All Men are Ghosts

moment I have no clear recollection of the complicated journey, with its many ch

plainly visible to the traveller from whatever side he made his approach, had been erected on the roof. The sky-sign carried the legend "No Psychologists!"

ous dogs, and for some minutes I stood before the gates, wondering if it would be safe for me to enter. At last, remembering how several

drive I saw notice-boards projecting from the barberries and the laurels, each with some new version of the original theme. "Death t

psychologists

dle ha

ot hesitat

hrust through an open window in the upper storey; and the man behind the weapon was unquestionably Panh

moment later he grasped me warmly by the hand, "Welcome, dearest of friends," he was saying. "Yo

understood we were to be alone. I have come for one purpose only,

was still present, knowing from long experience how dangerous it is to sp

ank with you at once. This house is haunted; and if on consideration you find your nerves unequal to an encou

chance has come at last, I am not going to run away from it. But I confess tha

; for I perceive an indication that the first ghost has already entered the room an

rdening had absorbed my attention and filled me with wonder. Presently I said, "Panhandle, I cannot refrain from asking you a question. I observe that in your style of gardening you have embodied an idea which I have long cherished but never

sely for a few seco

r than my own. But I would never have guessed that it was yours. Anyhow, this particular idea, no matter what its origin may be, is admirab

rstand one another so completely at this point, there is another at which I confess you bewilder me." An

een the scene of a tragedy. The tragedy is the explanation of the sign, and it is essential you shoul

have one st

as highly flattered by the result. The man, having completed his investigation, came to the conclusion that my religion was destined to be the religion of the future, and went up and down the country announcing his prophecy. But the strange thing was that as soon as we all knew that this was going to be the religion of the future it ceased to

mpensations in t

e, or the footprint of one of its exponents on the greensward, would instantly cause a general exodus of my ghostly visitors, and thus deprive me of the company which is at once the solace and the inspiration of my declining years. On all such intrusions I decree the penalty of death, being fully de

future after all?" I asked, more sarca

livelihoods should be procurable by the scientific analysis of religion. Had I the power, I would make it a penal offence to publish the results of such inquiries. As it is, we must prote

his pocket quite the most formidable

. Looking up, I saw to my amazement that the former legend had disappeared and a new one was gradually forming. "Change the conversation," were the words I read when the swaying letter

find none, and I was embarrassed by the pause. There was nothing for it but to break out suddenly on a new line. But in the sequel I was ast

es Dickens to the effect that writers of fiction seldom dream of the characters t

of the principles of your philosophy, that characters created by imaginative genius, such as Hamlet or Faust, possess a deeper reality than beings of flesh a

so, and adhere t

than George Washington is at least as capable of being interested in

ng me into a t

s implications. Nor could a better means be found of introducing the revelations I am about to make as to what you may expect in this haunted house. It was your good genius who led you to this topic

which abhors introductions as fiercely as Nature abhors a vacuum, and I beg you to leav

l-a remarkable error for so gifted a man. But it may astonish you to learn that they return the compliment by having no belief in the reality of their reputed creators. It is more than possible, after what you have said, that Mr Micawber, who has now become a philosopher, will appear to you during your stay in the house. Tell him by way of experiment that his creator was a certain Charles Dickens.

betray no astonishment at anything he might say. So, as

means you have managed to ascertain the views

vel of a mere elegant opinion. By a course of spiritual exercises carefully devised, into which I shall presently initiate you, I have placed myself in direct communication with these personalities; and so successful has the discipline proved, that intelligent intercours

l my efforts to ke

t initiate me into those exerc

. You will be haunted by Ideas in every variety, all of them living organisms of high complexity, and all more or less ignorant of whence they come or whose they are. Possibly you will encounter your own ideas among them; and I must warn you against claiming to be the author of any of them, even the most original. There is nothing that offends them more deeply. They have their own notions as to their origin, which they conceive to lie in something infinitely superior to the brain of a being like yourself. By many of them their reputed authors are treated with contempt; some deny the existence of these 'authors' in any capacity whatsoever; ot

surd!"

I assure you that after passing one night in this house you will find that not

you the most illusive of beings, while some, as I have already hinted, deny your existence altogether, or treat you as a highly questionable hypothesis. With several of your leading Ideas I hope to make you personally acquainted this very night. To convince them of your identity will be no easy matter, and the most vigilant circumspection will be necessary on your part. I counsel an attitude of uttermost modesty; anything else is certain to give them the impression that you are an impostor. Betray, then, not the least surprise on finding yourself treated by your own Ideas as a being of little importance to their concerns. Above all, you must not expect them to take more than a passing interest in your brain. Your best course is to avoid all reference to that topic. 'The brain' is seldom, if ever, mentioned in the best circles of the spiritual world-to which circles, I assume, your leading Ideas belong. You must never forget that in the realm of Ideas class distinctions are rigidly observed; there is an aristocracy and a proletariat, with all the intermediate grades; and many

this," I said, "you will have to tu

p shall be taken this very instant. Begin the exercises b

speaks to me I

ery formula they taught me when I first entered a

manner. But let us keep to the matte

nous, and I will not embark upon this enterpr

Among the ghosts who haunt this house are beings far mightier than any I have so far described. For a long time their identification baffled me, until one night

sophies, or systems of thought, which in their earthly state accounted for the exi

n high authority that no philosophy is complete until it has explained its own presence in the universe? Having neglected thi

them succe

my own, are hospitable to their presence. For it is a rule of the realm to which they now belong that so soon as

ese ghosts beyond the possibility of cavil.

eator, that being, as I have said, the central and absorbing interest of all these spirits. But again let me implore you to be on your guard against claiming to be its author. To inform such a ghost that it originates in a human intelligence, and that intellig

ce," I cried; "I need an interval for silent meditation." Then, in a voice so low that he could not hear me, I repeated to myself the Formula

of Spencer, for example, believes its author to be absolutely inscrutable; that of von Hartmann suspects a Professor, but declares him to have been unconscious of what he was doing. Pessimism, again, ascribes its beginning to a desire on the part of the Primal Power to give away the secret of its conspiracies against its own subjects; th

en in their higher existence the system

nd, and some of the ghosts in consequence live the life of invalids. The ghost of Evolution, for example, will appear before you in a deplorable condition. This ghost has recently learnt that it is suffering from an Undistributed Middle, a disease unamenable to treatment, being proof even against the Method

pparition. Heaven grant that the ghost of my own philosophy may appear! And yet, in a sense, I am disappointed. You promised that you would furni

nwhile, I give you my solemn pledge that you

ot refrain from starting. What could he mean? A

uspect that I shall never see the ghosts until I have passed to another world. I believe t

e swung round in his chair a

are not dead now, and already passed

y Panhandle that I begged the question in every one. My ingenuity was taxed to breaking point, my voice was exhausted, the sweat was pouring from my brows, when, once again, from the upper airs where the sky-sign was swinging, I heard the same fluttering and

e it