Good Cop Bad Cop

The phone lit up the otherwise dark room and I sighed. I looked at the clock and squinted my eyes - 2:25 AM. I wasn’t asleep but my eyes had already adjusted to the darkness. I’m not even sure at this point when the last time I had slept was. I willed myself to stay in bed, to not be on his schedule, but I knew I was kidding myself. He could go days on end and not say a word to me, but the minute I got his text, I was putty in his hands again. I looked over at my husband to make sure he was really asleep and pushed his arm gently off of me.

He was a hard sleeper but I didn’t want to take any chances. I put a pillow in my spot and he had curled up to it, not noticing the difference. I walked to the master bathroom and looked at myself. My bags under my eyes had bags from lack of sleep, but besides that I looked pretty good. My brown hair that fell to my waist in gentle curls was just a little messy. Normally I would try to fix it a little, but I just didn’t have the energy tonight. It took everything I had left to brush my teeth. The guilt was consuming me, it had wrapped itself around me and was choking the very life out of me. I grabbed my champagne robe and wrapped it around me and I walked back into the bedroom to grab my phone.

Tyler: I’m outside.

I shook my head. I wish I was stronger than this. I wish I could tell him to go back home, to go back to his wife and baby girl, that that’s where he belonged. I kept telling myself that all his words to me were true, that he’d be with me but... and yet I knew better. I knew that if he really wanted me, he’d be with me in the daylight instead of the dark, but try telling my stupid heart that. That man was the love of my life, he was absolutely everything to me. When I imagined pushing him away I physically felt like I was dying, I literally couldn’t breathe. I guess when it came down to it, I would end up dead with or without him.

I opened the door to my little girls room and watched the steady rise and fall of her breathing. My heart squeezed tighter in my chest and I blew her a kiss and quietly shut the door. With my phone in my hand and bunny slippers on my feet I walked outside to the obnoxiously lifted white Dodge truck out in my driveway. Butterflies came out of my stomach and flew me over to the passenger side of the truck before I even knew what I was doing. I opened the door to the most beautiful smile I had ever seen on a man and it was all for me.

“I missed you so much, I couldn’t take one more day without you.” He said as he grabbed my hand and backed out of the driveway with his headlights off. I just stared at how tiny my hand looked in his, how perfect. I marveled at the fact that I’ve always felt like I was searching for something, that I wasn’t fully whole, but the minute I’m with him I am finally whole. He turned up the radio and held my hand tighter like he was afraid I might run off at any moment, like we weren’t driving 55 mph on dark roads and I would sling myself to my doom to get away. It always struck me as funny that he would hold me like he knew what he had but never hold on to me. I tried to relax, but my thoughts wouldn’t shut off. I wondered what he said to wife this time. I knew she had to know that this was going on. He said she was clueless but I knew that she knew, there’s no way she couldn’t.

When my husband had cheated on me, I had no evidence at all. He still had sex with me, he still told me I was beautiful, he told me he loved me and only me. I would check his phone and there would be nothing out of the ordinary. But I still knew, I didn’t have a doubt about it. When it finally came out, he told me he wanted to leave me for her. I went off the deep end, I ended up having to be medicated. I had been with that man since I was 17 years old, I had given him all I had and he wanted to throw it away with some tramp - and now I was that tramp. This was all getting to me, I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.

Tyler could feel my apprehension and turned down the music.

“What’s wrong baby? You want me to take you back there?”

He would never call it my home, he said he was my home.

“No, I’ll be fine.” I looked over at him for the first time since I got in the truck and all my thoughts melted away. He was truly the most gorgeous man I had ever seen and that was part of the reason why I could never set myself straight. His body was rock hard and that wasn’t the only thing on him hard. I could see his bulge straining against his jeans. He couldn’t help it, he wasn’t being insensitive, our bodies just called to each other. That one look down and all I could think about was how much I wanted his big cock in my mouth. I unbuckled my seatbelt and scooted myself to the middle seat.

“ hey baby” he said smiling, putting his arm around me. He was genuinely glad I was getting closer to him. He told me once that I was his drug, and he could never get enough of me, he couldn’t live without me. The Twilight reference didn’t escape me, but I understood what he meant completely.

“ hey baby “ I cooed back and smiled back at him.

“ there’s my girl. “ he said quietly, stroking my hair. I closed my eyes enjoying this for a second, but my pussy was throbbing. I needed him. I needed him in my mouth, I needed him inside me. I needed him to take me away from all these thoughts that wouldn’t let go of me. Tyler started singing along absentmindedly as he drove to our spot. My hand slid up his thigh and he stopped and tensed up. I saw the anticipation in his eyes as his mouth dropped open just a little and I heard his breath hitch, and that’s all it took. I unzipped his jeans and he sprung free. I would never get tired of seeing that gorgeous, monstrous site. If I could take a picture of his cock and hang it on the wall, I swear I would, it was that beautiful. A drip of precum was glistening in the moonlight and I licked my lips, remembering the taste. I grabbed the thick base with my hand and bent down and licked the underside to the tip before I put it in my mouth and went down as far as I could and back up.

