My Pretty Husband

BUSHMEAT! My love for it is not here. I often look towards buying it in abundance whenever I travel from Lagos to East or East to Lagos. The peppery way those women around Ondo Express spices theirs are my attraction. A reason I usually board private vehicles from Ikeja 7Up toll gate, Lagos or Asaba toll gate, Delta State.

At Asaba that fateful Saturday morning, I stood at the Toll Gate in search of a vehicle to board, a driver I could cajole to stop at J4, after Ore where I could buy the meat. There were scanty passengers but plenty vehicles, this gave most of us room to select which vehicle to enter.

Then, a Nissan Altima drove and parked at my front, the driver made a gesture to ask if I was going to Lagos. I sized him up and nodded my head distantly. At the front of the car sat a fine ebony lady. “Bros make we look for one or two other passenger’s make we move." The driver said as I negotiated price with him, dropped my bag and entered.

Suddenly, a lady cat walked past the car. She wore a short gown, had a mini traveler’s bag, a gold plated handbag and nylon. My mouth let loose. 'How possible could one person be this tall, this fair, this curvy and this beautiful? No. She could only be a Mami Iwota.'

I argued with myself and ran after her.

"Please! Sister, are you going to Lagos?" She turned, nodded her head in affirmation as I pointed at the car to her. “How much?" She sang. “The drive said 5K." I responded, embarrassing her with my glued eyes flirting on her.

"No ooh. I am looking for a cheaper vehicle; I don't even have enough money with me." She continued to sing on her calculated and enduring smiles. Her skin glittering against the shimmering sun. “How much do you have?"

"3K!" She said without thinking twice. I uneasily collected her bag; she held it firmly in protest. “I will borrow you 2K."

"No ooh, I don't want to owe any stranger."

"My name is Ikenna, I don't want to be a stranger to you." “She smiled and said Mr Ikenna, I honestly don't want to borrow from you, neither do I have more than N3k to pay."

"OK, I will dash you 2k." She hesitated, sized me up, let loose her bag and followed me.

The driver saw that I had hustled a passenger, rushed out, opened his boot, I dropped her bag, and she entered. We stayed for a while, the driver said, "old boy abi make we de move?" I nodded my head and he engaged his gear, we drove to Lagos.

As we entered Northwest Petrol Station, the driver made a sign for payment, the girl brought out N3k, tossed it to me, I added 7K, and we bought petrol and continued our journey.

"My guy, I beg, you know that place them de sell bushmeat?" I asked the driver.

"J4 nah." He answered. “You go help me stop ooh, make I buy meat." He adjusted his inner mirror, looked at me and began to laugh.

"Na weitin I just de discuss with my babe say we go stop there to eat meat." The driver said.

"We have identical and mutual craving. Na my guy you be I swear." I said teasingly.

"Wait ooh, are you in Man-dealers, Lagos Island?" The driver asked me, his eyes began to flirt on IJ as she whipper her name to me. He conspicuously adjusted the car's inner mirror towards her. But for his babe at the front, I would have told him to concentrate less we have accident.

Obviously he was carried away, just as I was. Who wouldn't be? Even the driver's babe was carried away as IJ presence violated my concentration. “I stay in Balogun market, Gbajumo to be precise." I answered him carelessly.