A virgin yet pregnant

look. No boys were allowed in my life. Not even allowed to talk to one of them less than thinking about meeting them.

"Okay, fine. If not boys then girls. Maybe you would find a better friend than me." She suggested and I raised one eyebrow at her.

"I can't handle another chatterbox," I said and she snarled at me.

"You are mean. But please, you will have fun, for once." She said. I gave her a little shake of my head.

"Sharon, C'mon. Let's go." For the millionth time, Oma said to me. I frowned at her and looked back at my book.

"Nope," I said in one clear-cut word. She threw a pillow at me and I glared at her.

"Why not?" She asked me, folding her arms around her torso and pouting a little. I shook my head at her question. Even though she was well aware of Why she still asks for the reason over and over again. So I gave her my best answer.

"Because my work is pending. I did not even start my assignment and then finished it. Also, I would be beaten to death if my mom found out that I was outside having a party and meeting Boys. So no, thank you." I told her. I picked up the book that rested on my lap and slid off the bed to sit on my study chair. Furthermore, I tried to focus on the book I was reading. Something about Russian Revolution. I was so distracted by her questions and babbling that I could not even focus now.

What was I reading? God, Where was I?

I had a history assignment to do and I had not even started that yet. God knows what would happen if I won't able to submit it in time.

"Oh C'mon. We are teenagers. If we don't have fun now then when will we?" She asked.

"We are not getting any younger you know. Now C'mon. Be a sport. Your parents won't even find out about it. Nobody will tell 'em." She told me. She was whining like a baby. Like she was a little kid who was trying to pursue her mom to buy her chocolate.

I sighed.

She was not wrong. I am seventeen. Still, I had never and I mean never, in my whole life gone to a single party. Not once had I felt what a 'Normal' teenager should feel like.

But it is not my fault. My family is so conservative that even getting a chance to study is a privilege for me. Approximately 130 million girls around the world don't get it. I think I am fortunate enough to get an education. Just not enough to feel free like a normal human being.

I spun around in my chair and looked at the person who was giving me puppy eyes. To be very honest, for once I wanted to feel what a normal teenage girl should feel like. I wanted to feel what it's like to go to a party and have fun. Feel what it's like to give up the worry of studies and assignments for once.

Every girl deserves that right?

Even me?

At least, for once?

My heart wanted to let go but my mind held the non-existent barriers.

Yes, I didn't have my parents with me right now but it doesn't mean that I didn't know what I was doing.

It is easy for people to say, 'Why don't you just let go? You are an adult. Your parents can't stop you.'

Ha. Like I did not know that already.

Like they think it was that easy.

They can say it because they never live in the situations that I did.

My life is not mine.

My choices are not mine.

I don't make my choices but they do.

I don't control my life but they do.

What they don't understand is that people like me had been raised like this. That even the idea of having a little fun made me feel guilty.

I know my parents are not watching me. Or keeping an eye on my every move. Or checking if I was wearing a short dress or makeup. Or if I was crossing the limit of being a girl.

But still. Still.

I always FEEL what they would do or how would they behave like if they see me doing all the things that I was not supposed to.

I can always feel the surrounding barriers. And what might happen if they were broken in any way?

"You know, all you always do is, make excuses. One after another. Try breaking them once. And see how it feels like." She said in a bit of a harsh tone.

Her words hit me like a brick and they hit on the right mark. I felt a pinch because of how accurate and true her words were. I DO always make excuses for not doing a thing. Even though I have the option to choose it. I DO make excuses. But I also can't let go of the feeling that I was guilty of attempting a crime.

So for once, I let my heart get ahead of me and let it make decisions.

I gave her a tiny smile and asked her, "Where's this place?" I asked her and she squealed like a crazy girl.