‘ Fuck Soraya ‘ he breathed as he tightened his hand on the wheel and buried the other in my hair, ‘baby I need this, I need you so much.’ His words undid me as I went faster and harder, sucking with each time I went up. The hand that wasn’t stroking him went to his balls and started massaging. His breathing was erratic as he pulled over to the side of the road and I knew he was close. I went even faster until he was yelling obscenities at the sky. ‘ Soraya, I’m coming baby, keep going. ‘ Knowing he was about to cum almost made me cum myself. Within seconds I felt his wad hit the back of my throat so I started slowing down. When he was finished I raised up and licked my lips as he pushed himself back into his jeans. ‘Baby girl I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I want to do it everyday so I can keep you around forever.’ My heart sunk at the words but I still smiled at him as he handed me a handkerchief out of his glovebox. I wiped the saliva off of my face and leaned into him as he eased back onto the road. He kissed my head and laughed. I was so wet I swear he was gonna end up drowning in me when we finally got to our spot. He knew what he did to me and loved every second of it. He put his arm around me again and pushed my robe open with one hand. There was nothing underneath and he groaned. His rough hand pushed the robe open further until my hardened nipples were exposed to the air conditioner and I gasped at the coldness. They were so hard they almost hurt and they were begging for attention. Almost like he could read my mind, Tyler started rubbing around one of them until I about screamed. Taking the pink nub into his fingers I moaned and threw my head back. Tyler was nothing if he wasn’t generous and his rule was if he got to cum I got to cum, and I wasn’t complaining. I was absolutely on fire by the time he started trailing down my stomach. He untied my robe and let it fall open. I sat naked in his truck and he whispered a silent thank you. His finger grazed my clit and the sound the escaped my mouth almost sounded animalistic and was matched by the sound that came out when he finally thrust his finger inside me. It wouldn’t take me long and he knew it. He knew exactly where to hit and how fast to go. He took out his finger and replaced it with two and then three. I was on the edge calling his name when he started rubbing my clit with his thumb. 3 strokes was all it took and I was soaring, flying, incoherent, seeing colors. He worked me until I came back down and held me as I twitched. He said he loved it when I twitched because he knew he had done his job. I was so happy in his arms, so relaxed. I hated what we were doing but like him I needed it so much. His jeans were already straining again, his cock begging to be let out. Our spot was a cabin deep in the woods about 15 miles from my house. We had no clue who it belonged to, we just knew that it was always vacant and well taken care of. We thought that it was probably an airship and a family paid someone to take care of it. We reasoned it was probably one of those things where nobody actually wanted it, they just couldn’t agree to sell it either. The gravels and leaves crunched under the truck’s tires as we pulled up to our little oasis. It was dark inside but tidy and the grass was cut short around it. Tyler jumped down quickly and pulled our blankets out from the backseat. Always the gentleman, even when thinking with his other head, he walked over to my side and opened the door and held my hand as I hopped down. Before I knew what was happening he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder like I was completely weightless. I playfully hit his back. ‘Tyler put me down, I can walk just fine.’ I protested. ‘No way woman, I need in there now. ‘ I wasn’t sure if he meant me or the cabin, but either way I was squirming on his shoulder, trying to help the discomfort between my legs. With me on one side and blankets on the other, Tyler still somehow managed to pick the lock, get inside, turn on the lights, lock the door back, and start making his way to the bedroom before I could even blink. Standing in front of the bed, he took the blankets off his opposite shoulder and laid them out. After making sure they were perfect, he laid me down gingerly. Within two breaths he had my robe off and on the floor, his shirt off thrown down beside it and he was pulling down his jeans. I drank him in like I was dehydrated in the desert. He was so perfect. He had dark hair cut short for his job and blue eyes I swear you could swim in. His jawline was chiseled with a slight 5 o’clock shadow. His neck was thick, his shoulders were broad and his six pack had a six pack. My eyes devoured him slowly, following the V at the bottom of his stomach to my favorite place in the world. He was so big I still had a hard time handling him. He filled me so completely that I felt a loss when we were done.

‘Soraya!’ Tyler yelled, snapping me out of my trance.

‘Yes baby?’ I asked, bringing my eyes up slowly, licking my lips.

‘ my eyes are up here.’ He said pointing to his face, his lips turned up in a half smile

‘I really don’t care about them right now unless you’ve learned how to eye fuck.’ I bit out.

