Hushed In Darkness

"Ouch," I groaned in pain when my back hit the doorknob. I glared at my cousin, Franzine.

"What? Gonna fight back? Go ahead. Hit me. Just make sure I will never get to stand up to fight you too." She laughed as if she knew that I really can't do that.

Yeah, I don't dare to do that. I never have.

"What are you thinking? Thinking of complaining to your brother like what you used to? How? He's already dead-"

My hand flew in her face, slapping her. "You can insult and bully me but don't you ever involve my brother here."

Her face was getting red when she looked at me. "Did you just slap me?" She began breathing heavily and stepped closer to me making my heart beat faster and step back as if I still have enough space to do so.

"W-What are you going to do?"

She smiled evilly and grabbed me by my wrist. She was too strong that I could not even pull myself back.

She dragged me out of the library room into... the basement where no one could enter without her fingerprint.

"Franzine... Don't do this. Please..."

But she pushed me inside and locked me there. I was too weak to even waste my energy to try opening the door.

"You said I can insult and bully you. And now that I'm doing so, you're pleading to me to stop doing this?" I heard her say and chuckled. When her footsteps started to disappear, I knew I'm hopeless now and no one could save me from this torture and abuse she's doing to me right now.

Why did I do wrong? Nothing. Right? So how could she...

"Beverly, are you listening?" Mom suddenly asked when she noticed me, spacing out.

"Y-Yes..."

I don't know what happened next after Franzine locked me up in the basement but when I woke up, I was already here in the hospital.

"And what punishment should I give you for troubling your cousin? You did not even have a right to roam around in this house because this is not ours. Can you hear me? You, have not, a right!" She pointed her finger and glared at me before walking away.

Yeah, I was always who to blame even though I was the victim. Always.

She went outside and I was left alone in the room, still wondering what did I do to deserve these treatments.

Why me? Of all people? Why does it have to be me? Why should I be their daughter? I just wanna leave in peace! I don't want this. I never wished for this...

If only I could pass this kind of lifestyle to someone more willing to accept all of this, I would.

My eyes were pierced on my food. It's been months since that happened but it was as if something that never happened at all. They acted normally as if I wasn't... But I knew I had to act normally, too.

I carefully put down my fork and knife. I rest my trembling hands on my thighs and silently muttered, "Mom..."

But instead of paying attention to me, she cleared her throat, calling the mayordama. "Get me a wine upstairs. I'm already done eating." She then stood up and marched to her office.

I looked down and bit my lower lip, avoiding the eyes of Miss Sena, our mayordama. My grip on the hem of my shorts tightened, feeling embarrassed, and heavily sighed. I closed my eyes tightly and the moment I opened them, tears escaped from them.

No doubt. She already knew it. And I know that that was the reason for her silence.

I quickly wiped my tears off, stood up, and followed my mother upstairs to her office. Before I entered inside, I breathe in and out to ease my nervousness at least.

"M-Mom, I... I-"

"What?!"

"Ah!" I screamed when she grabbed a flower vase and threw it out to me. My body reacted fast but the small pieces of glass didn't fail to create a wound on my thighs.

"Why did you accept that project? Huh?! You knew how it could taint the image of the Triore family but you still accepted it?! You're a disgrace to this family! I never wanted to have a daughter like you! A brat who was spoiled by-" she stopped yelling at me and looked away when she was about to mention my late brother.

I looked down. My face was damped because of the tears, keep on falling uncontrollably. "Get out. I don't want to see your face who was the reason why my son died," she spat and darted her eyes at me as if I was a prey she's been waiting for to kill.

I opened my mouth but can't say a word. I almost stumble when I stood up and whispered, "Okay." I felt too tired and weak to explain my side from her accusations.

I wasn't shocked enough to see Miss Sena when I went out but I just ignored her and walked straight to my room.

My eyes immediately darted at the notebook containing my scripts for the play I just accepted and got my mother angry. I slowly walked into the edge of my bed and took it. I will be playing a mature role and I knew it will somehow ruin our family, her family, and my image but I accepted it 'cause I thought that refusing a big project will also make other people gossip about it. No matter what you do, people will forever gossip about you, whether it is good or bad. So what's the point of not accepting this? I even thought that it'd make her happy and proud of me for trying something new.

I scoffed. "But it turned out opposite..." I stood up and leaned on my window.

I sighed in disappointment... In sorrow... In loneliness.

