Daily life of Loveless Desire

Hi. My name is Agnos Esha Agape Vashti, no I'm not of an exotic descent, and neither am I a celebrity daughter but my parents went a little loco with the naming book and decided to name me; desire, love and beautiful woman, which I am not. At least my surname Agnos could describe me, as an over six foot female at just eighteen with everything large, I can see why my surname is this.

My father is a giant, no, large man. Everybody in his family is, very talk, Goliath level. I don't really like him, and neither do I hate him. This day, I just tend to ignore him because I don't even have time for myself.

My mother is the best thing in my life. During my delivery, I almost killed her, because I was very tall from birth, and even though I am the third child, I made her bleed a lot, so I try to keep her from worrying a lot. I think she is the only one that makes me feel a lot of emotion.

I have an older brother, Princeton. He is seven years and 27 days older than me. Yes, in my house, we do take age seriously, you will know about this later. My brother does not stay with us, he is done with college and stays in the southern part of the country, I live in the west. Before he went to college, he used to be normal. Though we were not very close, he was like a normal boy who played a lot and other boy stuff. The sudden ‘manly’ growth he had when he got to college confused me, suddenly, he became ‘cooler’, does not want the world to know he came from a poor family and well… embarrasses us in public. The thing won't hurt me, because I don't really care about people, but my mom is feeling it a lot because they used to be close and now they cannot relate… because of my sister.

Towards my sister, Rebecca, I have mixed feelings. You know the part about my family being poor, yeah. My family was so poor that my mother had to give her to her elder sister to raise because they could not afford it and I was on the way. (note: her elder sister is a bitch but then again, everybody is a bitch to me except my mom.) So my sister basically grew up rich, since that family took her like their last born. I will admit, I was jealous of her when I was younger but as I grew older, I discovered that roses are not so rosy( is that the correct term?) And I felt more apathy( or is it sympathy? Bitch English is not my first language!!) But even though I understand that her life is not so easy and she is growing through something I can't possibly survive in( since I'm a lazy, antisocial bitch with a demonic tendency to want to unalive anybody that makes me take off my earphones.) She still grew up and has rich kids' privileges, not to mention she is beautiful, short, smart, sociable, has ass, beautiful, did I mention how beautiful her ass shape is( yes, I'm among those girls that unluckily, grew up with toasts as ass but it is okay. I am surviving.) She meets THE beauty standards and has people running after her. Unlike me who will drink water and gain weight, it is like she has total control over her body and loses weight anytime she wants with ease. We grew up so differently that I don't relate to her and that affects us a lot because sometimes she will be talking and I just want to sock her mouth.

Since my brother's college(and where he resides currently is in the state she is.) My brother who also wants the rich kid's vibe became closer to her and they became cool kids, his IQ also dropped, I swear and now, we are enemies (no I'm the enemy to him. He probably doesn't know about this one-sided annoyance I have towards him, which he is why he is always trying to make me call him.)

I had a younger brother, he is a sore spot in this family. May 23rd will never be a good day again, to think such an incident was 5 days after my birthday. We were very close, he was my confidence. Since I lost him, I think I grew emotionally and became more adult-like than I was. He was five years younger than I was and was the sunshine of the family. He was a very big attention whore( I think it is a thing for people born in the month of March) I wish I could see him through middle school, have a girlfriend and shit like that. To think he was just seven and to date, his disease does not have a name. Fuck poverty!!. Enough sad stuff.

Hello. You can call me Eva( since it is an anacronym of my name), Agape or Esha. I am an eighteen years old girl who live in Nirvana, west Africa. Yes, I am black. No, I do not have a pet lion. Yes, I am single. Yes, I am a kpop stan( I swear Ateez, Stray kids, itzy, aespa and Enhypen will be all I stan, Amen.) Sometimes, I am happy, most times I am mad, sad, or just cold.

My life has not been going how I want it to but I am still surviving and I think that is all that matters.