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Oh, slag. Oh, slag. Oh, slag.
I’m stupid. So slam stupid. I’ve always been reckless. It’s always been one of my biggest flaws. I barrel in with my head down and just explode all over everything.
Why the void did I not think of this?
As our ship aims for the gutted, dark planet that is Isroth, my entire body breaks out into a cold sweat.
Cyrillius is galaxy-famous for being the only person who can somewhat control the Kinduri and employ them. He has thousands of them here and on Gara Lune. As Valen said, if they touch me, they’re going to know my plan.
If they touch me, they’ll know I’m a Nero. And Cyrillius knowing I’m a Nero will be so much worse than him torturing me for plotting his murder.
He’ll use me.
Just like he’s used Valen.
My heart is threatening to beat clean out of my chest and smack right into the view port window. It’s nearly impossible to close my eyes and search for calm.
I needed more training. I may have made up for solars’ worth in the three lunars I was on Salypso studying under Zara and Kyril, but I need more.
I don’t know if what I’m about to try to do is even possible. But I have to try, or my life is over.
With my eyes closed, I let myself spiral down into my own mind. I reach out into my own brain. I comb through all of my recent memories.
You have to do this, I whisper to myself.
I don’t know if this is even possible, myself argues back.
You have to do it.
I find my memories, all the recent ones, like they are books on a shelf. I picture myself taking them, one by one. I take them to a vault in the center of myself. One by one, I set them inside.
I start from the beginning: the day Dominion came to Korpillion. I take the memory of my escape to the Airspace. I take the memory of seeing Valen for the first time. I take the first time I used Neron that day.
I take all my uncertain thoughts and fears about being a Nero, and I put them in that vault. I find my conversations with Valen, and put them inside. I take the time he came to me on The Corsair and the best moments of my life when I was in his arms and my lips permanently promised themselves to his, and I store them away, safe.
I find every moment of my time on Salypso and every second of my training and tuck it away.
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