I stared at the moon, shamelessly shining through the window even without the stars beside it. Tears started to build up again as I remember how shameless he is like the moon, to always protest to every argument I had with our mother. But now... It's all on me.

It's all on me. They all blamed me. For his death that... I also blamed myself. I know... I was the reason. I was the reason for the fallen death of her beloved son. But do they know how shameful I am every time I remember that? No. Do they know how I also suffered and even now from all of that happened? No. They don't know anything. And they won't spare their precious time for knowing that for it wasn't worthy of their time, making me feel that I'm not worthy at all.

They don't care about my feelings, my opinion, my thoughts. They don't care about me at all. They don't care about me to the point that I feel like I'm the real villain here. I'm just a mere villain who is trying to destroy their perfect family.

I'm sorry. It's my fault to be born into this family. I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry for not being perfect. I'm sorry if I always ruin the things you are building for your son. I'm sorry... if I killed him.

But even how I tried to divert, distract, or make myself happy-at least-the fact that he's not coming back anymore... That he's not going to protect me anymore...

I covered my mouth to stop from crying out loud as my knees fell to the ground for being weak.

The night was silent without my cries but still, no one asked if I'm fine.

"Attention! Attention! Everyone listen to me!" We all looked at our mentor, Professor Lincoln. "You can do this, everyone! You should do your best for your family to be proud of you. You should do your best to be on top. And always remember this, I will always be on your side!"

Some of the actresses teared up and they quickly wiped them off when we all heard the cue from the production team.

As the play progresses, every word that my mother threw to me that stabbed me countless times, rang on my mind. That I teared up without an effort in the crying scene.

We were all emotional at the end of the play and bowed our gratitude when we heard how the crowd cheered for us and gave us a round of applause.

They are right. There's always an island at the end of the wild wavering sea.

But I didn't know that the wild wavering sea would come back to destroy my quiet and peaceful island.

I was in the middle of my dinner when Mom suddenly barged in so I had to stand up and welcome her. "Mom, you're here-"

But I was stunned when she slapped me and I slowly touched my left cheek where she slapped me. I would have been fallen if I hadn't just leaned over and clung to my chair. "M-Mom..." Anger and irritation were evident in her eyes and I wasn't brave enough to look at it longer but she grabbed my jaw and pulled me closer to her.

"You do know how much I value our family's image, don't you?" She gritted her teeth when she saw my teary eyes. "You keep on disobeying my orders and becoming bolder... You really want to make me angry, huh." She smirked and let go of my face. "Now, go. Eat whatever you want because this," she pointed her finger on my forehead and I can feel the pain of how her nails scratched my forehead. "will be, the last time you will be in this house." She threw me a death glare before she marched upstairs and I was left there, looking so messy.

I looked down at my food and sat down again to continue eating. I was silent the whole time but I can feel how the maids want to comfort me. Besides me, myself, and... my brother, they are the other people who can understand me because they knew how terrible my mother is.

But I chose to avoid their eyes, especially Miss Sena who cared for me for such a long time. I don't want to feel like I'm just a hopeless child whose asking for help.

I don't need anyone's help. Much more, I don't need their sympathy.

I finished my dinner and went to her office. I thought that this might be the right time to ask her about... the things I've been asking all by myself.

I caught her there drinking whiskey-which she only drinks when celebrating something-while looking at the view through the glass wall. My heart became heavy at the thought.

"Mom..."

She turned to me and smirked, holding her glass. "Oh, you're here. Why? Gonna say goodbye? Oh, sure. This will be the last time I'll see you, anyway."

"Can I ask something?" I asked carefully but her eyebrows shot up and her smirk faded, she didn't say a thing. "Why... Why are you always like this to me? I-I w-was wondering i-if I'm really your... daughter?" My voice broke and I looked down.

There was a long silence when I heard her chuckle. "Sorry..." She covered her mouth to stop herself from laughing but I knew it had no humor at all. "You? You're not my daughter? Well, I wish you were not. Anyway, is that all? If that's all you wanna ask, you may now leave. I'm tired of hearing your bullshits." She turned her back to me and drank her whiskey.

I smiled in frustration and clenched my fists. What did she say? She's tired of hearing my bullshits? Is there even a time she listened to me? Is there even a time she spared a time, hearing my side? No. There's none. So she has no right to say that to me!

"Why are you still here? Gonna ask me again? You can ask me over the phone. So, leave. I don't want to see your face, anymore."

