Cruel emotion

Abu Dhabi 2005.

Present time.

My extraordinary wedding was a dinner party for my husband and his father's business affairs from the wealthy class, that particular class I grew up in and enjoyed its bliss, but I was forcibly swiped from it by a jinx that knocked on our door, and it seems that it was a rather strong lot; the house was demolished on our heads.

I wore white as well, but with some qualms about my new position; I was no longer an adolescent, but a lady of today. The dress that I had waited for years and dreamed of was not inclined this time to princess dresses with a huge circular skirt, decorated with diamonds, the dream of every girl, because the bitter reality was the cold and fast reality; like a ready-made and tailored dress that I bought from a huge retail store, in a large shopping mall, it is bleak, silent, steadfast in front of hordes of devotees of diverse nationalities and species.

My mother had never seen her so happy until today. My mother is not like any other mother, no matter how cruel she was. She was not happy with the marriage of her only daughter, nor was she happy with the consequences of that marriage; Because she is a black-hearted spiteful woman, her happiness can only come through money, and I was the key to the treasure.

My father-in-law or uncle, I don't think he ever glanced at me, despite the fact that I am also his means of controlling his son or my husband, but he despises me for my unintended past. Only my husband has given me a compassionate look before returning to his guests, his friends and girlfriends, who glance at me endlessly, and with a polite disdain for becoming the next princess of the kingdom above all else.

They drink toasts in my honor and swallow colorful beverages from glasses. I blindly imitate the flock, as is my wont. I had never consumed wine before, but I got my reward, and I vomited everything I had drank onto the napkin I had scooped up in a rush. The alcoholic drink scorched my tongue, irritated my throat, and took my breath, as if blocking my nose's airway would allow my spirit to soar into the sky.

"She is as thin as a butterfly. Have you ever seen a butterfly that drinks wine before?!"

My husband said that to calm the ambiance that had become tense as a result of my severe coughing and difficulty breathing on my lungs after consuming alcohol for the first time in my life.

My body shuddered as I felt strong fingers along my waist that belonged to my husband..

My husband put his arm around me and stabbed me in the chest illegally. I guess he was trying to reassure me by holding me, but it didn't work since I've shrunk in myself and my little body anyway, as if I'm vanishing between the fences of my bones - God, I'm humiliated.

My husband's first touches on me fueled my rage and dislike to everything, including parties and marriage, and he; the husband.

My white dress was stained with scarlet drops of alcohol, and my mother's strenuous attempts to clean the traces of drink from my clothing with her handkerchief, after she soaked it with soda from her glass in front of her, were in vain, so my husband advised her to save the trouble:

"Don't worry, Auntie... I'll take her dress off anyway."

Then he placed a light kiss on the side of my forehead, and left me dying. As for my beloved mother, she laughed at my husband’s pornographic joke, with the rest of the party-goers, dinner, wedding, or whatever happens to add to the burdens and increase the licenses that I feel by myself and my destiny without the help of anyone.

Invisible; this is what I have felt since I left Egypt, but my transparency has increased today. My husband is always and forever in the path of the eyes. He is tactful, cheerful, stylized and eloquent in words, and every trait follows an extreme self-confidence that walks alongside him in miniature.

My special beauty, which I always envied, was not noticed by party-goers; my expensive dress; And my natural silk hair or a wig that my stylist added to my head on my mother's orders, I've been at the helm since I left Egypt.

The party ended well for everyone but me. There are different feelings that cover me for a thousand leagues under the water and stop me from breathing.

My husband and I went up to the room where we were going to spend our first night while he said goodbye to his friends with his wide smile. I get my share of his smile, then he takes my right hand and we leave each company while he says:

"Unbelievable, as if we were still children, they wanted to follow me into my bedroom with my bride."

He looks at me, specifically at my high boots, with contemplation, then turns to me and says with some seriousness:

"Can you run in this shoe?"

"Why?"

"Can you?"

"I guess."

"Let's go darling."

We hurry together until we get to the elevator before his friends chase after us, but they're close, and they might catch us. However, he pressed the elevator's closing button and waved goodbye to those who tried to accompany us in the elevator as well, just for the sake of sarcasm, as he repeats.

The same smile again was mine alone. Then he says:

　　"I really can't believe it.. the last time I saw you, you was like this."

He pointed with his hand up to his knee, which means that when I was six years old. I denied what he said when I said:

-"No, the last time you saw me I was in high school and..."

He interrupted me:

　　"Yes, yes.. My stepmother bought you an ugly doll.. When you saw it, you got very angry."