Ginger And Rage

Tear-stained cheeks, my mascara was now an ugly smudge after being ruined with all the crying I had been doing for the past hour. I could not recognize myself as I looked through the mirror. The more I stared at myself the more the tears kept coming. I could hear them in the next room. Their moans enraged me and made me feel like throwing up. I retched but nothing came out. 

Disgust is what I felt.

How foolish was I to believe both of them? I felt like a complete fool. I had known the truth but now the difference was that it had left my heart shattered and at that moment I thought to myself maybe sometimes the truth does not matter if it will end up hurting someone ...

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Moving states had never been in my plans. I always wanted to stay in my hometown forever but… some circumstances were unavoidable. 

Maybe I could forget everything by changing my routines and my daily views, but that sounded like a lie even in my head. 

Everyone needed a fresh start once in life... Especially when things never go your way. In my case, things went pretty sour and I needed to get out or else I would drown in the past. It was like I was fighting my past self like I was looking deep into a well. If I don't look away, I will be swept by the darkness of the abyss.

I knew they all wanted me gone; my mother and my brother, the two I never wanted to feel that way about me. My mother always says there is always a perfect time for everything; when I was invited to California, it was as if the perfect opportunity has presented itself in front of me to escape my life and be someone else. I want to believe I was ready to live it.

Going through my daily routine I took a quick shower and now what I despised I had to look through my mess of clothes to get dressed. I choose some sweatpants a hoodie, and my white converse. If you already guessed I am a boring person. I lived alone and checked my clock if I didn't hurry up I'll be late and I don't want to be in detention later I've got work to do.

I grab my keys and go towards my car. In less than fifteen minutes am in the school parking lot. I study at the University of California majoring in biology science,pppttff genius right I know what you're thinking well that's the case but according to the people I meet daily in the hallways, I sometimes think am in the wrong place they don't look like they are supposed to be here or am the one in the wrong place. I grab my satchel bag from the backseat ready to start my day. As I lock my car I hear the well sweet annoying voice of my deskmate.

"Heyyy Ella", Soffie screams

"hey and can you please lower your voice you'll give me a headache" I retorted back at her

"Don't be mean I know you like me you just pretending not ", she said I don't like her I just enjoy her company. I know am being a bad"friend" but I have had enough disappointments in my life from friends and am tired of all the friend's crap. I just continue walking ignoring Soffie but I can hear her rumbling about how my heart is cold.

Cold huh I think I a mentally ill or something I have weird conversations in my head okay well am weird that explains it then.

I can't hear what Soffie is saying beside me because am lost in my thoughts I have like fifteen minutes before my class starts. Looking back at how my life was before I came to California I just have some rules