I looked up at her and when our eyes met, I can feel the tension between us. But I chose to cut it. I don't want to waste my time here, anymore.

I turned my back with heartache and packed my things. She didn't tell me where will I be staying but I know it would be a hotel. I didn't pack so many things for less hassle and immediately went down.

I was right. We headed onto the nearby hotel and checked in for my room. My feet were getting heavier and heavier as I stamp on the ground. I feel like my body doesn't want to do this but my mind is stronger to decide for this.

I sat on the edge of my bed staring at my reflection through the whole body mirror. My eyes were swollen and my tears were already dried up. I just wore my sunglasses to not look like a mess. While looking so deeply at myself, I can see how I resemble my mother.

High cheekbones, natural hazel eyes, small nose, but the only difference was that my face look softer than hers that I got from my father.

I laughed softly. He's so busy that he didn't even get the chance to see his daughter for the last time. Well, as if he wants to see me for the last time, anyway.

I rolled my eyes and stood up to come into the balcony. A tear slided from my eyes that I quickly wiped.

The view was somewhat amazing and breathtaking but I can only feel nothing but loneliness. Is there something I can do for them to be proud of me now?

Accepting and inheriting their business, staying on top, being the best caring daughter, and valuing both Triore and Reagan family at the same time?

Maybe? But can I even do that? No one else can but him. No one reaches him for that. Not even me.

I glanced at my phone when it suddenly rang. I took it only to see that Mom is calling.

"Hello?" I answered.

"My secretary already took care of everything. She already booked a plane ticket to-"

"I'm sorry but I would like you to let me decide about the place where to live." Just this once.

It took her a while to talk back and I was expecting her to be mad or to disagree with me but for the first time, she let me. "Fine. Call my secretary, I'm exhausted right now. I'll send you her number. Bye," then she hanged up.

I leaned over the glass balustrade and inhaled the fresh air. It has been a long time since I inhaled a fresh cold evening breeze. And it has been a long time since my brother and I went to that place with this kind of air.

My attention went to my cellphone when it beeped. My mother already sent the number of her secretary so I didn't waste a time and called Miss Heather, her secretary, right away. We've known each other but we're not that close so I can't ask for her number for no reason back then.

"Hello? Heather Reyes, speaking. Who is this?"

"Hello, Miss Heather. This is Beverly. I'm sure you remember me," I told her without saying what I hated to say, I'm the daughter of Frecia Reagan.

"Yes, of course! You're the daughter of the famous theatre actress, Frecia Reagan." Because they're the ones reminding me that I'm her daughter. "Anyway, I'm her secretary. What do you want me to do, Miss Beverly?"

"I would like to change the place where I will live. Please take the plane ticket for yourself or give it to someone if they need one. I don't want to waste it."

"Really, Miss Beverly? Thank you so much. I will call my mother to say this good news."

"Wait. There's one more I would like you to do."

"Yes, Miss Beverly?"

"I want you to keep this from my mother." I smiled while looking up at the sky and said, "I want a new identity."

I slept for the night after preparing for tomorrow afternoon's arrival of the van which would take me to the place I wanted to live in.

"Hi, Miss Beverly!"

I smiled at Miss Heather and remember what we planned not to look suspicious to the bodyguards and driver who obviously work for my mother.

"You have to act like we've been friends for months and I had not been seen you for weeks. We should hug each other and hand me the cards with my new identity to not look suspicious."

"Yes. I got it, Miss Beverly. I promise not to tell this to your mother."

"Also... Please send to me my school credentials with my new identity. In case I plan to go to school there."

"Yes, sure, Miss Beverly. In a day or two, I will send the document to you."

That's impossible, though. I can't enroll in any school. I know that I ain't famous for being an actress but I'm famous for being the daughter of my mother. People can recognize me.

I wanted to pull it off but something in me is stopping me.

"Miss Heather! It's such a long time since I saw you!" I walked closer to her.

"Come on! It's just 3 weeks! Don't be so dramatic!" She laughed but I didn't respond. She's good at this, huh. I looked at the bodyguards and they were also looking at me so I raised a brow.

"Did she just call me a dramatic?" I looked at Miss Heather. I pouted when I saw that she seems nervous and she might be thinking that is not an act anymore. "But I won't get to see you anymore after this!" I faked a cry and hugged her.

I tapped her back to give her a signal. Then I felt her hand slide the cards on the pocket of my blazer. I smirked. I like this girl.

"You can call me, you know," she tapped my shoulder as well before letting me go.

