Royally Desired

I can hear everything from where I stand; the insults, the snide comments, the accusations, the backlash, the loathe in their voices, everyone hates me. In their minds, I’m a bad omen, the one they should avoid at all cost.

I blink back the tears that were already forming in my eyes. I should be used to this by now. It’s been twelve years of constant torture, twelve years since I’ve been reduced from the gamma’s daughter to the smelly pack maid that I am now, twelve years since the worse night of my life, but the memory is still freshly inscribed in my head, it still feels surreal to me.

“She’s so pathetic,” I hear a familiar female voice say.

“I wonder how she’s still able to live with herself,” another one added.

“That’s why she would never have a wolf. She doesn’t deserve one,” another voice.

I could either stand here and listen to all their gossips or just walk past and pretend like I didn’t hear them. I chose the latter, that’s what I do every time. I have to pretend like their words don’t get to me but it cuts through my skin each time.

As I walk past, the girls turn to stare at me, their eyes following my every step but I pretend not to see them and just go about my business. I picked up my books from my locker and turn to leave, all the while I could feel their eyes on my back.

“Looser, ” Bella says loud enough for me to hear. Bella is my biggest nightmare, she’s the beta’s daughter in my pack and also one of the hottest girls in my school. She’s tall, with blonde hair and the fairest skin. Her nails are always neatly done and she walks like she owns the whole school.

Again, I ignore her and just storm out, walking as fast as I can to avoid hearing any other thing they have to say. I have to be back at the pack to finish up with the work I started this morning. I’m going to be screwed if Miss Anna finds out I haven’t pressed all of the clothes she asked me to. Miss Anna is in charge of the daily cleaning of the pack, she’s also a pain in the ass.

“Hey Tee, ” I know that’s Layla, the only friend I have in the whole world but I ignore her and continue walking fast. I’m in a pretty bad mood. “Tiana!” she says loudly this time and I halt in my tracks. She catches up with me almost immediately.

“Are you alright?” she looks at me with concern in her eyes. I wonder why Layla is even friends with me. She’s the only one that sees me, she’s the only one that still treats me like a person, she’s one of the few that doesn’t blame me for what happened twelve years ago.

“I’m fine, Layla, ” I say dryly.

“No you’re not. You are letting them get to you again, ” She walks beside me. It’s almost an hour on foot from the school to my pack but I’m used to walking the distance and in fact, I enjoy it. It’s during this time that I get to be alone with my thoughts, except the days Layla chooses to walk with me, which is almost every day anyway.

“It’s hard not to, ” I murmured.

Layla sighs loudly “It wasn’t your fault, ” she reminds me for the thousandth time. I don’t need any reminder though, I’ve taken the blame already, and I’m learning to live with the guilt, but it’s too much. It’s all too much for me and I miss him.

Oh, sweet Jayce, he would have defended me if he were here. We were just kids, but we had been inseparable. He was two years older than me but you would think he was at least ten years older. At that young age, he would get into little fights because of me, even with his twin brother Jordan. Jayce would have been the alpha if what happened didn’t happen, if only we had not wandered that far, if only…

“Tee!” Layla shakes me again, bringing me back to the present “You’re drifting off again. This isn’t good for you, ” she says.

I blinked severally, then looked away “We should never have gone that far, and I could have saved him..”

“You were barely six years old. What could you have done? Stop blaming yourself, ” Layla gives me her usual speech but I’ve been blamed for the past twelve years that I now consider myself a killer.

Myself, Jayce, and Jordan had gone too far into the woods that day. It wouldn’t be the first time we would be playing in the woods but on this particular day, It had rained heavily and the grounds were slippery. My dad usually leaves me with the luna when he goes on his duties. I never knew my mom, she left a few months after birthing me and it had just been me and my dad.