Trials of Heart

It was almost dawn. I'm trying my best not to get drunk while I'm holding the bottle of liquor. My attention is on the band performing in front of the stage. The vocalist sang my favorite song that caught up my attention.

I'm at the Lacoona Bar where I can find peace and where pain can be soothed even just for seconds.

"Xyler?! Where the fuck are you?"

My phone kept on ringing as I grabbed it from my pocket. Cassandra speaks on the phone, obviously mad at me again. I'm used to it. It's good that I can't hear her voice clearly as the loud music coming from the stage's speakers, drums, and microphone filled every corner of the bar.

"What? I can't hear you. Is there something urgent?" I answered, yelling on the phone as the loud music invaded my ear. She is still talking madly so I automatically hang up the call.

Despite my dizziness, I managed to message Louisa, my close friend from college, whom I always contact whenever I'm good or lost. I feel like I need to talk to her. I just want someone to listen to my rants tonight, not a lady who would just nag me for not coming home.

"Join with me" I texted. After a few minutes of waiting for a reply, I received nothing. Maybe she's already sleeping at this moment. It's not a good idea to wake her up this late at night.

While waiting for something to happen, I didn't notice that people were gradually exiting the bar. I and the rest of the performers were still inside. They are about to leave so I decided to head now to the parking lot.

I don't intend to return home at this time. My vision is spinning and I can't drive myself alone. I guess it would be better to stay here inside the car while waiting for the sun to rise. It is approximately 4 am in the morning.

I'm sure Cassandra would kill me because she is demanding as she carries our baby in her womb. The pregnant lady is kind of manipulating me and to be honest, I don't like it. I had no choice but to spend the night inside my car. Alone. And random thoughts lingered inside my head. I'm still sane and I know it. But I would prefer to waste my time alone. At least I had time to reminisce and talk to myself.

The sun has risen. Still, my eyes are wide open due to a lot of uncontrollable thoughts that kept on bugging me off. I was staring at the street lights through the car window. Some fast-food restaurants, coffee shops, and gyms are starting to open. People at this early morning have their job while I have no plans to move in my position. It was as if I wanted to stick myself here inside. My days keep on repeating and only the morning wakes me up in reality. That's why I prefer the moon over the sun. Unfortunately, I have no chance to escape from the responsibilities and agreement with Cassandra's family. To be a father soon of my child while my life is completely a mess.

"Hey! Xy?" The young lady called my name from afar. However, I couldn't recognize her. Maybe it was the effect of being drunk and not getting enough sleep.

She came close to my car window and handed me a cup of coffee and bread. I noticed that she was wearing gym clothes, probably for a workout.

"How did you find out I was here?" I asked in confusion.

"Your car?" Louisa answered in uncertainty. Her lips curved a smile, laughing at my situation right now like she always does.

I grinned. There's no way to ask her as she always knows my destination regardless of where I am located myself.

"Is that for me?" I looked at the coffee she brought. I admitted I'm craving some breakfast this morning.

"Nope. Only if you refused not to take these." She offered. I took the coffee and bread from her hand.

"I read your text last night. My bad, I had seen it just in the morning." She gave me an apologetic remark like it was a big deal for me. "Maybe next time?"

"It wasn't a big deal anyway besides I enjoyed hanging out alone," I assured her not to feel guilty.

We had a lot of conversation while I was sipping the coffee, which she had bought for me. She saved me from starving. She also asked me why I was at the Lacoona Bar again. I explained that I was bored at home.

Although she wasn't convinced, she didn't ask for anything else. I'm sure she figured it out.

"Are you going somewhere, Lou?" I asked. I had thought of going home.

"Yup. Uh... See you around?" she said in delight. I nodded and shut the car window.

I drove myself back to my apartment, My home. I slid the key to the door to open and straightly headed to the sofa to fall asleep and had no time to pick up the bottles, clothes, and instruments that were scattered on the floor. I was too drowsy, tired, and dizzy. I slept for too long and hadn't noticed the time ticking at 3 in the afternoon. I get up to cook myself lunch. I then picked up my pieces of stuff that were cluttered on the floor before I went for a cold shower. Later on, I will visit Cassandra with her family.

I was about to put my clothes on when I heard someone knocking on the door. I didn't order something, who's here? I immediately covered the towel off my half body, hurrying to walk close to the door. As I opened it, Xymon in his business attire showed up in front of me. My twin. I asked him to come inside while I'm lazy drying my wet hair on the towel.

"What are you up to, Mon?" I asked him straight forward.

"Don't you tell....you forgot? there's something to celebrate on Wednesday." He asked back, leaning his arm on the sofa. I was trying to remember what's important for tomorrow but I failed.

"You seem like a newborn." He teased me.

"Come on, Dude. I'll be going out. What's that?" I impatiently asked him because he was consuming my time.

"If I tell you it's Mom's birthday, would you come home on her day? She'll throw a simple party. " I shifted my reaction in surprise. I'm not sure if she wants my presence, after all, knowing that we're not good and Xymon was the most favorable among the two of us.

"I'll try," I answered, definitely uncertain.

"It should be a yes." He insisted. "Anyway, you can bring your friends" He added, about to leave.

After Xymon decided to leave, The thought of attending Mom's birthday is kind of ironic to me. Xymon never gets tired of making a way for mom and me to be compatible with each other as if he wasn't aware mom dislikes me since then. A simple dislike became hatred when my father died and accused me that it was my fault all along. That was why I chose to leave our home and get my apartment using Dad's savings that he put aside for me. It's better to rely upon myself.

I abruptly went back to what I was doing. Then I fixed myself reluctantly and walked to where I had parked my car. I received a message from Cassandra so I immediately brought out my phone and read it.

God! What happened to her. To my anxious, I drove quickly, faster as I could. I didn't notice an old lady was passing by on the street. I instantly turned left in my direction and unexpectedly got collided with the car.