NO PAIN NO GAME Hi, I'm called Caroline and this is my story on how pain became my best friend. Growing up in a family of nine is an experience no one will enjoy in any life time. Having a narcissistic dad and very toxic mum, not to talk of my siblings I hate to love. Did I mention I was adopted, not technically but this wasn't my family by blood and not by choice either, this was the family I just had to accept. Always sacrificing and never getting appreciated for. As time went by, I became more aware of my place here, sad but true. I prayed every day for saving, Lord see me through for I trust you. Thinking that day had come when my mum told me I was finally going to meet my real family. The joy and excitement was one I couldn't describe and was going to be the last in a long while. Clueless and naïve I trusted this woman who has never for one shown me love. I can believe she sold me off for comfort. Furious but scared and frightened for my new owner was the devil you could try to picture but never imagine. Living with this pain as a reminded every day of my life. Abused and molested, an object not to be subjected to being a person. Can this just be a dream. A prisoner to life and a slave to pain. I can swear the heavens shut its eyes and ears on me. I must have been so bad in my previous life to have experienced this. Waking up in a strange apartment in new clothes wasn't something I had a plan. Was I sold again? Why are you surprised I asked myself while I looked around. This place looked so different, very calm and peaceful, somewhere I will love. There he comes to have a taste of his new meal. Why the pause though? Why is he calm? The silent scared me. A young man holding a tray of breakfast staring at me in a way no one has ever before. His eyes brought me comfort. This was my escape and freedom. I couldn't let go of the past. This man thought me how to be strong and I took this to my advantage to cause pain on anyone who came my way, living to kill before getting killed. The world was a jungle and I wasn't going to be eaten. I've never seen anyone display so much toughness and love at the same time. I was falling in love with the image in his eyes for he was the only one who understood me. Love was never in the plan and will never will I thought but this was where I felt safe. I gave in unknowingly and we became the mafia couple hated by all but in love with each other. Here comes an unexpected twist, he was the son of my owner, my abuser, my satan. I swear this must have been their plot to snatch life from me in the worst way. How can I love this man again? I made new rules and new plans for revenge. He was my tool for revenge, I had to use him regardless of my emotions. First I had to get rid of my family and then him, satan. He helped me well with all my plans unknowingly so I thought. I couldn't hurt him still, regardless of my plans. He was my end. A romantic dinner I planned on a secluded island to do the deal. I wrote a letter and left behind willing everything to the poor and my workers. This couldn't fix the harm I did but I hoped it brought some joy to the ones who read. He stared at me with those eyes now filled with tears. He had known all along but he didn't stop me. This was the answer to my prayers but I was to blind to see. Too late now for we had both drank the poisoned wine and help was never close. " I love you and will always do " he whispered as I made I silent prayer " Lord, forgive me for I have sin. No one is to be blamed but me. Here is the answer to what I asked but I didn't see. Now I know you love me and wanted me to experience it here on earth. I'm not worthy to be in heaven but wherever I go can I keep this treasure with me to remind me of you. There will always be pain in the game so I chose to end the game and release the pain. Thank you for this last moment". It was now the end of what could have been. MY END AND ME.
Chapter 1 MY STORY
This is my story, about a young girl who never gave up on life and had dreams so big that she believed life had the best for her. Trusting God so much that she knew his plans were favorable...
Hi, I'm called Caroline and meet my best friend, PAIN.
I grew up in a family of nine, with parents so rough and siblings so insecured. I lived hoping to find love and comfort but not here because I was not of them. Some adopted to be loved while I was adopted to work, more like slavery for love. My family was not my blood nor by choice, this was a family I had to accept because I had no one else.
My dad being a narcissistic cheat will make attempts on me but thank God I was saved by my toxic overbearing mother who only showed love for her kids. She always poured her frustration on me from the anger she had for my dad. I mean, you can't blame her but why am I the one to suffer.
At fifteen, I had done all sort of jobs to keep my family happy, education was far from me but I thank God for making me pushful and so I learned to read and write on my own and from watching my siblings study. This made my siblings very jealous and things became harder. I had no friends to comfort me or encourage me, just God who watched from above.
One day, I summoned the courage and ran away from home, not because it was planned but because I had enough and was scared of going back home. One of my own, who I called brother finally assaulted me while our mother watched. I thought she would save me this time, it just turns out she is comfortable sharing her son not her husband. Oh, what toxic love can do. I had to leave for it was unbearable and a failed attempt as I was returned back home by my mother's best friend. The pain and the hurt, why did I think the world will protect me when my own family doesn't.
It's my sixteenth birthday and I was very hopeful for I was closer to freedom but my mum had other plans. She celebrated my birthday for the first time and I thought, this was it, this was change. She told me I was finally going to meet my family. OH HAPPY DAY! My prayers of saving have been answered. How clueless and naïve was I, everyone knew but me. That day I felt joy for the first time and the last for a long time to come.