My Naive Surrogate

I stamp my imprints on the cold floor, my head throbbing with rebounds of immense pain. My eyes are overflowing pools of tears. I can't even see well despite the orange lanterns illuminating my white-themed room. My eyebags are bulging out so heavily from all the crying.

How long has it been again?

Four days?

Yes! Four days that feel like an eternity of an inferno of heart-wrecking pains. Four days that I haven't eaten nor stepped out of this room. For days of pure crying, moaning, but not even all that crying has been able to alleviate this pain. Four days that I haven't dared to even breathe the outside aura, but now I want to.

Descending through the stairway, I can only hearken to one irritatingly paralyzing voice echoing in my ears, stroking through the shuttered barricades of my heart - dreadful lull. Silence. And it sucks! It stings! It is banging all the corners of this house and surging in me so savagely as if to mock me, reminding me that despite my loathing towards it, it is, and will be, my only companion from now on.

I curse this life! I curse this shit they call fate! And if there really is someone perched on the throne of heaven, as they say, I don’t know what to think of him.

I drag my wasted, dejected self outside, meeting with the darkness as it overtakes the light. Now this rhymes my actual state - my whole entirety is clogged with dearness. The light left my life a long time ago, that is, if there ever was any light in my life.

I shuffle my feeble legs through the darkness, wandering to the backyard just behind the house.

Three graves stare at me!

More tears flow!

Pain stings twofold!

All the energy leaves me abruptly!

I find myself slamming to the misty grass before the graves.

My whole family is all gone - gone for good.

Life is cruel! Fate is cruel! Everything is just cruel to me!