Half of a year

"...... Can't wait to see you grow

My little dabria

To see your long silky curly

Black hair ....."

Ooo dear, I'm all grown but till feel little

I was in great joy indeed

But I didnt know I was on a timer

On earth.

Just wish I wasn't born than to see

My self in a grave.

All through my life I always wish for things I know I couldn't get. " I wish for gold,fancy life , me living in a Manson, driving fast cars...all those things " that what they all say but we forgot to ask ourselves this important question " are we going to live to our expectations are we going to touch those golds we desire are we going to wear the silvers we imagine on our necks.

I'm always a spectator when it comes to all those talks I usually thought I could join them but I just can't when I know I'm still in a life or death situation so why give myself such hopes that I will not meet those dreams. I will really love to live that kind of life but death has drain my spirit.

Enjoyment is not on my agenda my joy has been taken away from me. You may wonder why I'm talking like this well is quiet visible I don't have cancer in case if that is on your mind I'm suffering from a disease called CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE which is also know as HEART DISEASE. Is not all disease or illness that has cure but for cardiovascular disease I need to do surgery, catheters procedure, medicine (obviously) heart transplant which is over a million dollars.

Mum is fully ready to cure me, dad struggles to find people who can help me, he found but for us to figure out that it was a scam, they ran away with our last money we had we were stranded I felt like our position was because of me I hated myself and God for this life he gave me.it came to an extent that the doctor advised me to kill myself if it becomes worst and unbearable.

How can he say such a thing he is met to heal and give people hopes not break them at their last peak of life. I understood him told me to be prayful and take my drugs daily not to over think my situation. He said he was still going to search for donation programs and apologized for the last scam and assured us. My parents were still determined for my cure I felt like a burden placed on them.

We don't even have a hundred thousand dollar on us right now this broke me down into million pieces and while he was talking but his facial expression was saying something different like I could tell he was lying in some extent. How will I take my last breathe, where will I fall and be put to sleep and most important what will be my last words will it be "I LOVE YOU" like in the movies.