All Men are Ghosts

ck of the head, seemingly located at an exact spot in the cortex of the brain. So long as the back of his head was tingling, every horse was completely at Scattergood's mercy; he co

se-sense happened to be in abeyance. Before he had time to take in the situation, Meg joined the rushing tide, and for the next forty minutes the field was led by the first Systematic Theologian in Europe, who had given himself up for lost and was preparing for death. And killed he probably would have been but for two things: the first was the fine qualities of his mount, and the second was a literary reminiscence which enabled him to retain his presence of mind. Even in these desperate circumstances, the Professor's habit of talking to himself remained in force. A friend of mine who was riding close behind him told me that he distinctly heard

rmer to m

has just gone up the la

ofessor Scattergood-on

I reckon he's a clergyman

e

And what do you think I hear him say when he come through last Thursday? 'John Scattergood,' say

e words were not his own. They may have been used about him by some other person-possibly by his wife, who, people s

e country lanes refreshin' his memory in that way. He knows his missus will do all the refreshin' he wants when he gets 'ome. No, you'll never per

itable theory. He then added: "Clergyman or no clergyman, I'll say one thing for him-he rides a good 'oss. I'

e 'oss cost him a hundred and twenty guineas was entitled to use any languag

hom I am one, argue that the words refer to a long-past error of judgment in the Professor's life; more precisely, to the loss of Ethelberta. Others maintain that this theory is far-fetched and fanciful. The Professor, they say, was plainly cursing himse

On previous occasions her faults had been those of excess; but to-day she was erring by defect: instead of going too fast she was going too slow, and occasionally refusing to go at all. She would neither canter nor trot; it was with difficulty that she co

would dart down every lane and through every open gate, and now and then would stop dead and gaze at the scenery in the most provoking manner. Coming to a blacksmith's shop with which she was acquainted, a desire for new shoes possessed her feminine soul, and, suddenly whisking round through the door of the shoeing shed, she knocked off the Professor's hat and almost decapitated him against the lintel. The Professor had not recovered from the shock of this incid

helberta, but I can't allow you to act as she did. To be sure, Ethelberta broke my heart thirty-five years ago. But that is no reason why I should suffer you to break my neck to-day. We'll

naturally in these two connections only. In all others his voice was high-pitched, hard, and a trifle forced. Years of lecturing on Systematic Theology had considerably damaged his vocal apparatus. He had developed a throat-clutch; he had a distressing habit of ending all his sentences on the rising inflection; and whenever he was the least excited in argum

to the conclusion that the engagement must be broken off. And now I must once more risk my reputation for veracity; and if the pinch comes and I have to defend myself from the c

covered her former attitude of attention, and again reversed her ears as though awaiting a response. Taking in the meaning of her act with a swift instinct which he never allowed to mar his treatment of Systematic Theology, the professor said one word-"Ethelberta"; and the word had hardly passed his lips when something began to tingle at the back of his head. Instantly the mare broke into the gentlest and evenest

Professor sai

to change the

. You'll never get her

into the man's hand. "You make this mare answer to the name

his pocket-"Beg your pardon, sir, but there never was a 'os

ll you, and you won't regret

ft the stables, and presently the groom and his chi

later the

and biting altogether, sir. Why, the day before we give it her, she tore the

of them," said Pr

and she wouldn't knock a saucer over. I nivver see such a thing in all my life, and don't expect nivver to see such another! Wonderful's what I calls it! Though, since I've come to think of it, ther

d won ten times as much. Only, some fellow stole the winnings out of my

t o' bad luck a

cattergood, "ext

ver catch t

ght him within a ye

ey give it '

same as mi-the same as that man go

Scattergood had to extricate himself. "You see, Tom,

a sentence like that," said Tom. "But maybe he g

said Scattergood, "and the

ng this conversation with the sympathetic groom, and i

' So I goes and buys him a stick, and a beauty it were, too, made o' bog oak, and that 'eavy that I couldn't 'elp feelin' sorry for the wife o' the man as was goin' to get it on the top of 'is 'ead. 'All right, Tom,' says his Lordship as he jumps on the car; 'and give the reins a turn round the palm o' your 'and.' So off we starts, and we 'adn't gone more than four miles when three men springs out on us just like shadows. 'Look out, my Lord,' I shouts; 'there's three on 'em!' His Lordship, as was sitting just behind me, he hits out splendid, and I could 'ear his big stick going crack, crack on their 'eads. 'Well done, my Lord!' I shouts. 'Hit 'em, my Lord!' I says; 'give it 'em 'ome-brewed!' 'It's hittin' 'em that I'm after,' says he. 'I've made one on 'em comfortable. Tom, you're a great boy for choosin' a st

an old wound-though," he muttered to himself, as he rode away, "it n

' bin a warm 'un in his young days. Good-'earted, too. But why the old bloke shou

think as she was a little gel goin' to Sunday-school. But you'll never persuade me as she isn't foxin'

ou ever 'ave a sweetheart?' 'Yes, my Lord,' I says, 'several.' 'Are they livin' or dead?' says he. 'I never killed none on 'em, my Lord,' I says; 'that's all I knows about it.' 'Treat 'em 'andsome, my boy, treat 'em 'andsome,' says he in the solemnest voice you ever 'eard; 'it's desperate bad luck on a man as has to do wi'