‘My girl’ He said as he crawled down on the bed and spread my legs apart. He started kissing up my legs to my thighs and I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed his head and put it on my sensitive spot. His chuckle vibrated on my clit and I moaned. He looked me in my eyes as he started devouring me. He stuck two fingers inside me and started thrusting them in and out. It felt so good I couldn’t get a grip on reality. I started bucking my hips to the rhythm and before I knew it I was fucking his face.

‘Soraya’ he growled and that’s all it took. I came all over his face, my hands in his hair.

He raised up licking his lips. ‘You will always be my favorite flavor.’ He said as he started kissing up my stomach to my breasts. He took my nipples in his mouth, one after another until I was begging him to stick his dick inside me. I couldn’t take even one more second not feeling him.

He sat back on his knees and positioned himself in front of my hole. I had already got off twice but I was as ready as if I hadn’t at all. ‘ Are you ready for me baby?’ He asked shakily. He was at his breaking point but he didn’t want to hurt me. ‘Please.’ I begged and he pushed inside me. He let out a breath like he had been holding it his whole life and held still while I got used to him. He pulled out just a little and pushed back in. ‘You were made for me baby, you fit me so perfect.’

I wrapped my legs around his back and pulled him into me until he was fully inside me. The pain quickly turned into pleasure as he quickened his pace. Our sounds harmonized, my high pitched with his low. ‘Baby girl I’m almost there, I need you to cum with me.’ I reached down and started rubbing my clit and wrapped my legs around him tighter. I just wanted all of him, I felt like we could never be close enough. My muscles tightened around him and he knew I was there. He came hard and fast and said my name like it was a prayer. He rained kisses down on me everywhere, my lips, my necks, my breasts. He pulled out of me and laid beside me. His legs intertwined with mine and he held me to him as he whispered sweet promises in my ear. I was so glad he couldn’t see me because I couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. Even though it was like I was committing suicide, I knew this was the last time we would be like this, I knew we were over. I knew I would be blind-sighting him, I knew he wouldn’t think it was fair, but all I could think about was his wife and this life we were living.

We laid like that listening to the clock tick until we couldn’t anymore. Tyler got up and went to the bathroom to get a wet towel to wash me off. I tried to wipe my tears away before he could see me but he was too fast. He sighed as he started to clean me up. He didn’t have to ask me what was wrong, he already knew. When he was finished he sat me on his lap and held me to him. ‘I don’t know what you want to me to say Soraya. Tell me what you want me to say.’

“I need this Tyler, I need this and I need you. I have never loved anybody and will never love anybody the way I love you. But I can’t do this anymore. What we are doing is selfish. I don’t eat, I don’t sleep. My days are spent waiting for you to be able to text me let alone be able to get away like this. We both knew when we started this thing that it couldn’t last. It wasn’t supposed to turn into what it is now, because now I feel like you’re the air in my lungs and I can’t survive without you. The very thing that gives me breath is choking me to death because nothing changes the fact that you’re going to drop me off at my house, and you’re going to go to your house, and I’m going to continue to live this shell of a life until you decide to call me again. I feel like I can’t live without you, but I’m going to die if we keep on going this way, if I can’t learn to breathe on my own again.’

‘ Ray, baby, what are you saying?’

‘I’m saying it’s me or her, and you’d be stupid to pick me. I’m done with this.’

‘You don’t mean it. I don’t want to live without you.’

I stood up and wrapped myself in my robe, steeling myself, still feeling the loss of him between my legs. I couldn’t only be his in the shadows anymore. I couldn’t lose myself to him every time we were together because I didn’t have anymore of myself to lose. He had all of me. And it wasn’t fair to me, it wasn’t fair to his wife, it wasn’t fair to my husband. I started talking faster before my heart had a chance to stop me. We had never argued, we had never disagreed, and I never ever talked about leaving because I was too selfish. He didn’t have a clue what this was doing to me when he wasn’t with me. I was at the point where it was now or never.

‘ Me or them, Ty?’ I asked, putting his daughter out there to make the answer obvious, to not give him a choice. He told me once that she was the only thing holding him back from me. I never blamed her and I never blamed him, but I knew she was my only chance to get out of this.

‘ I can’t leave my little girl Soraya you know that.’

‘ I know that. Take me home and lose my number.’

‘ you can’t be serious, you can’t do this to me, to you. I know you love me as much as I love you.’

He was getting desperate, I could see it. I didn’t know how I was finding the resolve, but I knew I couldn’t do this anymore. I was thinking more clearly then I had in over a year. He walked over to me and tried to kiss me but I turned my head. He looked in my eyes and I could see his heart breaking.

‘ take me home and lose my number.’ I repeated.

‘ okay.’ He whispered and I felt numb. I didn’t want him to fight for me, but now that he wasn’t fighting for me that’s all I wanted. I slid my bunny slippers back on my feet and slouched back to the truck where he held the door open for me again and helped me get inside.

It was a long ride back.