late for the class I had, I ran through the corridors and collided with something or rather with Benjamin/ when I looked at him I blushed, Benjamin was or rather he is very handsome. With that sweet smile on her lips, playful mischief in her eyes, she had me from the first moment.

Benjamin Peterson, a handsome twenty-three-year-old man. Black hair that makes a beautiful match with her light skin tone. Her pretty lips, her brown eyes. Benjamin was the dream of many college girls.

"Are you okay?" He asked me and my worst mistake was answering.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled for him to believe me, though his strong torso made my nose ache.

"Well, I think you should go to your class, you seem to be late." He smiles again as if waiting for something and that's when I remember I was late for my class.

"God, bye," I yell and run away.

As I regret having responded that day, it was better to keep quiet and ignore him, after that event Benjamin and I met more often. Months later he proposed to me to be his girlfriend and I was enchanted by the boy who gave me flowers and chocolates. The one who always watched movies with me said yes, very happy. Our relationship was beautiful, it was the relationship that I read many times in the romance novels that I once read. That enchanted me.

A year later he was behaving weirder, I was always jealous of anyone, even my friends. It got to a point where he started forbidding me things, like going out. He began to question the way I dress, everything. He was crazy, at that moment I knew I had to end my relationship with him, but I didn't count on his threat. I was a fool who didn't see any signs until that day came.

I was sitting on the furniture in my house waiting for Benjamin to arrive, I was nervous and there was no one at home, that's when they ring the house bell, I get up and open the door.

"Hi, Benjamin," I said with a smile that seemed more like a grimace. I no longer felt so comfortable with him, deep down I knew I was a little afraid of him.

"Come on" he pulls me by the arm making me walk towards his car, he gets me up and then he gets in, starts the car, and starts it, later we get to his apartment.

"What did you have to tell me, Allen?" He speaks with a smile that gives me the creeps, but not the good kind.

-You see, Benjamin, I have thought about it a lot and the best thing for both of us is that this ends - he only limits himself to look at me - you are acting badly and I no longer want to be with you- Benjamin advances towards me and I back off - I don't think the most It is convenient to continue in this way, it is time to cut this because it is not healthy for either of us - I end up saying swallowing dry at their proximity.

-You are going to be with me whenever and wherever I want - he grabs my hair making it hurt and I protest - you're mine, if you break up with me your beautiful family will pay the consequences - he approaches and kisses me forcefully, I try to get up, but he tore up my dress - now let's enjoy.

I come out of the bathroom remembering him always makes me nauseous. That was the first time he attacked me like that, since then he does it whenever he wants. I'm afraid of him, trying to oppose him almost caused my little brother's death because Benjamin is crazy.

He forced me to move in with him in his apartment. Since then I am this woman who prefers death to continue living the days in such a dark and gray way.

I no longer remember the happy woman I once was, all I have is pain inside me and scars that I don't know if they will ever heal.

I fall asleep and wake up early. That is my sad routine. My body aches, I bathe and put on a long pink skirt and a white blouse, also wide. I use things like that trying to make Benjamin feel very disgusted by me and not touch me anymore. I make a bun like the one my grandmother wore and put on makeup, I look in the mirror and I hate to see what I have become, this is not even the shadow of the girl full of life and joy that I was.

I look at Benjamin and he's still asleep, damn it. I go out and get in my car towards my work, when I arrive the women and men of the company look at me with disgust and fixed that I do not care, although there is a little pain inside me. I get on the elevator and when it opens I go to my office which I share with my only friend.

"Hi, Diana." She looks at me and smiles, but then her smile disappears.

"Did she do it again?" I nod and tears threaten to come out, she hugs me and starts cursing Benjamin even in languages ​​she makes up.

"Please don't cry, that bastard has to pay for what he does to you" I nod and feel better, Diana is the only person who knows what Benjamin does to me.

"Davis" calls me a co-worker who looks at me with disgust and hates me for no reason.

"What's wrong, Frida?" I ask with my arms crossed.

-You disgusting - he laughs and I feel Diana by my side who will throw herself at him like a beast - God, seeing you makes my eyes hurt - he laughs and leaves the bitter taste of his words in me.

"Don't listen to him, Allen" Diana tries to make me see reason, but everything is impossible, the pain is inside.

"She's only telling the truth." I look at her with tired eyes.

"That's not true." He tries again to make me the reason.

"Yes, it is!" I raise my voice, surprising her. "I'm dirty, I'm no longer worth it, I hate looking in the mirror, I'm disappointed in what I see." He has taken it upon himself to destroy me, just ... I don't want this anymore. She was a very happy girl, very vivacious, she marked me for life, I will never be that young woman who smiled, the one who dreamed, I am just her negative shadow - I finish speaking.

"I hate that that damned bastard does this to you and I can't do anything, denounce him." I walk away from her as if she had said the biggest stupidity in the world.

"That won't happen, we'd better go to work," I propose, changing the subject.

"Okay," he sighs.

"Diana," I get her attention, her brown eyes waiting for her to speak.

"Yes?" He looks at me sweetly.

-I love you very much, sister of another mother, you don't know when I adore you, you are one of the most important people in my life, I want you to be clear, you are and will always be my best friend. The one who is with me through thick and thin, the one who advised me, the one who supported me, I adore you, Diana, do you understand that? "Her arms wrapped around my body giving me a tight hug.

"You too, Allen," she whispers and pulls away.

"We're going to work so they don't fire us." We both laugh and get to work.

****

After a long day at work, my day is over, I go out and look for my car, get in it and turn it on, my watch shows the time, 18:00. The sun is beginning to set. I change the course of my destination and take it to a park with a beautiful lake, park my car and walk among the people to the high and beautiful bridge of the park.

From here I can see the beautiful landscape that this place has, I look down and see people being happy, why can't I? I can see couples taking photos with smiles that only in my distant dreams can I see, couples kissing, children running, ladies chatting animatedly, I feel jealous that they can be happy and I only suffer. I walk until I find the farthest place on the bridge where I look down and there is only a beautiful lake, there are no people near it, without thinking about it I go out and stand facing the edge of the bridge.

There comes a time in life where you do not care about anything, where the pain of others does not affect your heart, where you simply stop wanting to live, where you seek to disappear from this world without leaving traces, jump and leave the pain behind. Tears soon run down my cheeks, unconsciously I smile at the thought that it will all end. That I will no longer receive the punishment for something I have not done, I do not want to think about my mother or my brother. I don't want to imagine them crying for me, I don't want them to remember me as the coward who couldn't fight her hell, but unfortunately, I'm not that strong.

Even the strongest get tired of fighting against the current, of feeling cold while others receive heat. Then and it is then where I realize that I am going to jump, maybe in another life my body will not be my ordeal, so many years of pain make me lose, I am a warrior and soon a fallen soldier. I would like to see my family one last time and tell them that everything will be fine, although I know it will never be.

It is then where I jump, the fresh breeze of the sunset welcomes me as I fall, I enjoy that feeling of freedom that for many years was stolen from me, the one I longed to feel. The water of the lake covers all my skin and the oxygen is gone, the water is cold, a cold and lonely place to die. I do not fight to try to rise to the surface, although the water begins to enter my lungs, I remain there, still, calm, soon I feel that I no longer have any oxygen, that I no longer breathe, that I am dying very quickly, alone, in silence, and very mysteriously ... In peace. Goodbye painful life, that's my last thought before delving into divine darkness.