"Fine. But when I visit you, don't make me wait for a second!"

"Of course, I won't!"

We said goodbyes to each other shortly and I finally get in the car. I quickly slid the cards inside my bag without anyone looking.

"Into the Lipa City, Batangas, please," I instructed and smiled at the driver and the bodyguard beside him when they looked at me through the front mirror.

I looked at the buildings passing by through the tinted window of the car. I wonder if this is really meant to happen? Am I really that girl who deserves everything that is happening right now? I mean, yes. It has an advantage to be free from them but do I have to... I sighed and looked down while playing with my fingers. I did everything that I can just so they could be proud of me but-

"We're already here, Miss Beverly," the driver suddenly announced. I looked at him, confused. We're already here? Then I glanced outside and saw the sign that says, WELCOME TO LIPA CITY, BATANGAS!

The grip on my bag tightened. Why are you hesitating? Stand up and face the truth, Dilly. You can't run away from this. It will still hunt you even if you choose to stay with them. I closed my eyes tightly and breathe heavily. Fine, let's do this.

I went out of the car and wore my sunglasses with my bag clanging on my right arm. I glanced from the hotel in front of me to the bodyguard and gave him a signal to help me with my things. He nodded and carried my things. I checked in for the night since I'm going to that place tomorrow afternoon when it finally cleaned out by the caretaker I hired.

Money isn't a problem to me, anyway. Instead... The problem is how can I survive?

I threw myself out on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I've been telling myself for a long time that I can survive without anyone's help. But now that I'm actually living alone and experiencing it myself, I wonder how long can I endure this all? I sighed and sleepiness dozed me to sleep.

Everything's going to change from now on.

I told myself and let myself believe that again. But nothing changed at all. I roamed around the house that my brother gave me slowly as my tears fall to the ground in every step I make. I, am still a lonely girl. I, am still feeling so sad and in pain every time I remember a memory with him, whether it is a good one or a bad one.

"Just what is this place?" I glanced at him before turning it back on the house in front of us.

"This place? This is where you can hide in with your future boyfriend incase that our parents are against with your relationship with him. Don't worry, I'm always on your side," he said and even winked at me as if it is something he can joke around.

"What?!" I stumped my feet as a protest and was about to talk when he started walking away. "Sigmund!" I called him that made him stop and looked back at me with his narrow eyes. I couldn't manage to contact his eyes so I looked away and played with my finger which I was hiding on my back. "I mean, BROTHER Sigmund, I don't need this house since as you can see, I don't have a boyfriend and will never have an interest on having one. It is not as if it is a key through the things I wanted to do, anyway. I can live without a man," I explained but he just stared at me like a statue. He didn't even blink once.

"Who knows?" he answered to my long speech, finally breaking the long silence before starting to walk again.

"Wait, hey!" I picked up his pace and blocked his way. "By the way, why didn't we get inside the house?"

"Because it's not yours anymore?" He smirked that made my jaw drop before ran fast.

"Sigmund! Brother! Sigmund!"

"Tsk. There's nothing special here but you want me to live in here?" I laughed with my face, damped and wiped my tears off. "Don't get ahead of yourself. I'm just going to live in here for a while. And it's true, though. I need no man. Unless, he's the key to my success?"

It took me days or even weeks before I finally decided to go out from the house, trying new things, learning new things, and letting myself have fun.

I was preparing for a jog when I accidentally dropped a box and saw a small teddy bear inside it.

It was the teddy bear I won in an arcade and gave to my brother-as a gift for everything. It already has burnt on the left side of its ear because of what happened that night but I still kept it because it's something precious more than everything I have right now.

I bit my lower lip and sighed. I slowly arranged it back to where they are used to be inside the cabinet and finally went out.

It was already dark and the breeze was cold. I didn't wear a hoodie jacket because I thought I was already used to the coldness. But I then realized that the air from the aircon was less than colder than the actual breeze at night.

I should get back and just jog tomorrow, I guess.

I was already heading back to my house when I suddenly got bumped into someone. But he wasn't the one who caught my attention... It was the teddy bear that fell from the stranger's hand which looked very the same as the teddy bear I saw in my condo just a while ago.

"Sorry," he apologized. I just smiled, distracted from what I saw.

But I was more distracted when my eyes darted to the guy who looked like... him and was leaning onto the wall of a convenience store.

Am I dreaming? Is that guy really my... No way. There's no way!

How could a dead be here?