Torchy and Vee

' for my hat here the other noon, "you don't happen to be

. "I'm lunchin' wit

innin'. "In that

joke of ours maybe I'd better explain that who I meant

reen-eyed clerks on the tall stools started callin' him that when the War Department first turned him loose and he reports back to tackle the old job wearin' the custom tailored uniform with the gold bar on his

o hear him talk about the Aisne drive and the St. Mihiel campaign and so on you'd think he must have been right at Pershing's elbow durin' the whole muss, instead

be assistant chief, but at that he wasn't much more'n an office drudge. Everybody ordered him around, from Old Hickory down to Mr. Piddie. He was one of the kind that you naturally would, being sort of meek and

he was quick enough to resent anything if he thought it was safe. You'd see him scowlin' over his books and he carried a constant flush under his eyes, as if he'd been

w to ground arms without mashin' somebody's pet corn. But I don't think anybody suspected he had any wild military ambitions concealed under that 2x4 dome of his. Yet w

t that didn't discourage him. He begun taking correspondence courses, eating corn meal mush twice a day, and cutting out the smokes. And after a four weeks' whirl at the second officers' training camp he squeezed through, coming

dway. Once he was caught in a mumps quarantine just as his division got sailing orders, and again he developed some trouble with one of his knees. Finally Hartley threw out that someone at headquarters was blockin' him from gettin' to the front

rtin' heroes. In fact, he was just bustin' with it. You could see that by the way he walked, even when he wasn't sportin' the old O. D. once more on some excuse or other. He'd come swingin' into the general offices snappy, like he had important messages for the colonel; chin up, his narrow

im. "We've canned the Kaiser, ain't we

could invent a special occasion, out it came. He even got him a Sam Browne belt, which was contrary to orders, and once I caught him gazin' longin' in a show window at some overseas service c

He carried maps around, all marked up with the positions of our different divisions, and if he could get you to listen to him long enough he'd make y

of our infantry regiments. They'd been taught that orders were orders. It had been hammered into 'em. They knew that when they were told to do a thing it just had to be done, and that was all

Hartley," says I. "I w

ought every man should keep his uniform and equipment and be put on call. They ought to keep up their training, too. Might need some revisin' of regiments and so on, but by having the privates report, say once a week, at the nearest place where officers could meet them,

oulder straps and shiny leggins and maybe in time he'd h

work off on me for weeks, but I'd kept duckin', until final

ugh, Hartley," I insists as I joi

fé l'Europe

? Got the belt on too. All right. But I mean to wade right through from h

big room on the main floor, where most of the ladies are. And believe me, paradin' through a mob like that is something he don't shrink

lot of these returned buddies might have had about all the drill stuff they cared for a

rvice act will provide for that. Besides, it will do 'em

t you must have been about as popular with your compan

it clubbed into me from the start. If I didn't mind what I was told at home I got a bat on the ear. Same way here in the Corr

ross the table at an imaginary line of d

stacked on a hat tree nearby and one of 'em was wearin' some sort of medal. And from the reckless way they were tacklin' big pla

ld friends of mine, but pretty soon I decides that it's Hartley they're lookin' at. I saw 'em nudgin' each other and stretchin' th

in't yearnin' to hear someone yell 'Shun!'

ey, glancin' at 'em casual. "They

e cheese and demi tasse when I noticed one of the soldiers-a big, two-fisted husk-wander past us slow and t

ley, lookin' puzzle

, and one of the lot remarks: "I beg your pardon, but

was no accident he got to be secon

at that. "You've des

officer, too, I u

another. "He-he's out of

plan of his goes through he'll be back in the game soon." And I sk

elbow enthusiastic into the ribs of the one nearest him. "Wonder if we couldn't pe

y had trained so successful. I wouldn't care to state that they was hep to the fact that if it hadn't been for him they wouldn't have turned out

hours. It was almost touchin' to see how eager they was for all the details. Havin' been abroa

thoughts. You could see it shinin' in their eyes, even if they did let on to be chucklin' at times. So I gives 'em all t

reat pleasure, but I think we should defer it until the lieutenant can be induced

uld be fixed u

"But perhaps it would be better as sort of a surprise. Eh? So

confidential and shows me this note askin' him if he wouldn't be kind enough to meet with a few of his old co

speaking as a military man, I've seen no better example of a morale that lasts through. It's the discipline

ys I. "But what do the initials at

rtley, almost blushin'. "G

something, eh? Looked like a fine bunch of yo

ung Ogden Twombley as company secretary at one time. Yes, and I remember docking his le

ut where's this joint they want to meet you at? W

them interested in my Veteran Reserve plan. I'll have to make a little speech, I suppose,

t call on me for any remarks. How about this a

se," says Hartley, "if I wasn't in unifor

. D.'s, for he ain't such an impressive young gent in a sack coat. And the braid bound cutaway and striped pants he's dug out for the occasion makes him look more like a floor

gs they wore when they came off the transport. And to judge by the looks of a table I got a squint at behind a screen, they'd been doin' a little preliminary celebratin'. Howe

organization are quite anxious to know, first of all, if

s Hartley. "And as I

ow Gogs, we have before us a willing candidat

" they whoop

right worthy Buddies proceed to

her cheerful. "Four-seve

of ceremonies. Without a word or a whisper they proceeds to grab Hartley wherever the grabbin' was good and then pass him along. By climbin' on a chair I could get a glimpse of him now and then as he is sent whirlin' and bumpin' about, like a bottle bobbin' around

nd come out whole. It lasts until all hands seem to be pretty well out of breath and someone

says he, "what have you to rep

, "but we caught him t

ns. "Did he ge

he Buddie. "We suspe

kin' his head. "Candidate, what

is breathe hard and glare. He's a good deal of a sight, too. The cutaway coat has lost one of its tails; his hair is rumpled up li

" says he. "I-I'll make you

in terms unbecoming an officer and a gentleman. I would suggest that we suspend the ritu

gs out. "Let's give

nd my leave ticket read from 11 a. m. of that date until 11 p. m. of the 23rd. You knew who was waiting for me at the Matron's House, too. And just because I'd changed to leather

er me, lieutenant," says he. "I was Private Nelson, guilty of the awful crime of appearing at inspection with two grease spots on my tunic because you'd kept me on mess sergeant detail for

that, without givin' him a chance to peep, until each o

discipline," says he. "That's

a little of it would qualify you for the High

is the verdict, shouted e

ment. As an exponent of this particular brand of discipline you will see that no small item escapes you. Should you be so remiss, or should you falter in doing your full duty,

rtley is armed with an old bag and is being hustled out to the elevator. As they didn't seem to be taking much notice

der taxi-cabs and dodgin' cars to pick up cigar-butts and chewin' gum papers. So quite a crowd collects.

of banana peelin' out in the middle of the avenue. He got cussed enthusiastic by some of the taxi drivers who just grazed him, and

I did more or less grinnin' at some of Hartley's antics. It struck me, though, that he might be kind of embarras

e for gettin' curious," says I, "but when I asks Hartley what G. O. G.

ue's Overseas Grouches,' and our humble object is to rebuke the only taint of Prussianism which we have pe

sort of a sheepish smile at a buck private who's pattin'